to request sep hol acc from in laws?

[Onsera3]

Travelling abroad for DH's bro's wedding in couple of months and we'll all need accommodation. BIL wants to book it and pay.

I requested kitchen facility to prepare food etc for DS 11 mo. BIL suggested we get a 3 bd apart so we can all stay together before nuptials- us, him, MIL and FIL.

I would prefer one of the studio apartments. Practically, I want some privacy to bf DS without having to use a cover or do so on bed. Also anxious about sharing bathroom when I have some medical issues and it's a country where travellers often fall ill. General hassle to cover up when in nightwear as expected to be modest.

Also, MIL (lives nearby) is lovely but hard work where DS is concerned. Gets very excited and silly, ignores my and DH requests of what to do or not do, judges my way of doing things and offers archaic advice instead. I find it exhausting after a couple of hours.

Plus, we haven't had a holiday since DS was born except staying in homes of my family abroad months ago. DH has OCD regarding housework so he doesn't relax often at home and I'd love sometime to chill just the three of us in hotel.

Money is of no issue for BIL but DH thinks we can't make too many requests as not paying. BIL wouldn't let us pay even if we could. In fact a few family members will be fighting to pay.

AIBU and a precious princess to want separate accommodation? I guess I'm trying to get a holiday out of a family event...

I think if you say you need space for breast feeding and 'women's issues' to do with needing a separate bathroom then your BIL won't want to enquire any further and will go with your request. Be brave, it is better to do that than have a big row when tempers fray.

Some of your requirements are reasonable, and some are not. Basically, though, if someone else is paying, you should really just suck it up unless your requirements really are non-negotiable.

I think you could politely request with explanations (esp. around bf). We sometimes have a week away with my own parents and brother and we have all found it best to have two separate houses so we all have some space and privacy. It doesn't sound unreasonable. I feel for you especially over the bathroom issues. I have the same anxieties although my DH, who has Crohn's, isn't really bothered!

Make sure you go straight to BIL-don't discuss it with MIL and FIL as they might try and argue you down.

I think as long as you put your reply in the same sorts of words as have been used here eg "suggest" and "prefer" and make the point about privacy and breastfeeding, then there's nothing rude about saying what you'd like.

I'd bet your BIL thinks he is doing everyone a favour by suggesting sharing, and would be mortified if he thought you had kept quiet about not liking the idea.

suggest what you want to bil so he can book it but offer to pay the difference in price imo

Thanks ladies. BIL doesn't want to discuss arrangements with MIL and FIL as FIL will not allow him to pay.

I think DH feels a bit bad we are the only ones who aren't rich and who can't argue about paying the bill. Plus they had a good time as a family staying in apartment when DH and I were getting married abroad.

I did ask DH to relay the issue about practicalities (not MIL!) to BIL but I can't be confident he did really as he also forgot to pass on info about DS nut allergy re wedding food.