To feel funny and odd about this...

[strictlyfan2013]

My father died nearly a year ago. There was no love lost between us (long back story) but my mother & 2 younger sisters were devoted to him. My mother wants to scatter his ashes this weekend at a famous cricket ground. The thought of it makes me feel ill and sick in the stomach which I didn't feel at the funeral or remembrance service at the hospice. These feelings have thrown me to be honest. Perhaps I would feel a bit fake standing there being all respectful, and then having to support upset mother and sisters. I'm not sure I can go through it all again. Then I feel guilty about feeling this way. And why do I feel like this? Sorry, just looking for a bit of advice....

I don't speak to my Dad and would not go to his funeral or anything else, so not sure how valid my opinion will be, but I shall offer it anyway!

For the sake of your relationship with your mum and sisters, could you go as just a support for them? I think that even though it may be hard, they may feel resentful of you didn't go, so going may be the easiest option in the long run.

My mum and sister hate my dad, so I don't have this aspect to deal with. If I did, I think my feelings for them may have overridden the feelings I have about my dad.

I guess your mum and sisters are aware of how the relationship between you and your dad was? Would they really expect you go to the scattering? Have you spoken to them about it?

Maybe you are finding this harder because a fair amount of time has past now, and it's raking up feelings you thought you'd dealt with?

also, fwiw, if you really feel you don't won't to go, your feelings are perfectly valid and I do think your mum and sisters should respect that, especially as you did attend the funeral and remembrance service.

sorry, don't want to go....

mine died just over a year ago, I know I did love him but we were not the best of friends, he was a very selfish and difficult man especially in his last few years when he was ill. He did not treat my mum very well, spoke to her nastily and demanded a lot of attention and could not see where he was ever wrong. This is why my brothers and I lost respect for him and disliked him. to my mum of course all this is forgotten and he is a virtual saint now he is gone, she planted a tree and buried his ashes under it on his golf course and I had to travel 350 miles for a weekend to go along to see this happen. I really did not want to neither did my brother but we knew that we had to for Mum, he was her life partner for over 60 years and she misses him mainly as he was rather than what he became and we try hard to respect that whatever our own feelings about him were. I don't know your back story but unless it is really horrific and your mum and sister know it, then I think you have to go and get through it as best you can. do you a partner you can take for support? we felt that Dads ashes should have been dealt with straight after the funeral as tbh a year later it just brought it all back again and felt weird, sounds like this is what you are feeling. all I can say is that this really will be the end after this and life can go on leaving those who want to remember him to do so and those that don't to forget. good luck