To feel disappointed for my dsd

[WholeNutt]

Dsd mum booked an overnight stay and a concert for her and dsd at the beginning of this year. Dsd has talked about going quite a lot over the months and the concert is in 3 weeks so she's on a very excited countdown.

Dsd mum parents have recently bought her a business one the family are all familiar with, obviously any business be it new or as in her case new ownership takes work, long hours and dedication.

Today we found out that she has told dsd their trip is cancelled due to her needing to work. She is so upset, this is the 2nd thing that she's cancelled for them both the 1st being a trip to watch dsd in her first sports tournament.

Dh and I are now trying to get the time off to take her. We have shared care 50/50 and live very close to her. I know her mum has her reasons but I can't help but feel sad that dsd has been let down.

She has a close family and they each cover for another if needed, it's likely non of my business but AIBU wonder why this can't be the case for this situation and honour her promise to take her to this concert?

It is only natural that you would feel disappointed for your dsd. You have seen for yourself just how excited the plans have made her feel and now have to see just how sad and upset this disappointment will make her feel. It is really is hugely unfair for her. I hope there is some way you and dh can make it happen for dsd. Unfortunately, there isn't too much you can about dsd's mom's actions. She is certainly not helping her relationship with her daughter by letting her down again. Hope it all works out in the end.

Surely the promise is between Your DSDs mum and her (therefore not your promise to honour?) It would be better to stay out of it altogether. Although it is very thoughtful and sensitive of you to care about dsd's disappointment, I wouldnt go down the path of trying to remediate her mum's decision or behaviour.

Frustrating and disappointing as it is, the DM has made her decision and that is final esp there is a 50/50 arrangement. Decisions made during her period of care (and yes it does create a very artificial divide) are best left. IME it can undermine that person's authority.

All you can do is carry on with your own life with dsd, and make it happy for her. Children have an innate way of dealing with their parents in their own way and it could create conflict and divided loyalties for her if you are involved.

Not sure if you are aware of the SP board, some great advice from supportive SPs on there!

I would feel disappointed for your dsd too. But understandably this work situation might have to take priority right now. I think rather stay out of this one. You have good intentions, but it might come across as you trying to show her mum up by taking her instead.

No harm in speaking to DSDs mum and offering to take DSD if SHE is happy with that. Otherwise I would probably stay out of it and ensure that you never promise to do anything that you can't fulfill yourselves. It's hard on DSD and it's nice that you care so much, just be wary of causing more problems.

I'm staying out of it, it was dh suggestion we try to take her. I do understand that she needs to get herself up and running but she keeps letting dsd down. It's sad to hear so upset.