to say "no" when XP asks to borrow my car?

[TheScreamingNit]

I don't think I am, but I've thought about it so long I've tied myself in knots. DM's not answering her phone so it's you lot.

XP and I split in June- it's really good terms, no issues whatsoever blah blah blah.
When we settled, I got the car. His idea, no big deal.
The issue is, he will call and ask if he can borrow it "one day next week, you pick." So I'll say "sure, Thursday's good for me, that suit you?"
I then arrange my week so I don't have to go out (background- I live in an area with no PT and sod all within toddler-walking distance) and come Thursday, he's a no show.
Phone calls fail to rouse a reply.
It's happened perhaps five times?

Forty minutes ago he turned up on his motorbike to pick DD up to go to his for the weekend. When queried as to how the fuck he was taking DD because he sure as hell isn't putting her on that thing, his answer was "Oh, I'll borrow the car."

I've insisted on having it back within the hour, but I'm over it. It's my car. AIBU to tell him to jog on next time he asks?

YANBU. Was he always this flaky? Or is it since you've split up?

I think the clue is in him calling it THE car and not YOUR car.

he still sees it as joint property.

I would make it very clear that it isn't his and he can no longer use it.

Is it in your name? Your insurance, etc? He's got no claim to it at all?

tbh, I'd even be willing to go as far as selling that car and using the money to buy a different one if I thought that's what I had to do to stop him seeing the car as available to him. If I thought that he saw that car as available to him, iyswim.

Yes, tell him to jog on.

If he can't be bothered to stick to an arrangement, then tough. He needs to get his own car. You are under no obligation to lend him your car.

Definitely not being unreasonable!!! Funny I came across this thread because last night I was talking to XP, we've also got a toddler and I foolishly said if he wanted to borrow my car for work he could, regretted it almost immediately because I could see him being exactly the same and if they need cars so badly why don't they go and bloody buy them!!

Yanbu - I would say no more borrowing the car. If he needs a car, he has to get a car, if not then he doesn't need to borrow yours!

Also another thing to think about, if he has a crash YOUR insurance premium will go up next year, even if you don't insure him on it next year, as your policy will have made a claim. How would you feel then?

Take him off of the insurance - tell him it made it cheaper if you need a reason, that way you won't be tempted to let him borrow it. If he uses it as an excuse why he can't see your child then you can drop her off at his perhaps? He'll soon get tired of not having the use of a car and buy his own perhaps.

No claim to it at all, Revels. My name, my insurance, my roadside assistance.
Selling it is rather tempting but I think I'll keep that as a backup plan

Cookie, I think he always was, but because of the way our joint life worked it never really bothered me before. It's only recently I've started to notice the flake-level.

Lunatic, there aren't any cabs out this way (semi-rural Australia) but you're certainly right, apart from compulsory third party I don't think he is insured to drive my car.

Thanks ladies, you've steeled my resolve to tell him to bog off next time he asks. And if he ever turns up and assumes...well, he'll have another think coming.

Ehhhh, he is not insured and driving your car and child around? How have you ever let him borrow it?

I thought most Australian car insurance policies automatically insured other drivers, it's here in the UK that you can be left with uninsured drivers.

It's only if you specifically exclude groups (ie under 30s, etc) from your insurance policy that they are not covered - and they are usually insurances for the elderly, etc.

It's the excess that they hike up for the drivers they don't like.

But be that as it may, it's your car, tell him to jog on!

My insurance in Oz said if another person was driving their excess was x amount of $. So you don't really need a named driving. My sil used to borrow my car quite often, which was handy when she took my dd's out.