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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

unreasonable to expect a reply?

10 replies

Kristal123 · 21/10/2013 19:40

My childrens father and I are no longer together, we ended around june, since then he's shown little or no interest in our two children, my daughter has serve scalp problems, and has been back and fourth from hospital due to it, anyway on wednesday I had an appointment for her at 9.45, my hospital is an hour away and I also have an 18 month old who is a really bad sleeper waking 2-3 times a night and struggles to get the sleep before midnight, so I had to wake up at about 8.30 despite being up most the night and get my dd to this appointment, anyway they wanted to do a biopsy on her, which involved giving her some medicine to make her drowsy, not that it did, she literally had to be pinned down by about 5 nurses in order to do this biopsy and it was very traumatising for my daughter and myself as she was covered in blood where the doctor was unable to stitch it (it only needed one stitch but she was hysterical) anyway we had to stay behind for half an hour after to monitor her and the bleed, which luckily she recovered well and didn't need the stitch, I then had to wait an hour at the hospital pharmacy to get her prescription, in this time I messaged her dad on whatsapp and told him some of what was happening, this was around 10 anyway at 12 I noticed he had been on, so had read it, but by 3 I still had no response from him! This obviously annoyed me. Anyway at 7 I got a message from him asking how the appointment went, I just said to him well you read what I wrote and ignored it, I don't appreciate being ignore especially when it concerns our child, he then sent me a very abusive message! How he's half brothers mum had died, and he's brother was heartbroken that's why he didn't reply and how I probably don't care because I'm a fucking self absorb cunt who just moans about everything!! I would love to know what part of that was me being self absorb? I was at the hospital for 5 hours for my daughter, yes its very sad he's brothers mum died but I still don't see how that would mean he couldn't respond, what does he think I would do if I was in that position? Put my kids in the corner for a few hours and ignore them because someone's mum died? It takes nothing to say "sorry I'm abit busy at the moment but we can chat later" rather than just ignoring it! I then got another message shortly after telling me "not to bother replying you fucking cunt" was I in the wrong? As I haven't heard from him since and he also said I should of asked why he didn't reply but surely when I messaged him he should of said sorry nows not a good time. Aibu?

OP posts:
Helpyourself · 21/10/2013 19:43

Sorry Kristal, he sounds horrible. I guess you just know now you can't count on him. Sad
How's your daughter?

FastWindow · 21/10/2013 19:46

Wow. Just wow.

RevelsRoulette · 21/10/2013 19:47

You were not in the wrong. You aren't psychic. His language towards you is horribly abusive and it's his child you were attempting to contact him about.

He's horrible.

Don't reply. I bet he actually wants you to so he can spew more bile at you. Don't.

CoffeeTea103 · 21/10/2013 19:50

Did you know that his brothers mum had passed away?

BigWoooooo · 21/10/2013 19:53

Yuck. He sounds utterly disgusting. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

How is your little girl? It all sounds very traumatic. Poor you, you must be shattered.

Kristal123 · 21/10/2013 19:57

No, I didn't know. he's exact text was

Well your being self aborbs and moaning. I found out earlier my brother mum died and obviously hes heart broken. Doubt you would care as your a mug like that. Instead of you being a rude cunt you would of found out why I didn't fucking reply. You sad fucking cunt

And a few minutes later

Don't even fucking bother reply u cunt

I didn't reply as I was just shocked all I had said to him was he read what I wrote and ignored it which I don't expect him to do as it was concerning our child. Tbh I won't be contacting him again, he's normally very hostile.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2013 · 21/10/2013 19:58

YANBU - yes it's sad about his brother's mum and I understand he needed to support him. However, he went on whatsapp so could have just said something like 'sorry dealing with a family emergency at the moment but tell dd I'm thinking of her and we can talk later'

Or when he sent you the later message asking about the appointment he could have explained why he had not been in contact earlier and then you would have understood.

Sounds like you had a very stressful day so I hope you and your dd are ok xx

CoffeeTea103 · 21/10/2013 20:00

Yanbu, 10 seconds to message what's going on is the least he could have done, knowing his child is having a biopsy. Don't contact him again.

Straitjacket · 21/10/2013 20:03

You really aren't unreasonable to of expected some sort of acknowledgment. A quick "Give her a big hug from me. Will call later as dealing with bad news" would of taken all of about 15 seconds to send back. He is her father after all.

His messages are shocking and bang right out of order.

Was he close to his brothers mother? Has he always behaved this way? Just wondering if grief could be behind it.

Kristal123 · 21/10/2013 20:12

No they are not very close, they don't see eachother that often and he rarely mentions him or he's mum, tbh he is normally very rude to me. My problem was him just ignoring it, but not for an hour or so, but till 7pm! even if he didn't want to tell me what had happened if I haven't responded to someone for a long time I will say "sorry for the late response/delay" when I explained to him previously about this appointment and how I wasn't sure I would be able to make it I got "this is the type of thing you should be getting up for"

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