to leave my DH

[PTFO]

Because he won't have a second child. He's had 10 months to think on it, we have discussed it many a time. I don't think I can live with this. I have booked into see someone for a 'chat' to help my thought processes as I'm not coping very well. I've slipped into depression with lots of tears. hence booking in to see someone.

aibu to consider this, am I a selfish cow, should I put up and shut up?

I agree with Kotinka, I think it could be depression with added anxiety about your PND. Don't give up on him.

Good luck OP.

You will get through this whatever the outcome! Maybe he would feel differently if he can see that you are working through your depression? do you feel like you are coping well generally at the moment?

I have always said no to a 3rd (and frankly I freaked out at having my 2nd) but now that I am early thirties and I can hear my tick tock getting louder it is starting to become an issue. Maybe its just because I don't want the opportunity to leave if that makes sense?

Calloh, I didn't take it that way and your right I do need to think of those vows. I have reassured on the pnd front, I said Ill book in to see gp in advance and discuss a plan to see gp on regular basis and start treatment should I need it.

Yes he is terrified of doing it again. I would never blackmail- its pointless it would be doomed to do that. He has made his decision now I have to try and sort my head out.

mrscog. Ive been through all of that with dh I think he is scarred for life!

This depression only hit me last week- like a sledgehammer. I was in John bloody lewis surrounded by smug mummies, bumps, baby department-right by the loo. I came out in tears and its gone down hill from there.

DH has offered to come with me to appointment but I said no.

His reasons seem to be coming from a point of concern over your health and therefore love for you.

I think you are wise to speak to someone about how you're feeling.

Op I agree that seeing someone to help you sort through your feelings at the moment is a good idea. Whilst you are upset/depressed about it, I think it may have the averse effect with regards your DH decision on a second child. He could see your current depression and think that your PND could return if you are already depressed about the whole issue. I would also advise not to make any important decisions/plans with regards children/leaving your DH whilst you are feling depressed.

I really hope you start feeling more positive soon.

I don't think you are seeing straight, OP. From the outside it looks like it would be a terrible idea for you to have another child.

please get help as it sounds like you still have problems. Not your fault, no shame, but you must get help.

I was very upset when my DH didn't want a second child. I didn't consider leaving him but I did consider trying to talk him into it. I got advice on MN at the time, and got a unanimous 'he's right, you're not thinking straight about this'. And he was right. I was seeing things through a fog of hormones and guilt - guilt that DS wouldn't have a sibling, 'lonely only' and all that nonsense. I am so glad that I listened to MN, and that I accepted DH's decision. Our family is small but it is very happy and DS is far from lonely. I always assumed I'd have a big family - I love kids - but DH is my husband, I adore him, and being a united family is much more important than having a 'standard sized' family (which is clearly a nonsensical concept anyway!)

No words of wisdom but just to say I completely understand what you are going through I can't talk about it myself yet but I really hope you work it out (((hugs)))

Given that you suffered PND to extent of wanting to kill yourself, it is likely that you have both not had a good experience of early parenthood. I would suggest that you both talk to some experts on recovering from PND and how a second birth would be handled and treated from a medical perspective to avoid a PND a second time (if that is possible).

Yanbu. It would have been a deal breaker for me. I would resent my husband to the point where the relationship would be unworkable.

I was you OP , desperate for another child , wanted another almost from the day i came out of hospital after having DD . It completely dictated my life for a number of years . Then i got pregnant when DD was 6 , DH very unsupportive throughout pregnancy , even though we had being having sex without using any contraception for over a year . I ended up with PND and had a breakdown . DH still unsupportive and i am still unhappy , except now i have the pressue of caring for another child .

sounder wtf? Did you really just use the term "mental"to a pnd sufferer?

OP yabu and yanbu such an increincredibly hard one. No advice but good luck x

I want another child, very very much. DH does not. We had always agreed on just having one, and he still really struggles with the lack of sleep and the way having a toddler ties you down. I also think he doesn't really enjoy the daily grind of parenting a toddler and is looking forward to DS being older. I'm at a bit on an impasse really, like you. I love DH and I love our family and I think I need to come to terms with all that being 'enough' for me. I keep having to remind myself that his opinion is just as valid as mine, and I would hate to have another baby and have him resent me and it. I really want to throw a tantrum and beg and plead because I know that DH would eventually give in and give me what I want, but it's not right or fair so I wont. It's hard and for some reason (maybe because DS is nearly two and properly becoming not a baby any more) it is really really hard right now. So you have my sympathies.

Lovely MNetters over in relationships pointed out all this to me and stopped me from doing anything stupid, which I am very grateful for.

sounder wtf? Did you really just use the term "mental"to a pnd sufferer?

OP yabu and yanbu such an increincredibly hard one. No advice but good luck x

Sounder - very helpful.

Ignore Sounder, he will get fed up soon.