To be upset that my DS seems to prefer his Dad

[yellowowl]

I have a gorgeous 15 month old toddler who I love to bits, he is gorgeous.
over the last few months he has increasingly preferred his dad when we are together, pushing me away if I try to join in a cuddle etc. when its just us two he fine with me, and affectionate.
I feel so upset by this, and its affecting my general mood, im starting to feel quite depressed about it, as I feel I must not be as good a parent as his dad.
am I over reacting? appreciate honest opinions here.

Does he spend less time with his dad? My 10 month ds gets so excited when dh comes home from work and I never get that kind of reaction but I think it's because he spends more time with me.

I can promise you that this will be a phase, just like everything is with a toddler (I have one too).

You aren't a bad parent and I can see how this must be hurtful. But, it's lovely that he wants Daddy time as well as Mummy time. If my DS doesn't see one of us because we are working, he ignores us! Once we are forgiven its ok again.

Just remember 'this too shall pass'.

yes he does , I only work two days a week, my DH works 5 days. it just seems quite extreme him pushing me away :(

honest opinion yes
my youngest ds is 12 and from moment he was born has been a daddies boy
followed him round like a lost puppy

situation hasnt changed much in 12 yrs but ds 3 knows i am there..

when he needs his mum im there..and in the background washing his clothes, cooking his meals etc
and daddies dont come useful all the time..trust me lol
hugs i know it hurts xxx

Dont be silly, your baby loves you! Just enjoy the fact that you have a lovely baby and a father who is there for your baby to enjoy time with. It's most likely that dad is there less often so it's more "special" to spend time with him. Its not about parenting at all, please dont worry! Plus, we all know boys are all for there mums later on in life, so sit back and enjoy!

You could see it as an opportunity to have a break and a cup of tea whilst they play. And maybe a sneaky peek on mn!

Totally normal. I have two DS and they both went through a phase of doing this. (They still let me do some special tasks though; for example, my DH was not allowed to read the bedtime story and tuck them in - for some reason they preferred mum when it came to stories.)

DS1 must have had at least a year of saying, "I don't love you, Mummy, I only love Daddy." This would have hurt me if I had believed it but somehow I never believed it; I just assumed it was some weird developmental phase he was going through and I would laugh it off.

I also have to say that you should take maximum advantage of Dad being the favourite parent! "No mummy, don't change my nappy! I want daddy to change my nappy. No mummy, don't brush my teeth!" ... you get the idea. I would say, "So sorry, DH, I would love to change his nappy, but he really wants YOU to change it."

your baby is seeing you more than his dad of course he is wanting to play or benear him dont take it to heart it is no reflection on you be happy that your little boy is a happy baby who wants to interact , fwiw this might just be a phase most babies prefer one parent to other in fact most children prefer one parent to another or it looks that way my eldest dd gets on better with her dad than me and I could be invisible when he is around, we had an iffy teen stage but now they are back to normal and im still invisible I honestly dont take it personal ,

Thank you for these opinions, it is really useful! in my head I do know that he loves me, it is just very painful for some reason, I think I need to manage my expectations, he is a baby, he is not there to fulfil my emotional needs. sigh, parenting is HARD sometimes.

Yeah, I echo other posters and take it as an opportunity for some feet-up time :)

It'll change at some point, even if it doesn't, he still loves you - you're his only mummy

you are right and TBH it can be really Meh when you have been with them all day or whatever and you are pushed to the side for superdad you are right babies are not really for our emotional needs and yes it is bloody hard, let him have some time with his dad and go do something else enjoy the time away rather than fretting and being upset

My son did this when he was the same age. It broke my heart and I felt ashamed of it - I did not have the relationship with him that I was supposed to have and I must have done something wrong. For a while it affected my relationship with ds. I would say it lasted until he was about 3 and then I realised that somewhere along the line, I had become the person he ran to when he was hurt and it was my side of the bed he got into when he wanted a hug.

You are not over reacting because the sense of rejection is very real. Talk to your husband about it. I felt better once dh had acknowledged that I was not imagining it and pretending that nothing was actually wrong.

There are three other pieces of advice I would give you:

1. Never make an issue of it with your son. Although it hurts you, as you say he is not responsible for your emotional needs. I made an issue of it once and it was a terrible mistake.

1. When ds turned away from me, I made sure that he understood my love was unconditional and I would be there when he wanted me.

1. I spent time with him doing something without dh. We used to climb in the den in the clmibing frame in the park and tell stories. They were always about an Octopus and even now (when he is 10), if he is upset, he will ask about Octy the Octopus.

It is a phase, but it may take a while for it to pass. Don't dismiss your feelings, you are entitled to them and they are real.

Ds told me the other day that I rock as a mum and he loves me more than he can say.

You will get there.

Gooseyloosey thank you for your lovely post. that is how I feel, ashamed. I will keep on going, and make the most of the good times we do have. x

It's just a phase, don't worry both of mine did this.

My DS is exactly the same (he's nearly two). If daddy is around, I barely get a second glance, and he's been known to have a tantrum in the morning if I go to get him up and not daddy. I find it really upsetting, though it's got a lot better and seems to be evening out a little bit. I work P/T and DH F/T and therefore I spend more time with DS, and when it's just us he is lovely and we get on brilliantly and have a lot of fun, but when DH is here it's constant whining for 'daddy! cuddle daddy!' Someone said to look at it like this; DS knows I love him, he's secure of that and trusts that I'll always just be here in the background whenever he needs me, but because he see's his dad less (due to work, and DH is a brilliant hands on dad, don't get me wrong) he finds it more confusing and needs to seek out DH's attention and love when he's around. I don't know if that's just rubbish, but it made me feel better.

It is hard, but he loves you I promise. After whinging for daddy all morning, when I came downstairs after getting dressed this morning DS ran at me in a rugby tackle style shouting 'MUMMY BEAR!' and cuddled my legs. So he does luff me really.

Cross post; that's lovely Goosey. And you're right about feeling ashamed, I sometimes feel like I've cocked up somewhere and DS just doesn't feel bonded or connected to me, but it's rubbish. He just needs me in different ways to his dad.

aww bless you yellowowl..nothing to feel ashamed of sweetheart..hugs xxx