On Behalf of a Friend

[Rachel778]

Hi .. One of my close friends has a child in Year 8 who refuses to go school or, if he does go to school, pays little attention . . My friend has asked if he is being bullied , this is denied by Him . . She asks if there is something he doesn't understand in some lessons ? No seems not . More than once she has driven him to the gates to make sure he goes in but he is now reaching a point where he won't even go to the car with her, let alone get in it .
She goes to college twice a week for a few hour and this is affecting her Course as she feels she should be at home now . Any advise would be appreciated .. Thanks.

She has a Meeting with school on Friday , SENCO are involved . Thanks for responding Altinkum

School is not optional!

I have a year 8'er and he bloody hates school. He has never been academic and his organisational skills are shocking (despite a lot of hand holding) but he knows that he absolutely must go and do his best or there will be a shitstorm at home! He has been told that if he ever gets caught truanting I WILL be walking him in and sitting beside him all. day. long. (fortunately I am self employed so could)

What are your friends childs grades like? it might be that he is being a drama llama at home but actually isn't too bad when he's there. Has your friend been into the school? Seriously, she does need to be all over this asap

Would some kind of reward be helpful? He goes into school sensibly every day for a week and gets a treat of some kind?

It sounds like it has gone beyond the stage where simply getting strict will help. Your friend needs to get to the bottom of his problems with school as different reasons have different solutions. If it is bullying/being friendless or shy then mentoring and teachers taking ownership of the problem could help. If he is finding the work too challenging the school could move him to different sets or find ways to support him. Some children find the routines and strictures of the day unbearable but can cope with the freer structure of a college day. There are lots of options now to help and the school should have some form of pastoral care that you can access. It often helps the child to say what their problem is if they can confide in someone outside of the school set-up like a youth worker.

Grades are fine on the whole .. bit of work needed in French and (I think) Geography and History) but all other subjects either bang on track or above expectations .. Yes she has been into school on a number of occasions from early July and also when he started doing this again come September . She is seriously considering doing what you said you would do, as in sit in class with him if needbe hence probably having to give up college .
Im meeting her soon for a coffee so Ill tell her your suggestions . .She knows I have asked for advise on here on her behalf (she is somewhat computer techno phobic lol , more so than me)

She should definately speak to school as they should help her.

It's not as simple as just manning up. We looked after a child last year who simply refused to go to school. Just wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. Nothing we, or anyone else did, could make them.

The Education Welfare Officer from the LA got involved, as well as various members of staff from the school. Parent Partnership were helpful too - www.parentpartnership.org.uk you should have a local branch who can help

Yes thats an idea Coupon .

lizzzyliveson , she heard he was being bullied but he denies this . He has been in Nurture (as they call it) before and inclusion over a class incident (though that was last Spring I think ) , She is hoping that his Nurture support worker will be at the meeting as he may just open up to her ..

Thanks freddiefrog Ill write that website down for Her. She is at a loss as her other DCs have always gone to school and she has had no issues with them playing truant.

Yes because manning up and forcing a child into a car is such a great idea...
DS has been having similar problems but I think we've caught it before it got to the refusing stage. We just had tears most mornings about going in. He's also year 8. Now we have had him referred as we think he may be dyspraxic but he is struggling in many ways at school, the description I get of him in some classes does not match the way he behaves at home - or with other teachers tbh.
Your friend needs to go into the meeting with a clear idea of the exact issues, I wrote everything down. Take notes too so she can refer back when necessary.
Keep on at the teachers involved, follow up every phonecall and letter ASAP.
Good luck to your friend, it's horrible having to send a child in who is so clearly unhappy.
And some compassion for a struggling child might not go amiss from some people..