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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh wants to consider ridiculously impractical plan for Christmas..

13 replies

wakemeupnow · 22/10/2013 09:06

We live abroad, DS is coming home for Christmas / 18th birthday. His flights have already been booked and paid for. Now Dh wants us all to fly to Uk as we've been invited to his relatives for a family Christmas. This will cost a lot of money we can't afford and will totally trash Ds' birthday plans with his friends and mean he spends his 2 weeks holiday flying back and forth.

It's clear to me that it's a non starter but I know if I say it as it is Dh will feel un emancipated and start to dig his heels in.

OP posts:

DevilsRoulette · 22/10/2013 09:30

What about asking him to work out the budget, showing how much it will all cost and where the money is coming from, plus which flights your son will have to get in order to do all the things he has planned.

Many things that seem lovely as wishy washy half plans are very clearly impractical once someone has to actually plan them out penny by penny and moment by moment.

It's just that often the person doing the wishy washy planning also delegates Making It Happen to someone else.

funny, that.

Tuppenceinred · 22/10/2013 09:32

The first thing that occurs to me is that your son is 18, so your husband should check before organising anything including him. He might not choose to join in.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 22/10/2013 09:35

Tell DH it's too late for this year, but to plan now for next year (then either help or never mention it again and hope he forgets depending on if you actually want a Xmas with his family in the UK or not...)

expatinscotland · 22/10/2013 09:35

Send your DH off then. He digs his heels in, he is free to jog on, but I'd not trash an 18th party for that, no.

Original poster

wakemeupnow · 22/10/2013 09:45

Dh Is away working at the moment so is very much a case of him being the wishy washy fantasist and me the one organising Devils.

He just sent me an email saying how great it would be to go to his families for Christmas. He clearly hasn't thought it through. He cant' bear to feel he is missing out on anything. He also hates to be blocked in what he wants to do.

There's no way I'm blowing out Ds's 18th to go away. I just need to suppress my frustrated annoyance at Dh or he'll get all uppity about going.

Situations like this really piss me off as I become the boring killjoy voice of reality

OP posts:

girlywhirly · 22/10/2013 09:48

I think your DS has the prior claim on where you have Christmas because his flights are already sorted and he's made arrangements with his friends. I think if DH's family wanted you all to go there they should have asked sooner to allow you to make arrangements knowing that it would involve arranging flights, and they should have considered that DS might be having a party for his 18th with his friends. I suspect it never occurred to whoever invited you. If you can't afford it that is another good reason not to go.

I am wondering if the family think once DS is 18, they won't see you all as a family so much because DS will be doing his own thing. Or this is the one time they've managed to get everyone together at the same time.

If you wanted further ammunition you could add that as the UK weather has been so crap at Christmas, you don't want the hassle of cancelled flights.

sugarandspite · 22/10/2013 09:50

Op: 'Oh that sounds lovely. Such a good idea. Lets definitely book that in for next year...'

DH: But I wanted to go this year...

Op: 'Of course, it would be lovely and if we go next year then we can invite x and y too etc'

And no one can complain of you being anything other than enthusiastic and supportive!

TeaAndCakeOrDeath · 22/10/2013 09:50

Can you not 'steer' him towards this plan for next year? Then it gives him you both time to plan/save some money up and wont upset your sons big birthday?
Lots of "Hmmm dear, that sounds great, bit short notice this year but I agree, wont it be lovely to see our families at xmas? We should get some brochures etc and really work out some good plans for next Christmas, how great you had this idea..." etc?

That way he feels it is a good plan/wont feel emasculated but saves you some last minute stress, more time to plan etc?

vtechjazz · 22/10/2013 09:54

If you are the one organizing things, just don't organize the bits you don't want! I'm sure he will lose interest once he has to actually micro manage his dream christmas.

GrendelsMum · 22/10/2013 09:57

I think Sugar and Spite is right. Agree it sounds lovely, and you can do it next year.

Original poster

wakemeupnow · 22/10/2013 10:06

vtech That's is my usual strategy

I suppose being nice and comisserative and planning for next year might work better that calling him a fucktard and telling him to get real with his last minute ill thought out ideas.

His whole family is pretty shit at thinking practically , hence the late invite and lack of awareness of ds' situation

OP posts:

Inertia · 22/10/2013 11:12

Think I would contact the relatives myself and say how kind it was of them to invite you but it would be impossible this year at such late notice as Ds already has flights home booked. However if the invite extends to next Christmas you would love to set the plans early next year.

FunkyBoldRibena · 22/10/2013 22:56

Oh dear, if only you had said before our son bought his flights home for his birthday. Maybe next year.

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