To be gutted at mil

[Joanne279]

Long time since last post.

Mil not seen dc x 3 for 10 months. I EVENTUSLLY text her and we agreed to disagree and put the last behind us. She came up, saw the kids, was happy as larry...then nothing

4 weeks later she hasn't been up since. Shes cancelled EVERY invite given to her. Today is LO -1st birthday. No text. No phone call. No card. Nothing. I'm gutted. So is dp. We've patched up a very rocky relationship after making things up with his mum. Me and dp are fine but sick of this woman. I'm angry and hurt.

It's LO party on Sunday. I'm tempted to shove cake in her face is she dares turn up. And yes, and was invited.

At my wits end x

Hugs. I can't imagine how frustrating this is. Step back. No more communicating with her. Let her come to you. She sounds difficult. I cannot imagine not seeing my grandkids. Sounds like she is having fun being in control. Take control back by ignoring jer

Bump

Exactly what ghost said. Don't let her have another second of influencing your lives.

She needs to prove to you both that she deserves to be part of your little family.

If she comes to the party, keep your dignity and be polite but reserved.

You are not obliged to do anything more, she is an adult who can make her own choices.

OP

Perhaps the best thing to do in this situation is to stop making it about her and essentially take a wtf stance.
If you can genuinely take the attitude that what she does has absolutely no relevance at all to you, or your DCs, then you really are back in control ...and you stop feeding the dragon.

If she turns up fine. If she doesn't turn up fine. If she sends a card fine. If she doesn't - it isn't worthy of even a lifted eyebrow. Stay polite of she engages, but don't put yourself out any more than you would for someone you just met yesterday.

It only matters if you let it matter to you......so what you need to do is change the way you think of it.
That way lies blissful sanity!!

You absolutely need to step back from this, why is it bothering you so much? Hundreds of mumsnetters complain about over interfering MILs but today there are two threads complaining that MILs don't do enough .

Just enjoy the party without worrying about MIL - do not let one person have such an influence on your life.

I dread becoming a MIL, who knows how we are meant to behave ?

I think I'm upset and angry because we have her a second chance to be involved with our kids and she's basically just pissed in our faces. I guess I expected her to put the past behind us, like she said she would. X

I've just had this with my mum - though there are other issues in play.

I was surprised at how much the rejection stings, even if she has let you down before - the only comfort is you gave her a choice, your children are young so they won't remember, she is being consistently crap.

You've done as much as you can so step back and leave her to it, she has made her choice.