To get really annoyed that this woman keeps making patronising comments about my clothes and appearance?

[ChilliDoritos]

There is a mum at my DCs school who makes a beeline for me every day at drop off and pick up. She seems generally nice enough and our 6 year olds are friends, and I'm always happy to have a chat, but she constantly makes patronising comments about my appearance and what I'm wearing, and it's really starting to irritate me.

It's always things that have a little sting in the tail. Usually started with her going 'Ooo-ooh' like you would to a child that you thought looked smart or who had a posh new party frock on. And then it's followed by 'have you done your make up differently? you look really glamorous today?' or 'Oooh I like that top, it's nice to see you in something pretty'. This morning I had a denim jacket on and she started saying 'Ooh-ooh, I like this' and tugging away at it, and she then pulled the label out at the nape of the neck, said the brand really loudly and said 'never heard of that brand before'.

I don't know if it's her way of complimentary and she sometimes comes across badly, or if she's genuinely being passive aggressive, but either way it's really becoming annoying.

AIBU?

If she works for a clothing retailer, I'd go with 'ooooh did you get that scarf/hat/cummerbund from work?' Tell her you don't know how she finds the time to apply soooo much makeup.

YouTheCat actually, you have given me a genius idea for a bitchy reply.

OP should have said, with a pitying smile, "No, I suppose you wouldn't know this label. You don't venture much off he beaten track of [store name]'s current season, do you?"

You could sow a label in your clothes saying 'nosey cow'.

That'd learn her.

Or, you could use the old 'don't touch what you can't afford'.

If none of these work, tell her politely to fuck off.

You know what, my mother does this to me? Every time I see her (which is at least once a week) she comments on my appearance. Even if I am wearing the raggiest tracksuit bottom and my hair in a scraggy pony tail she will insist on finding something to comment on. 'That's a nice top' 'No it isn't, mum. It's something I pulled on because everything else is in the wash.' I think it's a control thing. My mum cannot bear the fact that I am taller, younger thinner and have (especially this) better hair than her, so I think her way of regaining control over me is to sort of, I don't know, 'approve' me. I bet this woman has something similar going on with her. You get to her because you have something she doesn't have (you are nice probably and people like you!), so she is trying to establish some sort of hierarchy where she 'approves you'. Just completely ignore it or say 'oh thanks' in an off hand way, like her 'approval' is neither here not there.

What an odd woman. The label touching would really freak me out though - talk about invading personal space!

music I used to have a badge on my coat that said in very tiny writing, "nosey little shit, aren't you?"

I was so delighted when it got people.

Maybe chillidoritos should get one!

I'd ask her if she could respect my personal space and not go digging around in my clothes, ta.

You feel that she is patronizing, she makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to put up with this. You are an adult. Either tell her her comments aren't nice or keep your distance. No need to over complicate your life over this.

I'm no good at the "oooh, you look lovely!" "What, this old thing? You are always so well turned out!" "Me? I'm a mess!" game.

If someone compliments me, I just say thank you.

Ah the backhanded, bitchy comments that could sound like compliments. She sounds like my ex MIL in fact all the ex in laws actually you're not near Swanley are you??

Tell her to get off your clothes that must be really annoying for you. I can't stand people that are obsessed with how people look/how they look. ex horrible MIL used to say things like 'ooh I wish I could be like you and not worry what I looked like' while looking me up and down!!

Wow. I have a couple of friends I feel like I'm always complimenting just like that. Must stop doing it if it seems patronising. If it helps its cos they do always look great.

I think she thinks she's bonding with you- if she works in fashion, she must place more value on clothes than most and assumes you'll be tickled pink when she compliments you. That said, I can imagine it gets bloody tedious and grabbing the label out of your jacket really crosses a line!

Turn up at school in overalls, wellies and covered in mud, and no one seems in the least bit interested in your clothes, that what I do most days .

Quote (add some straw in your hair, and possibly a string belt) - are you my sister?

You are all pussyfooting around the issue - except coffeetea.

OP you should tell her. You can do it nicely or not so nicely - but there is nothing wrong with some straightforward feedback e.g. please stop discussing my personal appearance with me. I am NOT interested.

Personally I feel she is being PA.

Yes I would go completely the opposite way and start complimenting her in a completely ott way, extremely loudly. She'll soon get the message!

Maybe she just likes what you wear. Maybe you struggle to receive compliments?

I would grab her hair and fling her over the school gate, like a scene from Matilda.

I am very into not being touched or inspected by strangers.

I always like to pay a compliment if its deserved though

Say to her are you after a job in fashion because you're always commenting on people's outfits & people are starting to notice

No need to avoid her. Your 6 year old is her child's friend but don't let that stop you telling her to keep her comments to herself. Just look astonished and say, "Did I ask for your opinion? No? Thought not".

'Get a grip luv; it's Primark.'