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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to take time off work because of a bad ultrasound result?

39 replies

Nessalina · 13/10/2013 23:47

So, let me start by saying, I am almost never off work, I'd say I've had 2 sick days in the last 3-4years.
We went on Friday for the 12 week scan for our first pregnancy, and unfortunately it looks like there's something very wrong. Baby has 9.3 NT and fluid in the chest. Doctor said that they don't see many babies with this sort of thing go to term Sad We're back in tomorrow for tests to find out more.
Have spent most of the weekend in a daze, doing too much thinking and a lot of crying. Told my boss on Friday what had happened, as I was due in Saturday and wouldn't have been able to work, and I'd also need Monday off for tests. Which was fine.
The issue is, I don't see how I can go back to work on Tuesday. I'm an absolute mess right now, and I don't work in a job where I can just hide, I'm a manager and I'm in contact with staff and customers all day. My staff know I'm pregnant and I just can't face them not knowing what the hell is going on yet. The thought of going in and being normal just feels beyond me right now.
I want to sign myself off for the week, and take some time to get myself together, but I feel bad about my team managing without me, and it feels self indulgent, even though it feels like the right thing...
Sorry for the essay, just wanted to get some second opinions.

OP posts:
5madthings · 13/10/2013 23:49

Yanbu at all.

Nothing more to it, you need time to deal with this news and to look after yourself.

I am sorry you are dealing with this and hope you get more positive news on Monday xxx

Tweasels · 13/10/2013 23:51

Take the time off. They'll understand I'm sure and quite frankly fuck them if they don't.

Flowers hope your further tests are more positive xx

Coupon · 13/10/2013 23:51

YANBU. Sorry to hear what you're going through.

thebody · 13/10/2013 23:52

so sorry op how bloody awful for you.

I can't imagine anyone at work expecting you to turn up until things are straighter for you.

of course you must take time off. anyone would.

Madmum24 · 13/10/2013 23:53

Take whatever time you need. I have been there, I know what you are going through x

Sparklingbrook · 13/10/2013 23:53

Absolutely NBU.

When you have found out more and can think straight, talk to work then, you have to prioritise yourself right now.

Hope the news is better tomorrow. x

Lweji · 13/10/2013 23:53

So, so sorry. :( Do take care of yourself.

I'm sure your team will be the first to tell you to stay at home.

Mogz · 13/10/2013 23:55

Yanbu, get your doctor to sign you off for a bit so you can collect yourself if that is what you feel you need. Your employer cannot legally pull you up because of pregnancy related absence. Thanks

ZombieMonkeyButler · 13/10/2013 23:57

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you're going through this Sad.

YADNBU to need some time off. If this is a problem for your employer then I am sure your GP will be happy to provide a sick note, given the circumstances.

I also hope you have some more positive news tomorrow. They do make mistakes sometimes.

Morloth · 14/10/2013 00:03

Take the time. No question. You would insist one of your team did I assume.

Be kind to yourselves.

Sorry to hear your news.

Original poster
Nessalina · 14/10/2013 00:04

Thanks so much all, I've been spending a lot of time in my head and I'd quite convinced myself that I was being a bit ridiculous to take time off. It's such a relief to hear that I'd be perfectly normal to do so.
I was worried that it'd not look good on my record, but good to know that if it's pregnancy related then it's different.
I think I'll ring HR direct tomorrow and let them know. My boss is on holiday herself and I'd rather not have to explain myself to someone just stepping in Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Nessalina · 14/10/2013 00:05

That's a bloody good point actually, there's no way if expect someone on my team to come in if they were going through this.

OP posts:
closingeveryhour · 14/10/2013 00:07

So so sorry OP. Of course you must stay off. Thinking of you xx

PistachioTruffle · 14/10/2013 00:10

Yanbu Flowers

PerpendicularVince · 14/10/2013 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TweaksCrunchyCarrot · 14/10/2013 00:26

I took a week in the same circumstances. Totally necessary. Be kind to yourself.x

RedorBlack · 14/10/2013 05:12

Oh Op, I am so so sorry. YANBU at all, this isn't self indulgent at all, this is you doing what you need to do for yourself. Perfectly acceptable & understandable. Please take care of yourself

mrsjay · 14/10/2013 09:06

your work wouldn't expect you in take some time off sorry you are going through this Flowers

DontAskIDontKnow · 14/10/2013 10:34

YANBU. It is a truly shit thing to go through. I found going to work easier, but I sit in front of a computer all day and no one there knew I was pregnant, so no chance of badly timed questions.

Make sure you give yourself time to get your head round the situation. Sometimes if things move too quickly it can be more traumatic.

There are other boards on mumsnet etc for support. If you search for antenatal tests you should find them.

Tailtwister · 14/10/2013 10:39

I'm so very sorry.

I'm a line manager and I would expect someone in my team to take time off under similar circumstances. Of course everyone is different and if someone wanted to be at work I wouldn't stop them, but YANBU to take time off if that's what you feel best.

OneUp · 14/10/2013 10:46

Honestly take time off

thistlelicker · 14/10/2013 10:48

Take as much time as u feel u need! Your bound to be experiencing so many emotions right now and u don't need to justify them to anybody!Thanks

iloveny001 · 14/10/2013 10:48

Absolutely take the time off.

Shellywelly1973 · 14/10/2013 10:51

Im so sorry...

Take care if yourself. Put yourself first, work can wait.

Wishing you the very best of luck with the tests today. X

Runwayqueen · 14/10/2013 10:51

Please take off as much time as you need. I've had a scan that didn't show what we expected and immediately I took the time I needed.

Be kind to yourself opThanks