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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mouldy cup

48 replies

Angelina77 · 21/10/2013 22:43

Am I overreacting? Came in from an evening out with bf and spotted a mouldy coffee cup hiding behind the curtain so I tipped the mould down the sink and put the cup in the bowl. There was a bit of dirty water in the sink but the cup was gross and I didn't feel well so I just left it there.

Later on I asked bf to make me a tea for my stomach and guess what? When I got down to the bottom I saw the thick black line where the mould had been. He'd just picked it out of the sink and gave it a quick rinse.

Anyone else think that's unacceptable?

OP posts:

TheEponymousGrub · 22/10/2013 15:30

Erm, Quacks.. I just sounded very rude...I didn't mean to be so harsh! (Sorry!)

QuacksForDoughnuts · 22/10/2013 15:37

Heh, no worries. I don't personally want to reuse it at all, but partner doesn't drink coffee so doesn't get that. Sometimes I let one reuse slide because it's nice that the resident non-coffee-drinker has bothered to make me one. Other times my morning 'coffee' has ended up as slightly adulterated water, and that really bothers me. Now I'm more on top of emptying the thing anyway so it doesn't happen much - it was part of adjusting to living together as opposed to several hours apart.

Original poster

Angelina77 · 22/10/2013 15:45

Thanks MissStrawberry, that's where I was coming from. Normally I would've cleaned it and emptied the dirty water out of the sink and cleaned the sink (BF has a habit of draining peas or whatever into the bowl with dirty pots and just leaving it to fester and I'm the only one that properly cleans the sink but he needs to step up a bit at the moment).

Anyway we had a row over it but he's been all grovelly and sweet today so maybe he's been reading this thread :)

OP posts:

MissStrawberry · 22/10/2013 15:56

Put a stop to him thinking housework is your job. Maybe serve his dinner on a dirty plate if he says he doesn't see the problem with what he did.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 16:34

Thinking that one's partner should be capable of telling the difference between a visibly dirty cup in the sink and a clean cup in the cupboard is precious?

I never thought I'd be on the opposite side to you SGB, on something like this.

Angelina, what's the housework balance like? It sounds suspiciously like you may do most stuff, because you've been trained to believe he is incapable of an adequate job, so it's always easier to do it yourself.

Original poster

Angelina77 · 22/10/2013 16:46

Jessie the balance isn't great, I'm no domestic goddess but we both work the same hours so there's no reason why I should do more than him. He talked me into going out last night because he didn't want to wash up and cook. I think his previous partner did everything and he knows I won't put up with that but having lived together for just over a year he's never cleaned the bathroom or toilet.

I think it's time to make a rota.

OP posts:

Cityofgold · 22/10/2013 16:55

As ever on these threads there are two options:

He deliberately used a dirty cup = YANBU.
He made a mistake = Chill out, mistakes happen. It is not the grossest thing that is ever going to happen.

As regards all the "war-widening" suggesting this is a symptom of some wider idleness on the part of the OP's DP vis a vis housework. Get some perspective and do not be so man-hating.

A Rota is a terrible idea. It is prescriptive as opposed to collaborative. Outcome is much more likely to be "I'm not doing that because it is not my turn/job" than a new harmony descending over the household. Besides; chances of a rota surviving your impending new arrival (BTW congratulations!) = nil.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 16:56

Angelina this isn't the nicest news you'll ever hear, but you have a problem to sort out, and it has to be sorted by the time the baby's born.

You don't want to continue doing more while you're on maternity leave, because it will turn into ALL the housework because "you're at home all day".

Unless your boyfriend works as a male underwear model, I bet his job utilises exactly the same skills as identifying that a cup needs washing up because it is in the area for washing up.

It's just that he doesn't recognise simple tasks as his responsibility at home.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 17:22

cityofgold ye-es, my belief that men are as capable of basic hygiene as women is "man-hating".

"Mistake" is rather missing the point. I have made a hell of a lot of mistakes in my life, in and out of the household. I haven't got a cupboard mixed up with a sink, though.

Not even with my glasses off!

Nor have I faked washing up. I do it, or I leave it for someone else! He didn't only rinse it by mistake. He only rinsed because that's all he does.

Cityofgold · 22/10/2013 18:39

If he is being blamed for not washing it - surely the OP is equally (if not more) to blame for not washing it in the first place? Can't have one rule for one and another for the other. If he has to take responsibility for washing cups, so does she.
He sounds like a nice bloke to me; she asked him to make her a cup of tea and off he went to make one. He picked up the first cup he saw, rinsed it out and in went the BOILING water. Asking for a favour and then complaining about the way it is done is a bit of an over-reaction. As is all the war-widening suggesting that this means he will not be doing his share when the baby arrives.

eleflump · 22/10/2013 19:45

At least it was a coffee mug and not a green beaker.....

zoobaby · 22/10/2013 20:22

Who in their right mind would take a bus straight out of a sink and start making a tea in it? A sink is for holding used (dirty, regardless of potential mould or otherwise) items. Disgusting!

zoobaby · 22/10/2013 20:23

Sorry phone typing. Obviously, a mouldy bus in your sink is a lot different to a mouldy cup.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 20:34

... Are you sure you don't hate and despise men? You really seem to think very little of grown adults.

Do you know that some men work as chemists? Even a GCSE Chemistry practical is more complex than tea-making, and it's just as, or more, essential to use a clean receptacle for those procedures.

The issue was not that there was a filthy cup in the sink. The issue is that he just "picked up the first mug he saw" despite it being in the sink and did not bother to wash it. Is it a female's responsibility to make sure that there are no dirty cups to pick?

That's treating men and household cleaning like three-year-olds and scissors! And "nice bloke"? He may be very nice in all other matters, but I hardly think that the simple fact he made a cup of tea for his pregnant girlfriend is noteworthy.

I've made cups of tea for colleagues at work! Making cups of tea is the lowest rung of British politeness! Between partners, it does not form a "favour".

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 20:41

Let's just check some vocab here. If I ask my husband for a cup of tea, it's a favour.

So, was the dinner I made earlier a "favour"? Am I a nice dame for having made him dinner as well as myself, or is that perhaps funnily enough just what women partners do?

SolidGoldBrass · 22/10/2013 20:44

Ah, hadn't actually realised that the OP lives with the man and he expects her to do the majority of the house work, as doing his share will make his cock fall off. The people saying you need to have a talk with him before the baby comes are not wrong, OP.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 20:52

FreeWoooooooo · 22/10/2013 20:56

NewbieMcNewbie she shouldn't have put it in the sink? Where else would you put a cup that needs washing???

Cityofgold I imagine (but do correct me if I'm wrong OP) there is more than one cup in their household so a mouldy cup which is going to need a good scrub can perfectly legitimately be left in the sink till a full bowl is run, such as after dinner, then it can be done then. I wouldn't run a bowl for one cup but it needs a good hot, soapy soak before I'd drink out of it and the OP has said she felt sick so didn't feel up to it. He was being unreasonable to take a dirty cup out of the sink and give it a swill. As I said, I'm sure they have more than one cup in their house; get a clean one from the cupboard.

eleflump when I clicked on the thread link I expected the mouldy cup to be beside the OP's bed a la the penis beaker!

Stealmysunshine · 22/10/2013 21:00

YANBU

Gross! I would have thrown up and probably be put off tea for a while.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 21:05

FreeWoooooooo I decided earlier that if they'd just had the one mug, it would have been searched for days ago, before the mould had a chance to grow.

FreeWoooooooo · 22/10/2013 21:30

Ha good point TheBigJessie!

Pennyacrossthehall · 22/10/2013 23:02

Personally, I'm just glad it turned out that this wasn't a moon cup thread.

TheBigJessie · 22/10/2013 23:09

I thought it was going to be a mooncup thread too.

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