WWYDl? Becoming parents

[Bathtimesoaker]

Hi, sorry it's not strictly a AIBU but I would like to gather some opinions please. DH and I both said that we want children but my proposed timing is sooner than his. I have said that I would like to start ttc early next year. I had my last depo injection in May so dh has been responsible for contraception and will be until he is ready (It's quite nice to have no artificial hormones after nearly 10 years)

I was aware that DH wasn't in the same place as me with regard to timings and fully accept that, but this morning we spoke bluntly and DH said he was now in a place where he was 70% wanting children.

He doesn't think that number will grow much. His reasons were 1) He's a very sensible person and is worried that our situation may not be perfect (he'd like more savings behind us) 2) he's absolutely terrified, he's scared because we are both sleep monsters and that he might end up resenting a child that came along and fundamentally changed our life. He's worried he won't make a good father and worried that he may not be able to handle the permanent responsibility that comes with a child.

I don't have the answers here, I'm scared too, I know he'd be amazing but I also doubt my own untested abilities, especially when sleep deprived but I know we'd be capable of giving a child our complete love. Wwyd? Any advice?

It's really natural to be frightened. Also there is never a perfect moment to have kids, you can never really be prepared. In regards to sleep, yes it is totally knackering but you do come out the other end. As long as there's lots of love, I'm sure things will be great. Having kids is amazing. In your post you mention all the negatives and non of the positives. And it is more positive then anything.

no one is ever ready for children.

you can never have enough time. patience, money, sleep in the bank, but hey you cope.

to be honest it's easy to overthink it.

your dh is worried about being a good dad so by definition he will be as he cares.

go for it.

Yes theres sleep deprivation, pooy nappies, responsibilities etc. We have found that being parents has bought us many things, the experience of a much deeper love ( for DH, me and kids), a shake up of our value systems, special deeper friendships, lots more laughter, delight in little things. I think parenthood has made me a more empathic and supportive person.

I know I'm being silly. A few years ago DH would only humour me when I talked about children but now he's told me that he has thought of names. It's just when he started talking about his fears it really got me worried thinking that maybe I'd be awful. I was secretly hoping that he'd be 95% there but I'm probably being too pushy.

We have a lovely 4yo niece who is so so bright and energetic that a few hours with her leave us exhausted. She is absolutely lovely and we've played a huge part of her life from day one but it's really scary to translate that kind of experience to it actually being your child, your responsibility and the buck stopping with you.

DH is still in charge of the contraception though, so I still need to try and convince him that he'd be wonderful and the time may never be right.

Dont overthink it.

My DH and I made the decision to stop being 100% careful with contraception and let nature take its course. . I know it must be the stupidest way to do it but we really couldn't decide to definitely go ahead and start trying for a baby. It was a bit of a cop out that we still laugh about 22 years later.

(Oldest child was conceived the first month we stopped being super careful with the contraception)