to wish I could talk to someone

[Notanotherusername]

In short: I've had a really bad week, two people close to me died and my aunt has cancer and my friends have no idea because I could not tell them because they called me asking for a listening ear and they all had problems. And they are the kind of person who thinks saying 'it will get better' its patronizing, so I just had to listen and could not really say anything to make them feel better or tell them things were not great on my side too.

My husband suffers from anxiety disorder so I do not tell him things that can make his condition worse.

So I have been listening and just wish someone could listen to me.
I am usually the one who looks positive, but I just wish someone was there to tell me everything will get better.

I've got a baby and I am still in lots of pain after my EMCS, I've been going to the hospital and it seems it's adhesions from the c section.

I have been sexually abused as a child and I am beginning to disclose this to family so they can protect their children from that person.

If you saw me you wouldn't think I am not feeling great, because I am good at hiding how I feel and after seeing one of my friends crying, I did not have the heart to tell her all those bad things happening to me too, because I didn't want to upset her even more.

That sounds like an utterly shit week. At least you can come here and say what's so wrong. Being a 'strong' person who is the one who always supports others can be a real burden at times.

Is there anyone at all in RL that you could talk to?

have NC for this

Keema Not really, called a friend and she also had lots of problems and I really couldn't talk to her. It was me again offering support.

You should go to your GP, ask for help, its what they are there for - i suffer from anxiety disorder, i would be devestated if my DP didn't share his worries with me. It would sort of make me worry more, if that makes sense. Maybe you could talk to him? Bottling things up is not going to help you. ARe you having counselling regarding the sexual abuse? I hope so - that is a lot to process. There is no shame in asking for medical help.

You sound like a lovely caring person, but you know, you have to look after your own mental health, and it is ok to tell people you are struggling. Don't add to your own problems with other peoples if you don't feel you can cope. You wouldnt expect them to do it, so don't do it yourself (easier said than done i know). There is always someone here to talk, especially on the mental health section of the board, you don't need to be talking about an actual mental health disorder, mental health is all about wellbeing. You will receive lots of support there, also the samaritans are there if you need a human voice. I post lots on the mental health board, it helps me unload and i dont have to feel guilty about pressuring loved ones. xx

I think you need to be honest with your friends - give them a chance. Friendship is about mutual support, it's not a one way street.

It sounds like you are having a really rubbish time.

Be kind to yourself. By all means talk on here but I think you should talk to your RL friends. Xxx

LEMis Thank you, I think I will stop trying to be the strong one.

My DH has breathing problems at the moment and he wakes up (and wakes me up) at least 3 times at night because of his anxiety. He had a panic attack earlier and I do not think I could share something that will make him feel worse (he doesn't know the extent the abuse I suffered as a child).

I will go to my GP, but I am afraid he will just put it as PND and I have friends who suffer from PND, and I do not have it.

Will put this in the mental health board, thank you again.

Speaking from experience, the Samaritans really helped me at a time when I was really low for various reasons, and just needed someone to listen. They were totally non-judgey, in fact thinking back I don't think their person really said much, but they were there while I poured it all out, and they listened, and I really did feel better afterwards, just for having got everything "off my chest" so to speak.
It might be worth giving them a call, just to vent/get it all out in a secure way iykwim, and then if you feel a bit better, make some practical plans to see the GP or whatever you decide to do. Just as a first step, telling someone who is only there to listen to you can be so therapeutic.

Thank you Pom Will ring the Samaritans when I am on my own at home.