To be annoyed that my DH is still in bed?

[Soontobemama]

We have a 9 week old baby. We usually take the night in shifts with DH doing the early shift from 9pm until midnite while I do the night feeds and mornings ( along with all day!).

Last night DH went to the pub so didnt do his shift. I therefore had the baby all day and all evening by myself plus did the night wakings.

I got up this morning after he should have left for work to find him asleep in the spare room. Apparently he has arranged to go into work late. He is still in bed now. Am I being j reasonable to be pissed off! I think as he got to go out last night he should be looking after our baby this morning to make up for it not getting himself a lie in!

Oh and before people say he deserves a night out he has had several. I have not had any.

I totally understand your frustration as I've been at that absolute level of exhaustion when an extra hour's sleep feels like a life or death issue. But, I think you might be a tiny bit U. It's one night out, presumably the first in nine weeks, and I assume he'll be back to the night shift tonight?

I know you don't get a night out (ever!) but lots of OH's wouldn't do a nightly shift when they went back to work. Giving him one free pass is probably a good idea to kept the peace. If he's hung over do you really want him looking after the baby anyway?

I would wake him up if I were you and tell him it's his turn! I entirely agree with you.

My baby is 9 months and so not nearly as tiring as a 9 week old (although we have a tough few weeks with sleep regression) and my DH is working from home today so after I got up with DD at 5.30am he took over at 6.30am so I could have a quick nap.

I would say that to make up for it he should do all night Friday and Saturday bar passing the baby to you for feeding when needed if you are breastfeeding. He can do all the resettling etc. No reason that your night "out" shouldn't be you catching up on sleep in the spare room... (which is what I wanted at that stage rather than actually going out!)

Cross post. If he often goes out then I would find it annoying, especially if he's going on benders rather than just a quiet drink. Talk to him tonight when you've calmed down about you getting some time to yourself too.

As I said in my second post he has had several nights out this isn't his first!

He doesn't go to bed until late anyway so having his own baby with him while he watches tv at night is hardly him being a hero.

I quite happily let him go out to watch the football and even cooked him dinner before he went. But had I known he wasn't planning on going into work this morning I would've expected him to look after the baby for an hour. Instead he has taken the time for himself which annoys me because it feels like he thinks his son is my responsibility only.

I've just gone in and told him he is taking the piss but he still hasn't got up. The baby has been screaming, he couldn't possibly have not heard but he made no moves to come and see him.

I don't think you ABU, I'd get him to cover a whole day at weekend or whenever he has time off if he works weekends. We have a boob card in our house, DH can bring baby to me for feeds only and I get some peace for a few hours to mumsnet relax and sleep.

He also wasn't on a bender it was a few drinks watching football. He isn't hungover or bloody shouldn't be.

Ok sorry, as I said it was a cross post. I'll leave now.

YANBU. I would be annoyed too.

hope you get some sleep/ a break soon.

Go into room with screaming baby. Leave baby with husband. Leave room.

I agree with living
Why haven't you already done this?
I'd be shouting at him to get the hell up right now before I flip out!
Go and do it!

Yes what living said

Read him the bloody riot act. Open the bedroom curtains, pull the covers back and tell him he has 10 minutes to be downstairs or you are not going to be responsible for your actions.

You are right in the middle of sleep deprivation, I remember the exhaustion at 9 weeks, it's soul destroying. But you are BOTH parents, it is not only your job.

Also I'd be pissed off that he planned this and didn't give you a heads up.

Him looking after ds until midnight is not the same as going to bed and then having to wake up and be awake enough to feed baby.

Tell him you'll stay up till 12 he can go to bed early and get up and feed baby, and feel like shit because he's had broken sleep. You'll feel better as although you've had less sleep it will be un broken.

The baby didnt scream for long enough for me to dump him on DH. Uncooperative little devil.

He got up ten minutes after I went in and has said that he will go into work late the morning after I go out in a few weeks time. So I will get a lie in. I will still have to do the night feeds so its not a total break but at least its something.