to stop taking dc's to my parents?

[YellowCanary1]

I love my parents to bits, they are good parents and great grandparents. They are also foster carers. They currently have a 14year old foster daughter who has gone off the rails a bit. She is hanging round with a dangerous crowd, we believe taking drugs and becoming very aggressive. When she loses it , she really has no control and goes mad. My ds has already witnessed her calling my dad a f c*, and attacking him. Yesterday I visited them and foster sister was out. When getting her washing my dad found a knife in her room.

From my parents point of view there are obviously a lot of issues to deal with regarding my foster sister. She is vulnerable and in need of support, as well as mental health support. whether the knife was for self harm or violence I don't know, but I just feel the situation is to volatile and dangerous for my 2 dcs who are 4mtha and 2.5yrs. I do not want them going round there, with or without me, whilst she is in the house. I don't trust that when 'out of control' she won't cause someone werious harm. Parents think I'm over-reacting. AIBU?

Wow! Your poor family- what a lot you're all going through. I certainly don't think you're being unreasonable, weather a foster, adopted or blood sister and daughter it doesn't matter, it is a potentially dangerous situation for two very small children to be in. I hope your parents are recieveing the support they need from the relevant people and that they know they have your support and that you are not deserting them, simply doing what you can to protect your children.

YANBU

That sounds very difficult for all of you and YANBU to want to protect your DCs.

Your parents sound lovely to your family and to be involved in fostering. I agree with Edendance that you need to make sure they understand why you're not visiting. Could you perhaps arrange other ways to see them with your DCs so they don't miss out on each other? Or visit when she is not there?

Also worth saying that your foster sister may need a chat about this - she sounds very troubled but might be hurt that you feel she could be a threat. This might make her behaviour worse. I have no idea how fostering works but is there a key worker or someone to advise?

Are they level 3 foster caters? LA or independent? Is this a long term placement?

Obviously you need to do what you feel is best, but do you feel that your parents know what they are doing? They must have had training and gave support.

Sorry for typos on this handheld thingy.

I think it's probably for the best as your DCs are so little.

But can't you arrange to have them over to see you and your kids?

no I wouldn't go. my own kids safety comes before anything. your parents sound wonderful people but in my experience such people do tend to see the good in others and not anticipate the bad.

My parents are very experienced with over 35 years of fostering experience. They now foster though an ifa after doung 30 years with la. They've had a lot of training but I worry about their age now in dealing with this and the fact in total they have 12 grandchildren who are all part of this.
Foster sis is a long-term placement, been fine for 3 years and is part of our family. Situation has escalated over past few months, and it saddens me to say I don't trust her now and am worried for my parents safety.

Yellow, I would talk to them about whether the IFA is supporting the placement adequately. And I presume it has been commissioned by a LA? You could get some advice there, as you are clearly genuinely worried.