To not go to work tomorrow.... Long

[Shockedmum75]

So I have been in the same job, management in financial industry for 16 years. Worked my way up through the ranks, set up my own department and managed it for about 7 years now.
I have streamlined the department procedures and for want of a better phrase become a victim of my own success in that we now have very little work to do. All appraisals have gone well and in fact most of them I could have written myself they were that good!

The director should actually be titled the dictator as he is just that. He gives us no scope to make decisions, no matter how general and common sense they are. Every little detail has to be run past him and once he has made a decision no matter how snap, or clearly wrong he will NEVER ever back down. So we all know what he is like but get on with things the best we can.

So today is my annual appraisal. From the second I walked in the room him and his sidekick (who has been disciplined for bullying in the past with me as one of her victims) are on it. I can't even explain it, they were so aggressive and unreasonable. Everything I said they looked at each other, rolled their eyes and dismissed. When it got to the part where I get my say I was already taken aback and a little shocked to say the least. I had my notes and explained to the boss that there was very little work for me now as the department runs itself and that I need a challenge/ workload increase. Perhaps I could streamline some processes in other departments using the skills and knowledge gained over a long career in the firm. I explained I want a career and not just a job, and he has seen the skills I have and I would like him to utilise them. Well!

He went off on one telling me if I want respect and to be treated like an adult then perhaps I have outgrown my role and I should just go and get another job. But not in a nice way, if there even is a nice way!
Much to my shame he had me in tears, him and his sidekick nipping away as I sat there humiliated with no tissues snotting and crying on my sleeve. For an hour and a quarter. I'm 36 ffs.

Then when it came time to fill the paperwork in, he put that there were no issues in any areas and summarised with a flowery paragraph at the end to say we had had a frank discussion and that it was a shame he couldn't offer me more but I am a valued member of staff. It bore no resemblance to the conversation that had just taken place.

I was so shocked I took the paperwork off him, didn't sign anything and left for the day.

So having got home and dissected the situation I am appalled that he didn't at any point offer for me to leave the room for five mins, or come back and continue the meeting later. He let it get so bad and just carried on digging away. I would never do that to a member of staff and if I did I am sure he would have something to say about it.

I am thinking of calling in tomorrow and telling them that I am too upset to come in but that I would like to discuss the appraisal with hr in a neutral place on Monday when I have all my thoughts together and on paper. I fear if I did it tomorrow I would end up in tears again.

There are obviously many more details and the advice to not go in tomorrow comes from someone very well placed within the firm. Don't want to out myself so can't say much more.

Glad you didn't sign it. Are you in a union or do you have someone to support you? I'm not sure if it's a good idea to attend a further meeting without any representation. If you feel distressed staying at home tomorrow seems sensinle

Don't sign the document and book an appointment with HR.

I would say you have grounds to file a formal grievance

Write down as much as you can remember from the meeting then summarise your issues (calmly) with HR.

We aren't allowed to join a union at our firm. And the hr dept consists of one person who directly answers to the dictator. I am so sad I have been there such a long time, and thought I had a job for life. To find that my loyalty is so misplaced and one way has me and

I told him in a previous encounter that I would like representation and he laughed and said good luck with finding anyone who would cross me.

I think you need to seek some specialist advice asap op, that sounds horrendous. I don't know what to advise about tomorrow, I wouldn't want to give the wrong advice

No one can stop you from joining a union although the company doesn't have to recognise them. You should not be refused representation. Have you got legal protection on your home insurance?

My sister is in HR and really knows her stuff, I could show her the thread in the morn and let you know what she advises...?

Thanks all. They won't allow anyone independent to witness any meetings etc and everyone else is fearful of losing their jobs. You know how it is, everyone has sympathy but (understandably) don't want to stick their heads above the parapet.

I think I have to accept that I can't keep on working there and make the move. Tbh I have wanted to do more for a long time now but the security, the people, the fear of the unknown all stop me.

But I have another 30years of work left, I can't carry on like this it is soul destroying.

On the upside I had a look on a recruitment website and found a job that is pretty much exactly what I wanted to do in my current firm but for oh about four times what I am currently earning. Wild mean a change in hours and further away but I would do anything to love my job again.

Notanyanymore that would be great. Thanks!

Go in to work tomorrow whatever you do. Don't say a word, smile, head up, eye contact, everything is wonderful.

If the appraisal or paperwork is mentioned brush it off 'as you could see yesterday, I felt the appraisal didn't go as expected but I'm not really able to discuss it today as I have x,y and z to think about.'

Then seek advice as quickly and as quietly as you can.

My view from your op is you've managed yourself out of a job and rather than use your skills elsewhere, they want rid of you. Unfortunately they don't have the nous, humanity - or to be honest, the basic business skills - to do this in an acceptable way. Don't hand them an unauthorised absence as well.

Sorry, that's very blunt, I do understand how badly they treated you but they've shown their hands now so you have to be very smart about your next move. And repost in legal.

You poor thing. What an absolute knob head that you work for.

I am really not an expert - I have been SE for the last 8 years and I find myself a very agreeable boss....but thinking about this from my very unknowledgeable point of view....I'm sad to say that I think you will not get very far if you try to stand up to him here. The main reason for that being that it's your word against his, and of course the silly cow that was there will back him up not you. So, I think all you will achieve through trying to make a thing out of this is causing yourself a load of stress and unpleasantness. The hr department also answers to him, you are basically screwed.

He is a bully and he gets off on you being upset. If I were you, I would phone in sick tomorrow. Enjoy your paid day off, watch crap on the telly, and have a nice long weekend. Let all the steam out of your ears that you need to. Go in on Monday with your head held high and don't let the bastard think he's got to you. But look for another job, as a matter of priority. I know it's a scary prospect as you've been there so long but the fact of the matter is that your boss is a bullying dickhead and there are far nicer places to work where you will get the challenges you are looking for. All this could be a blessing in disguise.

I'm sure many would disagree with me but it sounds like he really has it in for you and yes you could look at it as letting him win, but you could also look at it as his loss as he will actually be losing an excellent employee. It's whether you want to stress yourself out with a really unpleasant battle or whether you just want to put two fingers up to him and move on to better things.

Thanks Wilson (love the nn btw, always makes me smile!). Yeah, the way they turned on me today was WOW so it probably isn't a good idea to not go in. Dictator is on holiday now for a couple of weeks or so, only sidekick to deal with. But she is a heartless, nasty, sarcastic fucker who gets away with anything. Ad I would probably end up feeling anxious all weekend as well.

Everyone saw me upset today and were all really supportive. I think my choice is to go down fighting or bow out gracefully but the end result is the same. Could be the best thing that ever happened to me. I have spent many an hour fantasising about how I would hand in my notice over the years, when I get another job, or win the lottery. Bit gutted it hasn't been me making the move.

I honestly think you would be better just to keep your head down and start looking very actively for a new job.

"Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realise our worth and value, but because we finally realise our own." - Robert Tew.

Midnite! I love that quote, I am quite sure I will get some use from that in the coming weeks.

Smile and nod, smile and nod. It's all about the long game now. And if you play it correctly you could end up with a shiny new job and a redundancy package!

Start a diary now, write down everything you remember about your appraisal and keep notes about everything. Tribunals are won and lost in process so read up on your companies processes and note everything that isn't followed to the letter.

Well I am here and keeping my head up high. I have a meeting with HR in half an hour or so. I know the end result will be the same but how we get there and when is the only question.
Notes are being made, documents requested. Leaving with dignity if nothing else!

Well done! Chin up, stay strong - you'll find strength in your own positive actions towards getting the hell out of there... Good luck!

Well done op! Off to see my dsis shortly so will ask her for any advice on this and post back when home. Keep your chin up!

Good luck, OP. Hope you find a better job with nicer management.

I've had my meeting with HR and the only option open to me is to raise a grievance against the dictator & his sidekick. On her own admission the directors are all "tight knit" so the chances of anyone going against him are slim. I will at least leave a legacy! I finish in an hour and I am excited to get on the phone and signed up with some temping agencies. Feel the need to DO something.
Oh and I have discreetly cleared my desk as from experience they love nothing more than the humiliation standing over someone whilst they clear their desk, and then marching them out of the building. One satisfaction I wont give them!

Thanks notanyanymore I will check back later tonight.

Thanks to all, glad to know I am not expecting too much!

You sound like a fantastic person who is excellent at their job. Totally their loss.
Enjoy the excitement of the new challenge and the higher salary.