You know the phrase "the baby hasn't read the book"...?

[Thurlow]

I have a (very probably unreasonable) issue with this phrase.

Now, of course a baby hasn't read a book. They haven't ready any book. They don't go by any routine other than what their body decides it wants at any given moment - to be hungry, to want to sleep, to want a cuddle, to want to stay wide awake and play at 3am. Obviously no book is going to tell you exactly what your baby wants at any one moment in time, unless it's a book you've written after your baby has been born.

But, but, but...

One, if you have no experience of babies, and no one close to you who has recently had a baby, then a book is hardly a bad place to start to get a vague idea about what you should do with a baby. If you've got no experience of babies at all, not all parents are going to find things 'instinctive'. I had no bloody idea how much newborns were supposed to sleep, my newborn didn't want to sleep, it was only when I read in a book that they should sleep a lot more than my baby did that I was able to start trying to help the overstimulated, overtired mess that was my 2 week old.

Two, there seems to be an assumption that any book on parenting or babies is going to be a strict routine, GF style book. Which clearly isn't true.

And three, surely some of the non-routine parenting styles are also championed by books - like BLW, as one example? That's from a book. But people talk about it as if it isn't, as if it just some sort of instinctive form of parenting, when actually I get the impression that it was a book which started a change in weaning habits. (Though I can tell you, my baby certainly hadn't read the book on BLW and detested it )

So yes, the baby hasn't read the book, but that goes for any kind of book - so your baby hasn't read GF and might hate you trying to get their naps in a routine, but neither has it read the book on attachment parenting, and might hate you trying to carry them around in a sling all day.

I just find it a bit of an off-putting phrase, especially for new parents who might not have a clue where to start. Is it just me?

Yanbu. I love parenting books.

In fact I think DS ghost wrote the GF book .

I had no parenting instinct at all first time around. The more I muddled through, the more miserable we both were. I needed someone who knew about babies to tell me what to do and when I should do it.

fairylights, I know you didn't mean that comment in any bad way at all (and I do agree wholeheartedly about what the NCT should teach!) that is the kind of comment which I was talking about earlier. Yes, most people understand that babies need to eat, sleep and be kept clean, but the actual practicalities of that when you're faced with a baby is a whole different ball game. How much should they sleep? How much should they feed? How can you encourage them to sleep?

I know perfectly well that for all people complain some of the childcare experts haven't had children themselves, they still knew a damn sight more than I did about what to do with a newborn than I did!

YANBU. We devoured books for the first few weeks! The Baby Whisperer was great to start with, but then we realised GF was the one for us all (including DD) and I followed it slavishly for about 18 months. It was a lifesaver for me. No, you can't let a book rule your life if it's not working, but please don't smile at me patronisingly and tell me the baby hasn't read the book - I know that, but I have, and that's what counts!