WWYD? poss domestic violence involving neighbours...

[quesadilla]

Really don't know what to do: we live two doors down from a couple, fairly elderly (I'd say in their mid 60s though they are both heavy smokers so probably younger than they look). The woman is clearly very unhappy with her lot generally, complains about pretty much everything every time I see her. I bumped into them on Saturday in a shop and she told me, not for the first time, how fed up she is with everything and then added, almost as an afterthought: "I'm fed up with him as well, you know he hits me, don't you?"
I've been told separately by another neighbour that he "knocks her around."
I've been thinking about it constantly since this happened, its . On the one hand don't want to walk away from it and not do something. On the other a) I can't prove it, have never heard or witnessed it myself and b) I don't know what she would do if she left him, they've been married for over 40 years, she's old and not in good health with grown up children.
WWYD? Would social services get involved in a situation like this?

Stay out of it. Its nothing to do with you.

I don't think there's much you can do.

why don't you ring SS anonymously and just ask for advice?

it doesn't seem right to just do nothing :(

Just be available for if/ when she wants to talk. The fact that she has said this to you might mean that she is ready to change things. You can be there for her if she needs to talk, but I wouldn't be calling the police or anything yet, unless you want to ask for advice. It's up to you how involved you are prepared to get. You can walk away and ignore her or you can make her aware that you are there if she wants you.

How tough. Bunda has a good idea. At least she talks about it, I hope it's not a cry for help.

Bundaberg's idea sounds like a good one. This would prey on my mind too, & I wouldn't be able to just shrug my shoulders & think it was nothing to do with me. Obviously if you do hear anything suspicious, I'd get the police round there - but as you haven't, it's a really difficult situation. Did you say anything to the neighbour when she told you this - eg. ask how long this has been going on / why she stays with him?

Difficult one, can you ring 101 for advice? If you ever hear any raised voices, rcould your ring 101/999 and say you're concerned, because of what she's previously told you?

If she speaks to you again, can you suggest woman's aid?

Tricky, and I honestly don't know what I would do, it would depend on how well I knew the couple I think. Could you chat to her on her own, invite for coffee or something, let her know you will listen and help her is she needs it?
The "they have been married yonks" bit does not mean a thing TBH - one of the biggest groups for divorce thesedays is the over 60s, people whose families are grown and no longer have to stick together. Women who are brave enough to finally say enough is enough to emotional, financial and physical abuse and not stick with their DH just because that's what you do. Or just admit they have grown apart, and want to live the rest of their years enjoying life while they still can.

Thanks for the suggestions. Thing about the women's aid thing: I thought about this and I know its a cop out but she strikes me as someone who would never dream of going to anyone for help. She was very scathing recently on the topic of social services (in relation to a conversation about something unrelated). On the other hand the fact she said something to me makes me wonder if its at crisis point...

if you want to get involved then try to see her on her own again and ask her why she told you? does she want help? research some local places for support first so you can share the information with her and tell her she has your support at each step along the way. offer to go to one of the places with her. If you don't want to be involved do the research anyway and try to see her alone again and pass on the information to her and suggest she get help, then back away. but be prepared to ring police if you hear any fighting going on. She has brought it into the open so clearly wants things to change, its a first step. Please don't ignore this it is a cry for help.

She sounds totally run down and resigned to her fate.

After 40 years you would be.

Was it a cry for help to publicly declare - to you, in a shop - she is being physically abused by her husband?

I wouldn't phone SS, I doubt she would be high on their agenda. Also, I wouldn't want to get that involved personally, unless I heard or witnessed it myself. Then I would phone the police (have done that).

Next time she speaks to you, you could let her know she can phone Womens Aid.