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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's okay to mention an ex in a story?

36 replies

MrsKoala · 19/10/2013 09:20

DH and i just got back for a nice dinner with a couple we know. We live abroad atm but are moving home tomorrow - so a bit of a farewell. The couple were asking about places we'd been etc, and we were all exchanging funny stories about travelling. 2 of my anecdotes involved exes (both stories = different exes - so not going on about the same one ifyswim). The stories were not about the exes, just they played a part (ie - 'ex had taken the key for the night and i had no way home' etc). Then the male of the couple said angrily to me 'you talk about your exes a lot you know!' Everyone stopped for a moment and then i just laughed. But i felt really uncomfortable and he was obviously quite cross with me. Dh doesn't give a shit and often says 'tell x story' which involves an ex. I have only been with DH for 4 years so have lots of stories which happened before him. DH doesn't give a crap btw. I just felt really 'told off' if that makes sense and i have had faces before when i mention an ex in front of dh (dh is my second H too and we think it's weird to pretend otherwise).

Do you mention stories with your exes in? or aibu?

OP posts:

Remotecontrolduck · 19/10/2013 09:24

YANBU, that is odd!

MrsBungle · 19/10/2013 09:25

That guy sounds very insecure! Before my dh, I lived with two different guys. I wouldn't be able to talk about 10 years of my life if I never ever dared to speak their name! Same with dh. I really couldn't be arsed with that attitude!

roofio87 · 19/10/2013 09:25

not unreasonable at all. especially as you weren't really talking about the ex. different people have very different views on these things. I was showing friends pics of my new baby yesterday, they asked who was holding him in one pic and I said 'oh thats x, shes dp's ex girlfriend.' they were horrified that she'd been over and cuddled my baby but they're still friends and I really like her so to me its normal!!

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 19/10/2013 09:26

Most adults can handle the knowledge that there was life before them.

Your teller-off sounds rather silly. Especially as your own DH is clearly a grown up who can enjoy a funny story and not an immature berk so lacking in self esteem and basic social awareness that he feels the need to make an irrelevant and crass remark.

It says so much more about his state of mind.

Don't give him a second thought and best of luck with the move.

ZillionChocolate · 19/10/2013 09:28

I'd be happy to mention my exes if relevant, I wouldn't bring up someone else's in front of their current partner unless I was very confident they were ok. (Did end up chatting to wife2 the other night about husband's 1st wedding, but she'd brought it up first).

Shenanagins · 19/10/2013 09:29

What a strange reaction as its not as though he's your dp. Very weird.

I was with my ex for 10 years, it would be difficult to ignore a large chunk of my life.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 19/10/2013 09:33

Well, there's a bloke with deep seated insecurities!!

Spaulding · 19/10/2013 09:33

YANBU. Sounds like the male of this couple has issues and doesn't like hearing about exes. No idea why YOUR exes would bother him though! Odd! I've been with DP almost 5 years and sometimes it's just natural that an ex comes up in conversation when talking about something that happened before you met your current DP. You can't just pretend you did nothing in life before meeting your DP and it would be just as odd to intentionally leave an ex out of the story.

SarahBumBarer · 19/10/2013 09:34

You were really restrained. I would have told him to stop being a rude ejit, YANBU.

eatriskier · 19/10/2013 09:34

Oh please, the only decent thing about going through my past relationships are the anecdotes of funny things that happened, especially if they're the idiots in the tale. YANBU at all.

Original poster

MrsKoala · 19/10/2013 09:34

Thanks all - it just seemed so odd. As far as i was aware my exes were quite irrelevant in the stories, but just me saying them seemed to bother him - like altho we all knew an ex would be there, we should pretend for some reason. And it just took me off guard. And as i said i have had it before (mainly by my sister who refuses to say my exH's name )

OP posts:

ConfusedPixie · 19/10/2013 09:36

YANBU. A lot of my 'interesting' stories involve my ex, DP isn't too fussed, we do a lot of interesting things together too, but when talking about house mates and working in weird places they are the stories I jump to!

mikkii · 19/10/2013 09:37

DH's family used to be really funny about this, even though DH was fine.

If you two are happy, let the rest deal with it.

middleeasternpromise · 19/10/2013 09:37

So by his rule if you have kids with an ex you need to stick them in the cupboard when socialising with others less you talk about 'the ex'! Wouldnt want to be living with him ....

DontMentionThePrunes · 19/10/2013 09:41

DH's family would never, ever mention an ex of either of their sons. BIL has had quite a few and the vibe is very much 'she is dead to me'. I would not be bothered (it is just a fact that there are other people involved in everyone's lives) but it really makes them uncomfortable for some reason.

MadAsFish · 19/10/2013 09:44

He's a jealous knob.
I tell (usually unflattering) stories about husband 1 somtimes, and my husband doesn't give a stuff. He knows there is zero chance of me feeling nostalgic (when something is finished for me it is done).

Original poster

MrsKoala · 19/10/2013 09:48

Maybe my partners are just so used to it - Everyone in my family/friends called my exH my exBfs name for the whole ten years we were together (i had been with exBF 4yrs previous) . Then when i divorced exH everyone called DH exH's name. It was like they suddenly forgot poor exBF existed.

OP posts:

pianodoodle · 19/10/2013 09:48

He sounds daft and quite immature. Whatever the problem was it was definitely his problem not yours!

My in-laws started dropping questions about my best friend (who I used to go out with but we have been friends for years) who popped in one day while they were there to help fix something for us.

Even weeks later "how do you know so-and-so?", "does he come round a lot?"

When I said we used to go out MIL said "Oh...and it didn't work out then?"

Er...well considering I married her son and not the friend I'd say it was a pretty safe assumption! I did feel like saying "oh yes it did work out they stay alternate nights"

BeCool · 19/10/2013 09:49

Wow! What a dick. Do you think he was jealous!

Original poster

MrsKoala · 19/10/2013 09:53

NOOO Piano, you should say 'acctuuaaallyyyy it did work out and he stays with US every night!'

OP posts:

Finola1step · 19/10/2013 09:56

YANBU. He's reaction says much more about him than it does you. Ignore it. Good luck with the move.

Original poster

MrsKoala · 19/10/2013 09:57

I think he is a dick BeCool. Lady of the couple told me quite normally that when their babies were 18mo and 6mo she'd had her gall bladder out and had a tube with a bag of urine out of her for a while and was tired and he'd been a 'normal man and had had a go at her constantly for not wanting sex'. Ummmmmm. not normal. and not nice.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsKoala · 19/10/2013 09:58

Sorry, no idea where my commas went

OP posts:

neunundneunzigluftballons · 19/10/2013 10:00

We were out recently with a lady and her husband. She spoke a number of times across the evening about her first husband who had sadly passed away very young. I wonder would that have been acceptable.

Mojavewonderer · 19/10/2013 10:21

I am the same as you op as I have had 31 years of life before I met my husband and in that I time I lived with 3 men and been married before, I have had 3 children and have lived all over, twice in a foreign country so when I tell stories they usually involve an ex. When I tell stories about my children they usually involve my ex husband which is completely normal. I certainly don't sit there reminiscing how wonderful our life was (because it wasn't otherwise they wouldn't be an ex) they are just part of a story.
It's very odd how someone who isn't even in a relationship with you would say such a thing. It's got absolutely nothing to do with him either and he should have kept his trap shut!

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