Playing guns and knives.

[mootime]

I genuinely want to know if I'm over reacting and being precious. DS is 3.5, very good language and often therefore drawn into play with older children. Until a few weeks ago his favourite games were playing Mummies and Daddies or Peter Rabbit.

However he started preschool this term. Suddenly he is coming home talking about killing things, and everything is becoming a gun. However the final straw was when on a play date, he and his little friend started to "play" cutting people. Me and the other Mum were immediately horrified and spoke to them in no uncertain terms that this was unacceptable behaviour and they were not to ever play that sort of game again.

Over the following few days I spoke calmly to DS about how this wasn't a nice thing to play and why was he doing it. There appears to be one little boy who only wants to play those things. DS was told that he wasn't allowed to play killing anymore and I explained that I would talk to his teacher.

Teacher dealt with the issue and talked to the whole school. Apparently the boy in question has older brothers and they aware of some issues. Since then DS has found a couple of new friends (girls) and returned to playing Mummies and Daddies.

However the boy's mum now blanks me and my Nanny like we are idiots.

Then today in the park I saw a small boy of the same age playing with a toy gun and a sword which to be honest I was a bit surprised by, but got me wondering if its just one of those things that boys go though. I just wasn't ready for this yet.

So AIBU to not allow my DS to play killing games in the playground??

Unfortunately you get some people who blindly follow 'tradition' and think it's inevitable that boys will play with guns etc. It's not.

Childhood is about exploring ideas and behaviours and learning how to be a good adult. Unless they are planning on joining the front line of the armed forces, there is no need to practice killing people.

My son has always played with guns even though he never had one until he was 5, which he saved up for himself.

Never knives though, and never bang bang you're dead type play,just incessant pew pew pew

I think you did overreact.

With my eldest DC I was adamant he would not have guns or weapon like toys. I soon realised that there was nothing I could do and it has been a stage for all of my DC male and female, although more prolonged with boys.

I don't think its gender specific, some children enjoy these games and some don't. Some girls don't ever want to play mummies and daddies, and prefer playing 'wars' like my DD. I just let them get on with it.

I think if it was just the guns as part of something, or swords in pirates then I might have not been so worried although disappointed by the change in him. I was just the random "cutting" people that got me. It felt quite street crime like, and actually quite disturbing.

Killing enemies is the only pretend play my son is interested in. He is very creative in it, finds it endlessly engaging and is completely bored by mummies and daddies or playing shops. I can see no reason why I should prevent him from doing something he finds so interesting - unlike the pp I do not think pretend play is just about practicing for adult life. So I join in and play with him and we talk about the difference between play and real life. Play is the way children explore ideas - I presume you wouldn't feel an older child should be prevented from asking questions about death or killing, so why should a younger child be stopped from playing about it? I do not think children's play trivialises subjects, and I think by banning it you will just make it more exciting.

Ds played guns, swords, lightsabers, ray-guns and bow and arrows but never knives and cutting people.

I do think most boys like guns. Using fingers if they don't have an actual gun.

Like I say, it was the knives I was particularly bothered by. I'm not sure that just because boys like guns though that we should condone it.
We live in SE London where the reality is that knives and guns are not just fictional items. Maybe that's why it seemed so unpleasant.
It seems though that I may be over reacting a bit.

We all react to things differently, you can parent how you choose, but yes I do feel the reporting to the teacher was a bit unnecessary.

I live in Hackney with friends and friends of my DC that have been stabbed. This hasn't influenced my approach.

I have a 3.11 year old. He and my sister also 3 like to pretend to shoot each other with finger guns. Then they come back to live as Zombies.

I dont have an issue with it.

some children of both sexes play more ' violent' games.

none of my children ever played mummies and daddies to be honest, my lads played 'power rangers' and pirates/super hero games that were violent though don't remember the 'cutting' knife thing.

my girls played similar but much more involving hurt animals that they helped.

play is how children explore life and resolve issues/ feelings.

unless they were actually hurting each other I would leave well al

My dd plays with guns and swords. Sees it as swashbuckling. Think it is just what they are going to do. Nice if they play other things too for balance!

Just read this again and agree the cutting is a bit disturbing and different to playing pirates or similar.

I don't think play is only about practicing for being an adult - and if it is about learning how to be a good adult then exploring through play and fantasy how awful are the dark things, the ways you don't want to live, is just as important as playing with fantasies of things you wish for.

That is why scary stories are important in a child's imagination. Nothing to do with actually wanting to create bad things or experience them.

My brother and I played with cap guns, and I have never yet killed anyone.

The cutting business does sound a bit weird.