To be pissed off at my choice being slagged off?

[CeliaFate]

Ds is in year 6 and secondary school applications are being made. We're friendly with a few families who are sending their dc to one local school, we've chosen another.

The school they've chosen is in special measures, but they chose it as their elder dc attend and it's nearer.
The school we've chosen has great results and and excellent inspection reports.
Each to their own, fine. Nothing to do with me.
But they've started with the "Our school is much better than yours because it's got xyz." "Our school is much more friendly than yours." "Our school has brilliant extra-curricular activities, yours doesn't."

I want to shout "YES but OUR school is much better because it isn't in special measures and more kids pass their exams!"
AIBU to be pissed off? If I retort, I think mob rule would mean they'll just shout me down.

Why do you even engage with them?

God how annoying

I'd do drop off & pick up as quickly as possible so I didn't have to get into these conversations

This is why it pays to be aloof and have no school mum friends

It's rude.

I am very careful not to slate local schools I've looked at, but not liked, in case the DC of the person I'm talking to ends up there.

But if they have already said how much better they think their choice is...the gloves are off...feel free to shout about how much better your choice is.

Or just stand about on your iPhone & mumsnet so no one engages with you that's what I do

This says more about them than it does about you. Smile and ignore.

We're friendly with them as they're a good laugh, mostly and we have the dc in common. But it seems as though by picking the other school, we're suspected of being "too good" for them I think?
I can't think of a way of retorting that doesn't belittle their choice, even though they're happy to belittle mine iyswim?

You don't need a retort - Denim upthread nailed it - a non committal "How lovely", smile and change the subject is all that's necessary. You'll be the one having the last laugh in a few years anyway, so you can afford to take the moral highground now.

So difficult deep breath required! I have experienced similar comments and there really is nothing you can do but try to avoid those types of conversations and say as little as possible if people persist in bringing the topic up.

I'd be so annoyed I think I'd say "We are so pleased with our choice's OFSTED report and excellent results that we decided that it was worth the extra effort to get there."

If you are scared of mob mentality and being shouted down then I think you should accept that they are just idiots that you will soon be dropping in favour of superior people from the superior school.

I'd just say you felt it was better for your child. Perhaps it has a specialism in a subject your ds is good at, or whatever. You don't need to make it about results or anything. They are obv feeling a bit defensive.

You're right. I will channel the Queen and smile serenely while thinking, "Nob orf!"

Look they are obviously feeling defensive - they KNOW your school is better. Sure you could demolish their arguments very easily but just smile and nod. Think of it as taking pity on them.

yanbu- drives me mad.

in my town, there are 2 upper schools- both practically identical on opposite sides of town. 1 gets marginally better results for equally marginal reasons to do with catchment. they are equal in terms of facilities (both built at the same time). the head teachers each year issue a joint statement about exam results etc. The nonsense discussions that go on about how one is significantly better than the other you would not believe.

smile and nod definitely the way to go

When you say you've "chosen" the schools... How likely is it that you will all actually be allocated your preferred school? It'd be a bit of a turn up if you got the special measures one and they got the one you wanted.

We haven't applied for the one in special measures, just the one we want and one other.

I sent dd to the school which was our catchment one and the amount of slagging from my step siblings and various other people. I found it tough being criticised, however dd is excelling and that is all that matters.

It's confusing though, isn't it? I don't care where they send their dc, so why the need to slag off the other school? I think previous posters have hit the nail on the head - they're defensive about their choice.

I had this! I perfected my reply in discussions to:

"We're so lucky to live in an area where there are a few good schools to choose from and you can allow yourself to go with your gut on which school is best for your childs' personality. "

Or...

" I'm really glad you are content with your choice, it will make it much easier when they start to know they are somewhere you are happy with. "

Good luck, I hear it gets worse with secondary!

I think they are feeling defensive about their choice.

I think the best reply would be 'I am so glad you have found a school you are happy with, we are delighted with our choice as well'

Just keep repeating it rather than engaging with them on the matter.

I agree with don't even bother to engage with them. They've chosen their school and you've chosen yours. 'Can we talk about something else' might be something to keep ready when it really gets you down. They sound more than a bit annoying.

This happened to me with my oldest DS. We chose an out of catchment school, and everyone else chose the catchment (despite quite a few of them slagging it off at the open evening!) I was looked at like I wasn't good enough for them.

I told them it was DS's choice, he fell in love with the school and was adamant he wanted to go, even though none of his friends were going there. All true, although obviously I was happy with his choice.

So tell them you have chosen the right school for your child, they have chosen the right school for their child.