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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable here?

27 replies

DampDudes · 22/10/2013 20:15

A couple having been having occasional unprotected sex since May knowing that their DC1 was conceived very quickly indeed.

In June they completely abandoned protection.

Since September they have been having much more sex than usual - almost as much as pre-toddler times.

Partner A reckons they've been trying for a baby for six months.

Partner B calculates they've been trying for barely two.

Who is being the most/least unreasonable?

OP posts:
petalsandstars · 22/10/2013 20:17

Since June so 4 months

quoteunquote · 22/10/2013 20:18

They have been trying for a baby since they started unprotected sex,

That is exactly how you make a baby, have unprotected sex.

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:18

erm...nit picky? trying is trying....one go between protected sex counts or doesn't count? When is sex not sex? cos you have a condom on? Confused here.

strruglingoldteach · 22/10/2013 20:19

Yes, since they stopped using protection.

Original poster
DampDudes · 22/10/2013 20:19

archie - that makes two of us - you've confused me right back!

OP posts:
archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:20

so....having unprotected sex which did not result in conception was what? A dry run....oh how I am laughing here....dry run

DevilsRoulette · 22/10/2013 20:22

since the first time they had unprotected sex. Your body doesn't go whoa, they're still sometimes using protection, let's not implant yet Grin

Original poster
DampDudes · 22/10/2013 20:24

Thank you all. I KNEW I wasn't being bloody unreasonable stating we'd been trying for a baby for 6 months. Because sod all has happened and DH just keeps going "well, we've barely been trying for two months. No need to stress about it yet".

Grr.

OP posts:
exexpat · 22/10/2013 20:25

I'd see it as: since June they haven't been trying not to get pregnant, but since September they have actively been trying to get pregnant. Small difference, but I think there is one in terms of intent.

However, all three times I got pregnant it was during the 'not trying not to get pregnant' stage, so in the end it doesn't really make any difference in practice.

Why does it matter to you, OP?

Jengnr · 22/10/2013 20:25

I think there's a difference between actively trying and not doing anything to stop it.

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:25

OP this isn't you is it? I did use to decelare we were trying for DD2 for 3 months till my DH said....yeah but for 2 months we didn't have sex. he did have a point

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:26

THis is the same as saying you can't get pregnant standing up but somehow the reverse

exexpat · 22/10/2013 20:27

x-posted. If during May-September you weren't actually having much sex or paying attention to when you might be ovulating etc, then I think I'd be more on your DH's view.

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:27

I think your DH needs a refresher on what happens when a man puts his love jus up the lady without a johnny on and what doesn't happen if he puts a johnny on....ffs

Original poster
DampDudes · 22/10/2013 20:28

we have been having sex. We've just been having more of late. Well. Except for the nights when we've pissed each other off.

OP posts:
Original poster
DampDudes · 22/10/2013 20:29

May-September we were having sex. Just not as much as since then.

In my head as soon as we left off the contraception then a baby was the hopeful potential outcome

OP posts:
archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:30

Damp, this is way to complicated for what you are trying to achieve in real terms. have the unprotected sex to have the baby with an adult who understands these things and with whom you can agree as to what trying for a baby actually means. oh nad one who doesn't piss you off. it should be fun by the way.

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:31

but the contraception was haphazard so a baby was still a potentiality. what don't you get here?

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:32

Why were you still using protection then if you were trying?

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:32

or were you not trying but hoping for a bit of a turn up for the books when you didn't protect....

Coldlightofday · 22/10/2013 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

archieplacid · 22/10/2013 20:36

You do it up against the wall without a condom then wonder why the fuck you are/aren't pregnant.

Thants · 22/10/2013 20:47

Since May. If you aren't using contraception then you are trying for a baby.

DontmindifIdo · 22/10/2013 20:48

Ah I see, you want to talk about it and he's just pretending there's not a problem because in his head, until he thought about trying for a baby, he wasn't trying for a baby, he just wasnt trying not to have a baby. therefore all the unprotected sex before wouldn't count because he wasn't thinking it was sex with intent, in his mind he was just having sex and not bothering about contraception. It's infuriating but stop trying to have angst about it, and don't discuss it with him, it will just annoy you and it's not like he can do anything other than have lots of sex with you. Give it until Christmas, if you still aren't knocked up, book a doctors appointment.

drawsofdrawers · 22/10/2013 20:51

Ya both bu. Quite childish.