about sleep (baby and dp related)

[misspontypine]

..Ds is 10 months old. He is generally a good sleeper, he sleeps 6.30-6.30 with usually 2-3 quick wake ups. Dp an I have an arrangement where I do the evening/night time wake ups and dp looks after ds on weekend mornings so that I can have a lie in.

This arrangement was very much in dp's favour the first 6 months as ds woke much more often in the night, now ds wakes less regularly but I am still struggling with having my sleep broken and I really look forward to my weekend lie ins ( I sleep to around 9/9.30 I don't lie in bed all morning)

Dp can't really help with night wake ups because ds just wants to breastfeed and have mummy cuddles.

Last night dp said he was exhausted and really needed to catch up on some sleep and would it be ok if I got up with ds? I said yes ofcourse, we have a really busy day with guests arriving at 10 but I'd wake him just before 10.

I went to bed at 11, dp said he'd do a couple of jobs ( fold the laundry, empty the dishwasher) but he'd come to bed soon. I woke up when dp came to bed and asked him what the time was, he said it was 4.30 and he had accidentally stayed up watching films I have no idea how you can accidentally stay up to 4.30 ( there was no alcohol involved.)

I feel angry that dp was so tired he couldn't get up with ds but he had enough energy to stay up watching films. Ds had a particularly disturbed night ( as he has all week) as he has 3 teeth about to come through. My tiredness may be making me unreasonable.

The thing that really made me furious was that when ds woke up I put him between me and dp, ds was chatting and rolling about a bit, I was dozing. Dp told me to take ds away as ds was disturbing him.

YANBU. He's being inconsiderate. But don't stew about it. Tell him exactly how you feel. He may be oblivious to his own idiocy - my husband sometimes is!

YANBU sounds like our house exactly! And will he continue to moan today about how tired he is and let people presume it's because of DS?

Totally not on. I would wake him up and kick his ass out of bed!

If it was a one off night then don't stew about it too much- having a small child is hard on the pair of you and he probably needed to just have a night of change. It isn't great- but as Lon as it's not every weekend then perhaps cut him some slack on this one. Just let him know that you have a whole night off now in the favour bank!

YANBU! If you talk about it I can't see how he can fail to see he's being unfair.

At 10 months can you look again at sharing night waking? It's unlikely that that he needs to feed 2 or 3 times a night, so your dp should be able to help more, and sharing the experience might make him see what an idiot he's being.

Sounds exactly like my husband. Tell him how pissed off and tired you are, tell him how my times on average you wake in the night. Tonight, make him wake with you so he can see how tiring it actually is. This is my method when mine's been a dick!

"Last night dp said he was exhausted and really needed to catch up on some sleep and would it be ok if I got up with ds?"
But he wasn't exhausted, was he? He stayed up to 4.30am watching films. Exhausted people do not do that. I would be very pissed off in your shoes.

I'd be inclined to query his 'exhaustion'. What is the cause of it? And if it is self-inflicted (e.g. through staying up to 4.30am watching films), then it is his choice and he does not get to pass the impact of his choice onto you, by depriving you of your much-needed sleep catch-up.

So no, YANBU.

We have had this exact situation. I just told him it wasn't on and that as I was still doing night feeds he needed to support me and how on earth could he claim to be so tired that he can't help me and then stay up half the night.

YANBU. You're now feeling shattered because you haven't had a lie-in because DP was exhausted, yet so exhausted he could stay up until 4.30am! If he wants to stay up until the early hours then that's his decision, but you shouldn't have to forfeit your arranged lie-in so he can do so.

My DP have an arrangement where he has a lie-in on one of his days off and I have a lie-in on the other. He will often stay up watching TV or playing Xbox until the small hours, but he still gets up when it's his day to, and it's his own damn fault when he moans about being tired!

Ooh, sounds like our house too, OP - sympathy post! I've been silently well, sometimes very obviously fuming about this for a while and I think The Rage will emerge soon enough...

Have 5mo DD who is up twice a night for feeds, usually an hour each time. Then up for the day at 6am.

Unfortunately, I'm doing all night feeds (still BF) and all morning wake ups. Meanwhile DH slumbers on, regularly every night, the bastard getting between 2 and 5 additional hours of sleep than I do.

The reason I've allowed this to happen is not because I'm a passive aggressive walkover idiot, but because he is not only working full time but studying for professional exams out with his job, so doing that in evenings and weekends. And I feel like he could prob use the sleep, bless 'im. He is doing it all for us, after all.

But I'm SO TIRED now that I get all stabby when I see him asleep.

WAsooooNBU.

YANBU. I would have left him with baby and gone downstairs for some peace. Being tired through work or whatever is one thing, but if you choose to stay up until 4.30am watching films, then you deal with the consequences, not dump them on other people.

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable. I don't want to be a nagging partner but I feel like what he really needed to say was "would it be ok if I stayed up and watched some films as I feel I need a bit of me time" if he had said that I would have explained that it was a bad week in terms of sleep and could we do it next weekend if tge teething had settled down.

My dp had to have a little nap in tge delivery ward and said "you don't understand how tired I am I have been awake for 36 hours" ( I had been awake for 3 days and only managing 3-4 hours sleep a night for tge last month of pregnancy so I wasn't sympathetic)