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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel angry at being accused of sending an anoynomous letter to my sister in law....

13 replies

sunface · 21/10/2013 15:10

so.. my sister in law and i have never really got along, long story but think she resents me as she was very close to her brother before i came along and i'm not blameless as i found her incredibly difficult to get along with high-maintainance and just different personalities I guess. Anyway 4 kids later i was accused of sending my inlaws an anoynomous letter a few years ago after her and her husband had a breakdown in their marriage (which my partner and i knew the details of). my mother in law confronted me with this at christmas time last year to my utter horror and disgust that they could even think me capable of something like that and also the horrid thought that they had received a letter like that. She didn't tell me what it said, only that it was about my sister in law and said terrible things. Since then apparenlty my sister in law has also had stuff said about her on social media to which they are also blaming me. I just find the whole thing incredulous but am not allowed to say anything in my defence for fear of causing upset and angst!!!! This has been rumbling away since i was told about it, but we all act like nothing has happened and i'm treated like some sort of leper. It's also unfair on my partner who gets the brunt of all of their apparent hatred towards me. Had to get this off my mind somewhere, so i hope you don't mind me posting on here about it. Thanks for listening to my ranting!!

OP posts:

BrianTheMole · 21/10/2013 15:13

Eg? Why can't you say anything? If you didn't do it then you shouldn't put up with that.

BrianTheMole · 21/10/2013 15:13

Eh, not eg

LaurieFairyCake · 21/10/2013 15:13

What you should do is front it and suggest they contact the police so that the malicious person can be found.

I would contact the police myself if I were you.

Either she's sent the letter herself to stir up trouble for you or some horrible person is doing it. Either way you're being accused which is possibly slander.

CoffeeTea103 · 21/10/2013 15:14

What a horrible position to be in op. Off course you shouldn't keep quiet. If anything you should ask them to show you this letter. How can they accuse you of saying something that you don't even know of saying!
What does your DH say about all this. Yanbu.

Original poster

sunface · 21/10/2013 15:20

hadn't thought about the slander angle. Very very tempted to do just that. It's a very odd set up we have in our family as nothing is every really discussed its just glossed over. My sister in law puts up a bit of a front that all is perfect in her world - and i'm not faulting that but clearly it's not perfect if this kind of thing is going on. Apparently the letter was sent over 4 years ago so i doubt the police can do anything now? Maybe with the social media stuff though as i think that was more recent. My mother in law also very sensitive and prone to illness and i just don't want to upset things further and run the risk of our kids not being able to see each other as it is important to me that they see their cousins. It's a tough one to broach. Thinking i would need to approach my sister in law on her own to get to the bottom of it

OP posts:

Original poster

sunface · 21/10/2013 15:22

he's just not really willing to confront it for fear of pushing his remaining family away :-( more horrified like me, that someone would target his sister like that. I just don't understand why they think it's me :-( Apparnelty the letter no longer exists as she threw it out, understandibly i guess

OP posts:

Bunraku · 21/10/2013 15:22

I would ask to see the letter and then contact the police. It sounds like something they have formulated themselves to alienate you.

Bunraku · 21/10/2013 15:23

Ah xpost. "Threw it out" I don't think it ever existed. If I had a letter sent to me in such a nature I would keep it as evidence.

Original poster

sunface · 21/10/2013 15:25

you would think so wouldn't you? more and more i'm thinking maybe it has been fabricated to alienate me as i believe that's what his sister hsa wanted all along....

OP posts:

diddl · 21/10/2013 17:00

So your husband thinks that you should just carry on as normal, with them, even though they think so little of you that they accuse you of something malicious that you haven't done??

Nice!!

eatriskier · 21/10/2013 17:21

I have to agree that this sounds really dodgy. You keep things like that. You don't throw them out, go crying about it and accuse someone randomly. We had something similar happen with a neighbour, first time we ignored it but kept the letter. The second time we went to the police. The third time the police again. The letters to us and to our neighbours encouraging violence against us have stopped.

The police will definitely be able to investigate newer social media stuff. If it comes up again, stand your ground and tell them they had better get the police involved to sort it as otherwise you will be doing them for slander. I know it sounds harsh and you may not even do it, but your relationship with your in laws will never improve especially if your DH is a wet blanket over it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/10/2013 17:26

So you've never said it wasn't you?

And your DH would rather keep the peace then stand up for you ? How lovely of him.

DoJo · 21/10/2013 17:37

Who would really throw out a letter like that, especially if they were going to accuse someone they know of writing it? And why did your mother in law suddenly confront you with it at Christmas? Did it occur to anyone to have it out with you, given that they seem so sure nobody else could have sent it? Would your parents in law pretend to have received a letter to make you feel bad? It all just sounds so bizarre, and I don't understand why your husband would be worried about preserving relationships with people who think so little of his wife.

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