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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel utterly blessed that Ive fallen in love with someone local?

59 replies

MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 10:24

My friend is in, and has been for years, a relationship with a man from Nigeria. He was in the UK for years, studying, educated to a very high level, however he has since been deported.

They speak every single day, and are almost fruitlessly trying to arrange to see each other again. His origin makes it nigh on impossible to meet anywhere in the world.

He has earning capacity of around 60k in this country, yet could only get over here (optimistically) on a Fiance Visa. Part of that means that DF has to earn a set amount every single year for a minimum number of years. Irrespective of how much money he brings in.

So, as we are all doing, settling down and having babies and taking time off, all of this will not be an option for her. She is incredibly down about the whole situation. She was once bubbly and vivacious and now is almost a recluse.

I took for granted that my DH was born round the corner!

Does anyone have any experience of the above? Is there any advice I can give? She and he have already read round and roubd the topic but I would love to be able.to help in some way.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/10/2013 10:30

Why was he deported? Is there any chance she could/would go to Nigeria?

noblegiraffe · 19/10/2013 10:30

What if she married him?

CailinDana · 19/10/2013 10:31

Oh and yanbu. I've known a couple of people in long distance relationships and even without your friend's complications it's hard.

TEErickOrTEEreat · 19/10/2013 10:33

I started here in a fiancé visa. Income had nothing to do with getting my first LTR and then my ILTR.

I think there is more to this story.

Doubtfuldaphne · 19/10/2013 10:34

I had a boyfriend for a long time from Ghana and he was sent back. It was awful. Sadly after a year I just couldn't do it anymore. He phoned my mum years later out of blue to say he was still thinking about me! Can she go there? Get married? True love will conquer all!

AgentProvocateur · 19/10/2013 10:36

Tee, the rules changed recently and the person here now has to earn a minimum amount.

TEErickOrTEEreat · 19/10/2013 10:38

Huh. Well that's a bummer!

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 10:38

He was deported as he had come to the end of his education. They would marry in a heartbeat but him.being her husband wouldnt necessarily grant him residency - it would be solely determined on her income. We live in the North, in an area of low.income and high unemployment. She is currently working in a low paid job but tirelessly applying for a higher paid job - she herself is also well educated. He must also have X amount in savings before he came stay.

He may be granted a visit visa if he has a good enough job back home as immigration will know he wants to return due to the great job.

In his current situation, I understand there is only.one country in the world that he can get a visa for. Their best hope for the very near future is to meet in that country for a holiday.

Long term, so so many factors make up whether or not he can ever visit.

She may well be able.to.visit him, and it is something she is considering, however she would be a lone, white, female visiting a country with a chequered past and a tempestuous present. She will go over there. But she is scared to. And she will.not.move there, as she doesnt want to raise a family there.

OP posts:
PloptheBarnOwl · 19/10/2013 10:43

Can he get a visa for Ireland? Seem to remember the process there is slightly easier.

eggyweggies · 19/10/2013 10:44

Could he work in a different European country? In the EU so she could go too?

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 10:46

Thats what I suggested - move to a different European country and live together. It appears that him being Nigerian is making the rules of living in any other country almost impossibly tight. I didnt know that specifically about Ireland - As in republic.of, rather than NOrthern?

OP posts:
Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 10:49

Just checked, can only get a Transit Visa for ROI

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/10/2013 11:03

Acually Ireland is a very good idea. Immigration laws are surprisingly flexible and they have taken personal circumstances into account in the past, particularly for well educated people who are looking to build a career. If he's a doctor he should have no trouble. It's worth a look.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 11:06

He is an engineer.

OP posts:
Jinsei · 19/10/2013 11:07

But was he actually deported or did he just leave when his visa expired? Confused People don't usually get deported for completing their education!

I agree that the new rules about income completely suck, but there maybe some other way. If he has high earning potential, presumably he has skills that are in high demand. What does he do? Is it feasible that he could find a job and get his company to sponsor him?

Jinsei · 19/10/2013 11:08

X post. Is his branch of engineering one in which there is a shortage in the UK?

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 11:14

His visa was reliant on him being in education. Staying here not in education would have been illegal.

OP posts:
eggyweggies · 19/10/2013 11:17

So not actually deported, then- just had to leave.

What about a different African country? South Africa or Botswana? Booming economies.

Mumsyblouse · 19/10/2013 11:25

If I were them, I would just get married and find solutions, I've been in a similar situation in that the person I married did not have a right to entry to the UK at the time- but laws change, the minimum sponsorship money thing is up for legal review, and so on. I would get some legal advice- possibly post in legal on ways around this. There are options around him -getting a job in the UK, her getting a better job, them living in another EU country (or her going and then supporting him there), living in a country they do deem safe and so on. But I would get good legal advice on this, not try and work it out from the HOme Office websites, as what we were told was the case turned out not to be and no-one was interested in deporting us whatsoever.

Jinsei · 19/10/2013 11:30

His visa was reliant on him being in education. Staying here not in education would have been illegal.

Yes, I understand that but did he just leave, or was he actually deported for overstaying illegally?

RevelsRoulette · 19/10/2013 11:30

Yes, they could marry and live together in a number of countries, there are about 15 countries in the west african economic region I think. Now, I don't know much about west africa, but is it similar to east africa where you can travel and work throughout?. ( In theory, apparently some countries are difficult to deal with.) it's an option worth investigating. Doesn't have to be here.

I know what a faff it all is. My husband is Kenyan and we've been married 15 years and jumped through some right hoops. If it had come to it, we'd have upped sticks and moved wherever we had to. Is she open to moving to another country?

tbh, we're going to head over to kenya to live in a few years. As this country is going downhill, there is real potential over there.

uselessinformation · 19/10/2013 11:38

If she wants to be with him that much then she would go and live in Nigeria or another African country that would accept them.

Tikkamasala · 19/10/2013 11:50

Something about this is a bit odd if she is only "considering" visiting him in Nigeria... Surely if he can't get a visa here she would be visiting him there as much as she can until they can sort it?

RevelsRoulette · 19/10/2013 12:00

I think in a lot of cases it is fear. Someone is more afraid of leaving the country they know than of living without the person they love.

Original poster
MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 12:11

She is scared of going to a country whose own residents are prevented from.travelling abroad. She is scared of moving to a country that she feels will.be opressive and restrictive towards her and any children they bore.

OP posts: