I cant help feeling upset :(

[mummytwoone]

Hi everyone me and my ex have been split for 3 years now and our son sees his father every other weekend i still provide clothes for him which often don't return meaning i have to go out and buy new ones all the time. my son still sleeps on a small child blow up bed which he says he gets cold (iv spoken to ex about this but nothings changed). When ever i ask my son what hes done with his dad he says watch telly or nothing. when i spoke to my ex the other day about taking him out he said he just couldn't afford to i kinda thought ok with a new misses and another baby on the way things were tight but then i found out hes brought his gf a car a horse and a new laptop and baby designer clothes. i just feel so upset for my son i just feel he deserves more my ex pays me support with csa and says i should be grateful its not about the money tho. i just want my ex to provide my child with a bed and love. My ex has told me hes not having him over Xmas next year as his gf wants it just to be her him and baby which makes me so cross that my ex is ok with that. my son doesn't receive calls or anything from his dad when its not his weekend its like out of sight out of mind and then he strolls up saying im his dad iv have got a new partner which my son adores and has started calling step dad which my ex hates and has told him hes not allowed to call him that. i just feel stuck i now how important it is for my son to see his dad yet at the same time his dad dont deserve to iv been so patient with him changing when he sees him yet he throws it back in my face and then dont want to no even when hes got him. He has the same rights as me i just had enough of him treating my son this way i need this to end.

Yur xp is a first class idiot, your ds can call your your rather whatever h feels comfortable with. Your por ds being treated so shoddily by his sad, lik a second class citizen. It's like he wants tb titl without the effort. Not wanting his own ds for Christmas because he wants to spend it with his with his new family . How old is your ds? Does it affect your ds?

Sorry about the typos, I'm on my I pad and 1 finger typing

Ithink when your ds is older he will see how badly he is being treated by his dad, and will make his own mind up about seeing his dad

Stop over night contact until he gets some proper sleeping arrangements and some clothes at his house.

I have never heard such a lame excuse why he don't do nothing apart from TV in all my life.

Go to the park, kick about with a football, pens and paper ( pound land) make mud pies, playing with toys together ( what person don't like playing with lego) game of tag, hide and seek ( that's just on top of my head)

How old is ds? Is he old enough to choose if he goes.
Your ex is behaving like an absolute cunt.

Its like you are describing my DS1s father, admittedly around 15 years ago but I can still remember.

I'm surprised you haven't really kicked off about it like I did some people would have. You are entitled to be upset, you are entitled to be raging.

How old is your DS?

I would:

1. Give him the option of going there or not depending on age
2. Stop him sleeping there until sufficient care is provided. This means a bed, adequate bed linen, clothes, toys, toothbrush etc.
3. If he does spend time there, make sure I provided him with things to do and phone call where he can explain what been happening
4. Consider signing your DS up to an activity of his choice (such as football) that his dad would then need to take him to during the weekend so at least they aren't just watching telly.
5. Arrange a meeting to discuss issues with your ex and his new partner
6. Consider legal advice about how you can ensure he treats your sons how he deserves not how he can be bothered to

My son is 5 and he has started not wanting to go but im worried if i try and stop my ex seeing him he will say im making my son say that :( my son loves his dad yet he to be honest he wouldn't care if he didn't go. i just feel my ex is letting him down (like normal) if i went to solicitors what do people think my chances would be stopping access until its sorted eg he has a proper bed oh thats another thing my ex told my son he couldnt afford to get him a proper bed at the min (hes been saying that for the past 3 years).

Omg that's sounds the spitting image of my ex! The blow up bed and everything.

Just hang in there, he won't change but your son will see him for who is and will want to stop to seeing him before long. Nothing you can about that, just support your son and make your time with him extra special

To be honest i dont no were i stand regarding stopping him having him overnight i thought if he was on the birth c i didnt really have a leg to stand on and hes told me he would take me to court for access im just worried if he got more days then he does now if he won i dont think i could take it.

Yes I would tell your ex that the sleeping arrangements are unacceptable, unless they change overnight access will be stopped. Hopefully as your ds gets older, he can choose not to go. Just shower him with love like I'm sure you do, and have cheapo clothes for contact so if they get lost it does not matter

Defintely look at a solicitor as your ds sleeping arrangements are inadequate, blow up bed is small and cold, so therefore ex is providing inadequate sleeping arrangements