AIBU to have not taken my son to his friends party...?

[BogeyNights]

DS is 8. His friend (lets call him Ben) invited him to a birthday party which was about 25 mins drive away. I accepted the invite a few weeks before.

When it came to the weekend of the party DS said he didn't want to go. When I asked DS why not, he said that Ben had been using the immortal put down "you're not invited to my party anymore" several times during the week leading up to the party. DS said he didn't want to go if friend was going to keep saying that to him.

Therefore I contacted the mum and said DS wouldn't be coming after all and apologised for the late notice. Said I would talk to her at school. Saw her today for the first time this week and because she's not one to mince her words, I didn't bullshit. I asked if Ben had enjoyed his party and apologised again for DS not coming. When she asked why he hadn't come, I just said what DS had told me and said DS was adamant he didn't want to come to the party. I then said that this was between the boys and not between us, to which she responded "well just I told Ben that your DS just couldn't be bothered to come." The proceeded to create an uncomfortable silence.

Sometimes I wish I did lie more. AIBU or is she.

I don't think you were unreasonable because your DS didn't want to go for a valid reason. She told her son he couldn't be bothered because that's what she deduced on the day of the party....her fault. If she's an ounce of sense she will tell her DS WHY your DS never came and it will teach him a lesson.

You were honest, she was honest. Not sure what answer you are looking for tbh.

Thank you, Jitney

I think this may be reason her son is like tgat

YANBU. But I'm sure you know that childhood friendships are littered with 'you're not coming to my party' lines. It's a shame your DS didn't feel he wanted to go, but understandable.
Parents on the other hand, should be a little different! She is being an arse. If she'd kindly shrugged it off, then I could understand (kids being kids), but her reply was playground itself. Likely she'll say nothing to your son, but what can you do?
I would leave it at that. I'll bet the children will sort it out and she sounds like someone you'll not be socialising with anyway. Don't let her irk you and carry on like normal. You be an adult, even if she can't.

...say nothing to HER son. Goddam touchscreen.

To be fair to the other mum though I can understand her being pissed off at someone pulling out at the last minute.

I typed out a long answer and then changed my mind.

It all depends on why Ben told your son he was no longer invited to the party.

Is Ben the sort to use threats about the party to make his friends do as he wants them to do and get his own way? In which case it will do him good to realise that people won't want to spend time with him if he behaves like that.

Or could your son have been doing something to Ben that made him not want your son to go? In which case your son will have learnt that people don't like it and he will miss out on things.

You were being unreasonable to not tell Ben's mum what was going on at the time. I think you should have been straight with her about what Ben said, so you could both try and get to the bottom of it.

She was being unreasonable to say your son couldn't be bothered to go without knowing the full story, but I do think you should have been straight with her at the time.

Well, if you didn't give her a reason for your DS not going to Ben's party, she had to make something up... she might have said 'I don't know' 50 million times then snapped and said 'He can't be bothered'. Who knows?!

I think you didn't want to take DS (as it was 25mins away) so jumped at the chance not to. I may or may not have done that - depending on the day but what we you should have done was talk to your son, explain that people say things they don't really mean when they are cross etc & try and work out what was going on etc or simply have told him not to be so silly & to get in the car. Kids fall in & out all the time - it's our job to help them manage their emotions around that.

If you were prepared to leave it between the boys why are you worrying about it. Its small fry. BF fall in and out of friendships all the time.
You know that. You could have averted it perhaps if you'd have spoken to her earlier but you know kids can be kids. That his mum got the hump is understandable and she was probably mortified or embarrassed.
She probably gave him a right talking to when she got home.

Scarer has summed it up perfectly.

Either way, the boys have learnt a small life lesson, so I'd just put it behind you and move on.