To start my Maternity Leave really early because my son is always ill?

[hettienne]

I work full time in a fairly physical job with an hour commute each day. Since my 3 year old started nursery school in September (also full time) he seems to be ill constantly, and has had 2.5 weeks off in total. Although DP and I split his sick days this has meant a fair bit of time off for me in the last two months too.

I am finding it really stressful managing his illness, plus being generally under the weather all the time myself, pregnancy and this commute.

I was planning to start my maternity leave at about 34 weeks, and I also have some annual leave to take before hand. However, as I've been up all night and off work again this week with a sick child I am thinking of starting ML at the earliest possible time, which I believe is 29 weeks. With the annual leave I have to take too, this would probably mean less than a month left at work.

DP thinks it is sensible (and would also allow him to work uninterrupted - he is self-employed and the higher earner). I feel like a bit of a skiver starting ML at about 6 months. AIBU to start leave early??

Yanbu deciding when to start ml is very personal and everyones different. I started mine with ds1 at 38 weeks and he came 2 days later which felt perfect. However with dc2 I had ds to look after and like you lots of holidays to take so I left at 34 weeks (ml actually started 6 wks after iyswim) this actually felt really early but it was lovely for us as we had lots of time together before dc2 came and all he'll let loose . I do think I might have regretted it if I'd had to go back to work any earlier though so you may regret starting ml really early.

You wouldn't be. A colleague of mine started her ML at 6 months purely so she could spend some quality time with her older child before the new baby came along.

However, I work in a school, and you do find that new starters do suffer with one thing after another.Ffirstly, they are tired and run down, especially by the time half term comes around. Secondly, mixing with new children means mixing with new strains of germs that they need to build up immunity to.

It usually settles down soon after half term, the children are rested and there are fewer new strains for them to come into contact with.

So you may find that by the time you could start your maternity leave/holiday, your son is no longer getting ill so often and you don't actually want to start ML so early.

So personally, I would give it a week or 2 after half term before making your decision.

Yanbu. But does it mean you have to return earlier?

I'll probably take the full year off anyway, so would return when the baby is 10-12 months-ish. Hopefully will be going back part time as well!

You should do what of right for you. However, you will find that your ds's illnesses will settle down ad his immune system improves. My dd was the same in the first few months but quickly settled. Dont worry about what others think, you have to do what is right for you.

If you are taking the full year do it. I went at 32wks on dd2 and am confident that having that time to bond with dd1, to make her secure and completely unthreatened by baby, and to rest and ease myself, prepare for another newborn, made my mat leave with dd2 perfect, and prevented a huge stress and discomfort to me. She was a demanding and hard baby, dd1 was prepared and wonderful. I was settled into being at home, which takes a while, homes are messier and harder to run when your in them all the time, so could cope far better than I otherwise would have. It's hugely personal, but I am left in no doubt that I made the right decision. Although st the time there were a few raised.eyebrows.and suggestions that I was sacrificing time with the baby, I know I did the right thing.

I think I will talk to my boss tomorrow about how soon I can go!