To consider walking away

[thesoundoflife]

I have been with DP for 11 years. We have been engaged most of that time but never got round to tying the knot. I initially wanted a long engagement as we got together as teens so I was fine with it. The last few years though it has been DP putting things off and I'm getting fed up of it.

I gave birth to our first child a year ago and he's still dithering. He says he wants to marry me and the only reason it hasn't happened is due to lack of funds. Yes we are both in fairly low paid jobs and don't have a huge amount left over after bills etc but I'm quite happy to elope and it be just the three of us there. He agrees when I bring it up then doesn't mention it anymore. He has plans for next year, holidays etc but doesn't bring up getting married unless I do. I'm so upset about it, to the point I feel like telling him to piss off. AIBU?

he might be thinking well im not really bothered, and we are happy and engaged and have a baby, and she only mentions it occasionally then doesn't bring it up.

I think ots telling that you went in a huff and he didnt know what was wrong.

both your communication is awful!

I agree, it sounds like you haven't really talked about it, you're leaving him to guess what's wrong.

I'm afraid you're going to have to ask him if he doesn't want to get married, meaning he's happy as he is, or is it that he just doesn't want to marry you.

thesoundoflife
I have given him so many options and suggestions. The only thing I'm met with is 'ok' or occasionally 'that's nice'.

It sounds like this is where it breaks down, because it looks as though the conversation then stops, so this is when you need to progress.

Maybe it's not the idea of being married that he's backed away from, maybe it's the idea of a big and fussy wedding or even being the centre of attention.

You really need to talk and to put all your cards on the table, both of you, and calmly. Explain that you want a legal foundation for yourself and your child(ren) and that it's good for him if it was the same - that's it's the relationship not the big party that's important.

Offer him some very low cost options and see what his actual responses are.
It need be no more than a nice outfit each and a trip to the local register office.

Personally I think it sounds like a lovely wedding if you did that and then went straight to visit his family for your combined honeymoon and meeting your DC.
Tell all your friends and family when you get back.

Marriage would be a deal breaker for me but that is a personal thing so I can understand why op wants marriage.

You need to tell him and don't take a wolly answer ... Talk to him.

Is there anything you could sell to put toward the wedding? I did this. Only had two witnesses at the Registry Office. I didn't have a wedding dress - bought a dress that I could wear again (have been invited to a wedding and will wear it to that)

If they are engaged to be married-surely it has been talked about-as in they both want to be married!

A child & the best part of 11yrs-what's the hold up??

Is he worried about it being too big/expensive?

Jeez-I'd give him a timeline tbh!

"....If he's in a fairly low paid job and you are still working after recently having a child, he should be grateful that someone is willing to marry him at all!"

Wow, that's incredible.