Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you handle moving house?

13 replies

MamaBear17 · 21/10/2013 08:52

We are looking to move. We bought our house just before the market crashed. We will only have about £10000 as a deposit if we manage to sell at the asking price. We have consulted a financial advisor so have a good idea of what we can afford to borrow. The problem is, my husband has a requirement this as long as his arm. From the area (can't be within half a mile of what he perceives to be a 'main road') to the size of the garden (must be huge). We sat looking at houses on rightmove last night and he discounted lots of houses because the garden wasn't big enough, even though the garden looked reasonable to me and would be worth a viewing. My only requirement is more downstairs space. Im prepared to move into a shell that we can't afford to decorate if it is the right house and be patient. However, my husband just doesn't seem to understand that, given our budget, we are going to have compromise. Last night he actually had a strop because he couldn't find a house that met all of his requirements. I tried to suggest writing a list of 'essentials and wants' to think about what we could compromise on and he just started having a go at me. I ended the conversation as there was no point trying to talk to him because he was being an arse. So much in fact, that whilst I was up with a poorly dd, he went and played on his playstation. Anyway, the conversation will come up again today and I want some advice on sensible suggestions I can make that might help us to avoid arguing throughout the whole house buying nightmare. I should also point out that my husband is a good husband. He can just be petulant and childish when things don't go his way. I can be as bad and the way we argue is unhealthy. I want to break the unhealthy argument cycle so if I can present a reasoned argument or helpful suggestions instead of moaning about his arsyness it would hopefully avoid an argument!

OP posts:
BrokenSunglasses · 21/10/2013 09:13

It sounds like he just needs to be more realistic about what is available within your budget.

I'd start with agreeing how long you want to search for. Of you're looking for your forever home and it genuinely needs certain features, then you might need to allow more time than you would if you are looking for a home that just allows you to climb the housing ladder while fulfilling the majority of your needs.

You might need to let him come to the realisation that the perfect house for the perfect price just doesn't exist.

You could send him links to houses on rightmove etc along with a short email explaining why you like them to drip feed the idea to him that he might have to have more reasonable expectations. Also find houses that meet all his requirements to show him that these houses might exist, but they are simply not within your budget.

MamaBear17 · 21/10/2013 09:19

Thanks, I have saved a few houses on nightmare to show him. I think you are right about letting him come to hid own conclusion about what we can afford. I knew it would be stressful but im fed up already!

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/10/2013 09:20

When my DH is acting like this I find it better not to exert my energy on arguments that will go nowhere and call in expert advice.

So I'd be tempted to make an appointment with an estate agent or property finder and let them tell him that his expectations are ridiculous.

Until then i would stop getting involved in the search and disengage from the frustrating conversations. I'd tell my DH to search alone and find 10-20 properties that he really likes and that I'd vet that list into a final 5 to view.

ElleMcFearsome · 21/10/2013 09:22

What is it they say? Location, price, size. Choose two! It's grotty, DH and I were a bit like this - he'd not bought before and was a tad...unrealistic about it all (including the process, I might add!) We found that there was always the perfect house - at about £50-100k over our budget Grin

However, I would agree with Broken. Make a list of essentials, actual real ones. Like a sound roof and number of bedrooms. Then make a list of preferables, decent size garden, type of road, then move on to the 'in an ideal world' list!

Also it is worth looking at things even if they don't fit the criteria - I was pretty set on a biiiiig garden - house we bought has a v small garden but the way life has been stresswise since we moved, that's been a bonus!

Fundamentally, if he won't compromise on anything then he needs to explain how he sees it actually working in reality. If there aren't houses that he feels are suitable in your budget then it's a bit of a non-starter! Ask him what he sees as the plan! Good luck!

fanjobiscuits · 21/10/2013 09:22

Houses on rightmove may well already be gone and prices moved on. I would take him to some estate agents to get on their books and get a dose of reality from their feedback on his expectations.

MamaBear17 · 21/10/2013 09:27

Thanks all. Think I might contact a few estate agents and let them deal with him! Haha!

OP posts:
WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/10/2013 09:31

I blame Phil and Kirstie....with all this crash pad for 35p and an 8 bedroom Devon thatched longhouse by a train station for £1 nonsense. When I sold my last flat I had never had so many p*ss take calls, and my flat was more than reasonably priced - I got 4 valuations and put the lowest price for a quick sale.

"I have a first time buyer, no chain looking for a quick move but she's not prepared to pay a penny over 60,000 less than the asking price." type calls coming in everyday. Well then go and find something 60,000 less in value than my flat and stop watching ridiculously unrealistic property programs. Angry

holidaysarenice · 21/10/2013 09:32

I would ask him to call into a few estate agents and gather brochures, they will soon set him straight. No effort from you.

Also find a house that meets all his requirements. Then show him how many tens of k or hundreds of k away that is! Ask him does he really think you will get that now?

DoJo · 21/10/2013 09:33

To be honest, you expectations naturally change to fit your budget as you keep looking - could you just leave him to it and let him reach his own conclusions as to what you can afford or do you need to move asap?

MamaBear17 · 21/10/2013 09:59

I think part of the problem is that he would like to move to the same village that his parents and sisters live in. It also happens to be the village in which both of the schools we work at are located. He is a primary teacher, in secondary with a management responsibility. I do not want to live in catchment. Not only would I have my in laws as neighbours, Id also have the pupils I teach which would be a nightmare. I would be too far away from my parents too, Id sooner choose an area in the middle. None of the areas suggest meet dh's requirements and I can't help but feel it is because he wants to live in that one village. My inlaws are lovely people, but when we gave them a spare key for our current house 'in case of an emergency', they let themselves in whilst we were out and started mowing the lawn and rearranging my kitchen! I need some space between us!

OP posts:
girlywhirly · 21/10/2013 10:06

If he thinks finding the ideal house is hard, he should try the awful process of actually buying it. I have moved several times, and not one purchase had gone smoothly! Do you really want to put yourself through this?

And who exactly is going to be maintaining this massive garden that he wants? Is he a good gardener, or will most jobs fall to you? Big gardens can be a lot of hard work.

MamaBear17 · 21/10/2013 10:22

He will maintain it. For a while, then he will get bored. He is the same with our current garden. I want a reasonably size garden that has some grass so that the kids can play. He wants somewhere he can landscape. Im up for a compromise, so im not really the issue. He is arguing with himself. He discounted a house with a big garden yesterday because there was a trainline behind the house. Fine, but then discounted loads of other houses because the gardens weren't as big as the first one!

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/10/2013 10:33

See, I live behind a train line but its quiet. The trains aren't regular and they're electric. You can't automatically discount things like this, you have to go and look at the houses.

Stuff on Rightmove will be out of date, go around the estate agents. Making a list is a good idea. Put what is priority at the top and work your way down. Work out a budget and stick to it.

You can't automatically discount areas either. We looked round a lot of roads to get an idea of what places were like and we've ended up in a quiet road with lovely neighbours. But you wouldn't necessarily think the area was great by looking at it. Things are deceptive.

Your DH would be one of those people that would drive me mad on Location Location.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread