to resign from my job?

[unhappyworker76]

I've always been very career orientated but since having dc (aged 2) I returned to work three days a week. I have a professional job and I get given projects and last minute requests that require significant overtime.

I've raised the stress and overtime with my manager but she's not really bothered, the impression she gives is that she thinks I should be able to fit the workload in my working hours (ie I'm inefficient). If I query deadlines I get a given a dismissive attitude, again like I'm failing. My manager has a track record of poor people management but she's very highly rated by her bosses- for getting work done and being a workaholic.

The whole situation is really getting me down, I get no pay of time off in lieu of my overtime (when I asked this before I was told no) and I don't see HR as an option as manager is so highly rated. I'm permanently stressed and suffering sleepless nights. Dh wants me to stay on a few more months as we're hoping for another dc (ie maternity leave and then return to a new manager, hoping she'll have moved on within a couple of years).

I feel the stress is not worth it, nothing is worth getting ill over and I should resign, we could just about manage financially. Aibu to resign? Thanks in advance!

Why not find another job? Move department? Are these options? Children are expensive!!!

Probably in your situation I would - if you can manage financially. It's amazing what you can live on and the stress levels will certainly reduce. It sounds very stressful for you.

I left my permanent job after having DD as it just wasn't working for many of the same reasons. We've had to be very frugal but we've managed and I've loved spending quality time with the kids - I'll never get that back again and totally appreciate it.

Any chance you could go freelance/self employed?

Been in your shoes.

If you can hack it, start working normal hours (yes, yes I know... Impossible. Projects will fail, sky will fall down, buildings will crumble. But really, work your hours)

Get PG as soon as you can, if you do return after next DC hopefully she'll have moved on or you can then resign.

Or start looking for new job. Look at rules on maternity allowance v carefully.

Hang on in there but get a plan in place to get out ASAP

I have been in a similar position and I am now very good at saying no. I am extremely efficient at work - more than my peers and more than I was before DC -and I have never missed a deadline. My boss is an absolute workaholic but that is his choice. I still work a lot of free overtime but I get home in time for bedtime most nights, I figure that I can't be disciplined for not doing even more free overtime so I don't, I still feel a bit guilty Bout it though but I love my job, we need the money.

What would be the point of resigning and forfeiting maternity pay without making any real move to address the situation?

Try working your contracted hours only. Email your concerns to your manager and ensure each mail has a read receipt. Ask for responses in writing. Document everything. Raise a formal grievance. Then get pregnant and look for another job.

Get to your contracted hours and go home. If you get grief, point out that you work x hours a week and that's that, and you are happy to shift priorities but you can't do more than x hours work so they need to work around that.

Definitely work to your hours and be extremely strict about it. Unfortunately, working p/t in a professional role, some managers are happy to pay you less but not so keen on cutting the workload! I have been where you are and it took me a while to realise that the only loser was myself (and my lovely girls and DH who had a wreck for a mum and wife for those awful months). I've gotten very good at assessing every request for impact on my current workload. A simple 'sure, and which in-flight projects should I drop to accommodate this new one?' is my default response. Do it often enough, and she will soon catch on, no exceptions. Keep accommodating and she has no incentive to change her behaviour. I'm afraid you're going to have to become a lot more assertive,she probably won't change, but you need to.

I agree that you must take control yourself, for however long you remain there. Stock up on responses to inevitable conversations.
"How does that fit with my other projects?"
"Which task is top priority now?"
Jo Owen has good tips on how to manage your manager and deal with ineffective or bullying managers.

www.amazon.co.uk/Jo-Owen/e/B001IXSE4M

If you are prepared to resign to get away from this situation, then go to HR and be damned so to speak. If you are ready to leave anyway, give HR the chance to sort things out. Just maybe they are desperate for something, anything to "pin on" your manager, having known exactly what she is like all along, but with nothing concrete to actually act on to deal with her (iyswim)
The fact that you are prepared to leave anyway would seem to me that you have gone "past caring" about what the outcome might be, so go to HR, with well prepared points, detailing your concerns and what would you would like to happen, and give them a chance to deal. You never know, they might sort it all out and you can stay put but be happy there, rather than being so stressed by this manager woman, and if not, well then think about resigning. It won't hurt to wait and see what, if anything, HR can do.
You can always be looking for something else while their processes are ongoing.

I would stick it out til you can take mat leave for baby 2. Surely if you have it in your mind that you'll leave after that, you won't get so stressed by it?

I once gave up a job I hated only to become pg very quickly afterwards, and how I missed the money and wished I'd hung on in there!

Stick it out and pop that folic acid is my advice!

I will add - I used to work three days and felt the pressure to do more. Some of it came from me. I ended up doing 4 days for a number of reasons including that it was difficult to stick to three. I'm much stricter about doing 4 days now and will go back to three when the kids are at school.

Would it be easier, perversely, if you did 4 days?

Thanks all. I don't really want to move to four days as I wanted more time with dc and I suspect they'd give me five days work then!

I think I will go to work tomorrow, see how my manager is towards me and if she keeps piling on the pressure this week I'll probably have to take some time off for stress - I don't want to do that, but my health is really suffering :-(

Be more assertive and talk to your manager about this, you should also be honest about your workload as you take on projects and be realistic with your deadlines.

Working in HR (currently on mat leave) I often hear about people that are unhappy with their boss's and are afraid to 'formally' log and discuss with HR and end up leaving. Having concrete information means action can be taken and support given to both parties. The worst culprits are te 'top' managers as everyone is too scared to speak up and they think they won't be taken seriously. I wouldn't be surprised if your HR team have had informal reports about this manager. Employment law exists for a reason, you won't get into trouble for being honest.

Do all you can to make it 'workable' for you and if there's no changes then leave with no regrets.

If you need time off for stress then do it.
If you're up to it, try a work to rule approach from now.
Work your hours, flag up any issues with unrealistic deadlines etc etc.
Are you being treated like your colleagues, or ifs extra work being given to you because you accept it?

I would say you need to deal with this before you become pregnant - my most recent pg I was stressed beyond belief by work and family and it ruined my enjoyment. Of what should have been a very happy time.