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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU? Because I'm Not Sure.

11 replies

GoldenGytha · 15/10/2013 19:46

Some of you may recognise me, as I've been on Mumsnet for a while, but only recently name changed, and some you may know who I was previously, please don't out me if you do.

I have very difficult strained relationships with my parents, brother and aunts, and I have been in long term therapy because of this.

So, last week, one of my aunties died (one of the few family members, who wasn't unpleasant, nasty, or just plain weird) The funeral was today. My brother, SIL and me decided to share the cost of a wreath, as we usually do for these things. We just go half, and put all our names, including the 5DC we have between us. All is fine there, and my SIL ordered the flowers which cost £40, so it was agreed that I pay £20 and they pay £20. They paid by credit card and I said I would give them my share ASAP, which they agreed to.

Now I am a single parent on disability benefits, so £20 is rather a lot of money to me, so I phoned my brother today to ask if it was ok if I paid him back next week, when I get my benefits. He kind of went daft at me, saying I was selfish, and that he needed the money today and it was too bad if I didn't have it, I had better find it. I explained that I just didn't have it today, but that I'd pop it through his door next week. He very reluctantly agreed, saying that it had better be no later than that, as he was counting on me giving him this money so that he could have a pint at the weekend.

AIBU here? He said that the credit card bill was not due for another three weeks, and I'll have paid him back long before that, and I do not have any history of not paying my way, there is no question that I will not pay him next week.

OP posts:

stowsettler · 15/10/2013 19:49

I don't think YABU for asking for the time to pay, but could you have warned them in advance that you wouldn't have it til next week?

FlouncyMcFlouncer · 15/10/2013 19:49

Nope, YANBU. You told him ASAP, and you didn't go back on that.

PeppiNephrine · 15/10/2013 19:50

Well, you should have said before it was paid for that you might not have it for a while, and he should have said before paying that he needed it right away, so you are both a bit unreasonable.
But it sounds like there is more too it than that. Maybe he is having financial problems you don't know about?

Original poster

GoldenGytha · 15/10/2013 19:59

Maybe I should have mentioned that it might be next week, but they are aware of my own financial situation, and that I might not be able to find £20 right away.

As long as it's paid before the bill comes (which it will be) then does a week make a lot of difference. Not saying that to be stroppy, just wondering.

OP posts:

PeppiNephrine · 15/10/2013 20:01

Maybe it does to him, for some reason. We can't tell you.

SaucyJack · 15/10/2013 20:02

I think YWBU to not have warned them before they paid your share that you wouldn't have to money straight away.

Original poster

GoldenGytha · 15/10/2013 20:04

I did say in my OP, that I would pay ASAP, and for me that is next week, and sorry I did tell him that next benefits day is next week, sorry for not making that clearer in my OP.

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 15/10/2013 20:32

No, YANBU. It sounds perfectly reasonable. Unless maybe he owes £20 to someone else and was hoping to give your £20 straight to them or something, but still he shouldn't go nuts at you over it.

Original poster

GoldenGytha · 15/10/2013 20:46

It's possible picnic but unlikely,

My brother owes money (not large amounts) to his friends from years back, he was forever borrowing and never paid a penny back.

But to be fair, that was then, and maybe he does owe someone else some money now.

OP posts:

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 15/10/2013 21:06

I've read Mumsnet for ages but this post is what's made me register to reply.
It's your brother who's being totally unreasonable not you.

What you owe for flowers is due when they need to pay the bill and not before. All your obligation is, is to make sure they're not out of pocket when the money needs to be paid to the credit card company because paying by card means they haven't yet spent anything either for you or for themselves.

If he owes anyone else money that's a totally separate issue.
What was he going to do about that if you hadn't needed to go halves on funeral flowers?

Original poster

GoldenGytha · 15/10/2013 21:17

The money I owe will be paid next week, I will make a special journey to make sure the money is put through his door next week enrique

A friend did mention that as there's two of them and one of me (and our DC) that we should each pay about £13, to make it a totally equal split, but I didn't want to quibble about that, I don't grudge my aunt £20 on flowers.

Maybe think about it for the next one though, or just get my own, from me and DC.

OP posts:

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