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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable?

17 replies

Bellini81 · 18/10/2013 15:01

Ok, there is a regular playdate thing going on over the past 6 weeks on a Friday.
The 2 parents involved take turns to take the 2 children home for tea and a play every alternate Friday.

This has helped the 2 children settle in this term into a new year after many changes in the last 2 years and they are quite firm friends and both enjoy the playdates and look forward to them. Teachers are aware this is a regular thing (as do the other parents in the class).

This week child A announced to child B that they couldn't come over on Friday as they had been invited to another child in the class house and left child B a bit upset but they will totally shrug it off soon enough.

So, as the 3rd childs mother knew this was a regular playdate between the other 2 children, is she out of order? or is child A's mother out of order for not letting the other mum know this regular thing is over for the moment and breaking her week to have the other child.. I won't say which one I am yet as I would like to get a perspective from other parents...

OP posts:
TantrumsAndBalloons · 18/10/2013 15:04

I dont think anyone is wrong tbh.
Its just a playdate, if you cant make it one week its not the end of the world.
Maybe the third childs mother cannot do any other day but the 2 children wanted to play together after school?

Chocotrekkie · 18/10/2013 15:04

Does 3rd mum C work or does child C do other clubs etc.

Fridays are the only day i can have other kids over.

Abra1d · 18/10/2013 15:04

It sounds a bit restrictive if they can only play with each other on Fridays. Suppose that's the only day other families can do post-school plays?

Flicktheswitch · 18/10/2013 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrokenSunglasses · 18/10/2013 15:09

3rd child's mum is definitely not out of order, but I do wonder how you know for certain that she is fully aware of the exact nature if the arrangement.

Child As mother should have let child Bs mother know that the arrangement wouldn't be happening this week, but she's not out of order for accepting the invitation on behalf of her child.

flowerpotgirl12 · 18/10/2013 15:10

It's a playdate and a bit unfair to not allow either parent/child to not attend one week. They'll want to get to know other kid etc. and seems a bit restrictive to assume that this arrangement will carry on forever.

TiaMariaandSpringCleaning · 18/10/2013 15:13

I don't think anyone's unreasonable - it's inevitable that other things will mean that the Friday arrangement has to change from time to time, this is just one of those occasions.

curlew · 18/10/2013 15:13

You're child B's mum, aren't you, OP?
Grin

Original poster
Bellini81 · 18/10/2013 15:16

Haha yes I am child B's mum. My son has been a bit sad this week as he was due over the his mates house today and the other 2 boys have been really rubbing his face in that they are having a playdate but I just said he will have to wait to next week so he will have to get over it, we all work so Fridays are best for everyone..

Thank you for your replies

OP posts:
PedlarsSpanner · 18/10/2013 15:21

also, how about managing expectations of future arrangements? To avoid upsets like this, I mean

Parenting, it's HARD innit

curlew · 18/10/2013 16:38

I would just have invited someone else over for your ds.

DIYapprentice · 18/10/2013 16:48

It is a really, really bad idea to have your child befriend one other child only. You need to encourage a wider range of friendships, and encourage more playdates. Why didn't you take the opportunity of inviting someone else over to your house?

NicknameIncomplete · 18/10/2013 18:04

I think u are unreasonable to expect this arrangement to go on forever. Childrens friendships change ALL the time. Children shouldnt be forced to play with other children if they dont want to.

Child As mum should have let u know what was happening. If my child had said A is going to Cs house i would haw jus shrugged and said 'oh well lets do this on friday instead'. It isnt a big deal.

NicknameIncomplete · 18/10/2013 18:05

Haw = have

SaucyJack · 18/10/2013 18:08

3rd child's mother definitely not out of order.

Child B does not has exclusive visitation rights over Child A.

Pancakeflipper · 18/10/2013 18:10

I think you may find this Friday date will gradually end due to various reasons e.g the children widening friendship groups, after school activities limiting what evenings 'playdates' can happen.

Perhaps it's time you also started breaking the tradition and having others for tea on any day you like.

It's certainly not the third mother being unreasonable. Unless she's going up to you in playground going "nah,nah, na, na, nahhhhhh" to you.

WhoNickedMyName · 18/10/2013 18:34

Anyone can invite whoever they like, and anyone can accept or turn down an invite when they like.

Sounds like one mum sees the Fridays as a regular commitment whereas the other sees it as what it is - a kids play date as and when it's convenient.

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