Difficulty with MIL.

[ChristmasPixie123]

MIL has always been difficult but this has recently got a lot worse to the point DH is snapping and shouting at me because he is under a lot of pressure to help her and his Gran. MIL lives in a property owned by Gran. It is a mess - moldy, damp, cold etc but hubby has cleaned this out and tried to sort it out more than once but his mother lets it fall into the state it's in now every time it has been sorted. A couple of days ago she called us to let us know DHs Gran is moving in with her and is selling her old house as her husband (Granda) is going into care and the sale of their house will have to pay for his care. She said my hubby has to come and help her move all of Gran's things into her house, clear the old house for being sold and clean her house for his Granny to move in!
Normally Hubby doesn't mind helping out but last last he was called over she just sat on her arse and done fuck all (I had to call in my father to help last time so hubby wasn't doing everything by himself but he suffers with arthritis). The pressure is getting to him. I dunno what to suggest because the rest of DHs family is down south (his brothers, dad, uncles etc) and they won't come up to help because they all hate MIL (for good reasons tbh)
What should I do? AIBU to think MIL is being difficult by not asking for help from movers?

This is what removers/ house clearance teams are for. He needs to tell her that he will help. But his help will be to get quotes for removal companies and a team to go in and clean both houses from top to bottom. He can organise and oversee. He does not have to do the job himself. Not should he pay.

If that is not satisfactory then pass over a selection of telephone numbers for MIL to sort it out herself. Then step back.

I can only think of three courses of action:

1. Employ someone yourselves
2. Help
3. Say no, and brave the consequences.

Ultimately I think this is all you can do. I suppose there are a few in betweens like you husband getting one of his friends to help and then they go out afterwards. You going down en-mass with some friends and go out afterwards. Might make the experience a bit more pleasant. Could up the stakes and play annoying catch phrase bingo, with sweep stake? But seriously this is how parents can get when they are old.

^ should be 'you all'

If you can afford it I'd save him the stress & offer to pay half towards the cost of movers & a cleaning company

Is your mil elderly or not very mobile herself or is she just lazy? If the latter then at the very least she needs to be mucking in when your DH has had the kind heart to help.

I would suggest to her some professional movers and cleaners, it's not fair on your DH to keep cleaning up after her at her request. If he does help I would make it very clear (or get DH to explain) that this is the last time he will be doing this as she makes no effort to maintain his hard work.

I guess I just find it annoying how she just expects the help. I think we might have to muscle in a few friends and maybe my brothers (even though I know MIL won't even give out a thank you). I'm a bit worried because I know when his Gran moves in with his mother then she will be coming over to our house more to "escape". DHs Gran is actually an 80 yo gem. She's the one I feel sorry for as if it isn't bad enough her husband has gone into care (thanks to MIL convincing SWs it's for the best) but she has to live with MIL (who has recently confiscated all her credit/debit cards because she is forgetful )

Pay someone to do it, well your mil and granny should be the ones paying. Or offer to go halves. Or say no.

If no one will pay I would muscles as in as many friends as you can then have a party / all go out. It'll make the whole experience much better.