To give back toys which have 'migrated' here

[pleasethanks]

Inspired by another thread here.

MIL buys more toys than she knows what to do with for DD (3), from local jumble sales (the fact they are from jumble sales is not an issue, but she does tend to go for quantity over quality). Honestly, the toy box round at MIL's house is beyond ridiculous. I don't think it could even be called a box, it is the size of a skip. And I think her attic is stuffed to the gills of other toys to be brought out at other times. Fine, her choice. But it does get a little wearing that on the very odd occasion I buy something for DD MIL often pipes up 'oh, I have that in my toy box/in the attic for her'. It has gotten to the stage I am reluctant to buy anything for DD as I am so concerned about her getting spoilt. I am not sure it is right for her to have 10 news toys to play with everytime she goes round there - 2 or 3 times a month.

I have noticed that over the years we have ended up with some of the crap round at our house. DD has enough already, we don't need more added to the pile. Obviously I don't mean presents, but just random junk that has come home with her after a visit - if I ask MIL about it she says 'DD wanted to take it'. Well, I am sure she did, but perhaps you should say no.

It is at the stage there is too much - would IBU to gather some of it (not gifts obviously, but just the random stuff that migrates across to our house) and give it back to MIL. I would happily chuck it to charity, but don't feel it is my place to do that. I sense she will get pissed off, but I am reasonable to do it aren't I?

Develop a very vague memory. You are not sure where this stuff came from but you don't want it anymore. Put it in the outside bin if it is tatty or charity shop if it is in good condition. Say nothing about it to anyone. Chances are she will not remember individual items.

She does remember though! That is the problem! And I don't feel they are mine to chuck out really.

Here is a prime example. DD has set of dominos her uncle (MIL son) gave her at christmas. 3 weeks later DD turns up at home with another set of doms that MIL let her take from her toy box. A few months later MIL and FIL come round to our house to play with DD and they bring with them another set of doms for DD to play with. I mean, seriously?

I don't think YWBU to take stuff to the charity shop TBH, unless mil has a staggeringly good memory for individual items and is likely to ask for stuff back. There's nothing wrong with having a toy clear out.

Ah. X post about the memory.

In that case I would tell her that you are having a clear out because DD is drowning in toys, and would she like to take stuff back that's fine but otherwise you will get rid

Honestly - charity shop. Clear a load of stuff into bags and put it in car boot/cupboard, if DD notices something has gone and asks to play with it take it back out, everything left/forgotten can go to charity.

Charity shop it. If mil says something tell her you just don't have the space. Or bag it up and dump it in mil's doorstep!

We do have a lot of stuff and my FiL has made tactless comments about it on visiting. They also talk loudly and often about wanting to get rid of the baby bits and toys at their house when the children have grown out of it so why, after our last two visits, have I had to insist that the children leave stuff behind, with the GPs saying "Oh, no, they can take it" and the children whining for it? I also have to make it clear they look forward to reading/playing with it next time at their house so it isn't either sent home with another Grandchild or just got rid off (as has happened ......). Oh, and they are the pits for giving multiple tiny presents on Birthdays/at Christmas and then commenting on how much stuff we have and how hard it must be to keep tidy. Grrrr!