to start a new thread on dhs and housework .sorry!!

[sugar4eva]

My Dh will put a wash in, get us all up with a cuppa.He likes quiet time in am.He works full time and me part time .This means the deal is i do all the housework and shopping ,cooking ironing.Kids after school stuff and pony events
.In reality this equals that i have 6 hours leisure time on friday exept half terms etc.I think its evently split.He has every sunday off to o his hobby - half a day or more. .
The one thing that i find hard is that after many years together he leaves food bits in sink from washing up bowl and does not wipe sides down - ive asked for years- but to no avail.The other day there was tiny mushy bits of chicken which he had scooped out of sink and left on the side - left out overnight - gross.Also, he if sweeps kitchen floor tends to leave the bits in a little pile ie not use dustpan and brush and complete job.
Its not to my standard, but i guess i should just aCcept that as we are different.He says he does not see it .A bit like looking in fridge for butter and then asking me were it is senario.He read some books on men and women in ancient times that explianed re mens/ women vision being different... read it my self and it confirms - pop psychology stuff.Do i just nag or give in, to his standard when he does it.......Im not perfect by any means- not trying to imply i am- its just it gets to me at times .Anyone else???ps disclaimer not dh bashing - i wouldnt do his job!!

I would just leave it. Nagging seems to have the opposite effect and if it works it's temporary. You have a good arrangement between you so this is really small in comparison.

I'd let the small things go. Yes, he has different standards to you but at least he's contributing.

No one in this house ever thinks to wipe the sides down, except me. It's no big deal.

Sorry, sounds lazy. If you work part time & do kids that = FULL time in my book, therefore he should be doing half of all housework, cooking etc and he isnt prepared to then he needs to find 20 quid a week for you to get a cleaner in for a couple of hrs to do mopping sweeping etc and ease off the pressure on you.
I know lots of really tidy blokes and lots of not so tidy women, so this whole man/woman brain thing is rubbish - it has more to do with how boys and girls are raised, girls are expected generally to do more housework. So many blokes do things half arsed to get out of it.
Get your feminism on gilr, 50/50!

OK, suppose he had a temp in his office who was asked to do some filing. All looks well, stacks of paper have gone, looks tidy. But then a week later someone needs to find documents pertaining to project so-and-so - only to find that all the filing was just stuffed at random into the first file the temp found.

This is the exact analogy to sweeping the floor then leaving the bits in a heap. It's not that he doesn't do it to your standards, it's that a half-arsed attempt is no better than not doing it at all. Not only does it mean you have to put the same amount of effort into doing the job that you would have had to do had you done it from scratch, it's (just like the crappy temp) showing you a massive amount of disrespect - you're not worth him pulling his finger out.

This is why I hate the "men don't see dust/ you can't expect him to have the same standards as you" argument. It's so goddam selective. It's ok to expect important jobs, in the man's world of work, to be done to an acceptable standard, but not little wifey-tasks in the woman's world of the house. This is complete sexist bullshit.

Try him on the temp example. And if he says he'd be sending a temp back to the agency for doing that, ask why he thinks it's ok to do the same in the context of housework.

I think that some habits are just that - bad habits, and that's who he is as a person. Like DP always squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle whereas I like to do it from the end upwards.

I wouldn't sweat the small stuff like leaving bits of food in the sink. However, leaving bits on the counter is gross - how much more effort, if he's made the effort to take them out and dump them there, is it to scrape them into the bin or wash down sink? And sweeping up but then leaving a pile effectively makes the sweeping completely pointless. So on those two points, YANBU to expect him to complete them properly.

Also the excuse making would give me the rage, TBH. Admit that you're terminally undomestic (I am) but don't try to hide behind the old "Oh I've evolved not to see dirt because I'm a man, waah!" nonsense. That's just bull crap.

Either it matters, or it doesn't, either to him or because it's unsanitary/unsuitable for the DC, and if it matters then he should do it properly and not just expect you to. If it's something that doesn't really matter but you would prefer to be done, then I think it's just one of those little annoyances which comes from living with someone.

BTW do you really only have 6 hours' leisure time each a week? Surely you both have some in the evenings etc?

LURCIO- I agrree - he does a very responsible job at work and massive repurcussions if mistakes.Its just that ive tried saying and over years its just not worked.Or, like Coffee says, - the effect remains temporary.....Re the sweping its like he goes off the boil.I think i will push re sink tho for sure - i think its a health hazard occasionaly.!I will use the good job analogy - cheers!I dont think this stuff is because men not taught- i was brought up with a ill mother who had housework issues and true Ocd illness and i was taught nothing as she was too controlling to show or share any tips.

I'd bring it up again but it's hard if he's genuinely no realising he's doing it.

Also worth saying that you may also have "annoying little habits" that your DH has just got used to - certainly in our house DH does some things that I am sick of cleaning up afterwards, but am aware that there are some places where he cleans up after me.