To find this a joke?

[cls77]

ExDH has only recently started seeing DD for 7hrs on alternate Sundays, she gets a text or two in between visits and I have been encouraging her since he left a year ago to answer his texts and try and arrange to see him (she's 11). As of last week CSA have begun taking payment along with a small amount towards a moderate arrears (due to being in and out of work) from him, which has been a battle.

DD returns tonight and says her dad told her when he sees her in two weeks to ask mummy for some money and bring it with her so he can do something with her, as he hasn't got any money now mummy has it all from the CSA!!!!

Ouch

Agree, at the very least he should not be involving your daughter in such discussions. Not something she should be part of at all.

Wow

That is beyond disgusting! I'd be having strong words with him. But surely your dd is old enough to know that he's chatting shite? What an awful man.

What a tosser!

That's the problem though Fair DD is trying so hard to be in his life, and it doesn't help that his new gf has 2 kids if her own that stick to him like glue (dds words!) it's so upsetting to see her upset with him, but how can I reassure her without slagging him off to her?

WOW! send her with a pack up for her lunch and a googled list of free stuff in your area, such as libraries, museums, parks, if she has a year membership of anything in her name send her with that, round these parts when you pay to go into a zoo you get a year ticket in each persons name,
also if she fancies swimming send her with her admission not his, this would be my first option as he then has to show what a toss pot he is in not taking her...but then again not go back to my first suggestion.

grrrrr!! what a complete shit of a person. no sense of duty towards his own child that he created? does he not get that he is responsible for her? what does he think would happen if you upped and abandoned her/died/whatever? he would have to find the money to look after her. what a prick. this makes me so angry. I've heard so much of this sort of carry on over the past few years.

What MissingMum said. That's a great idea. He's just making a point and using a child is an appalling way to do it! I assume there are parks etc in his local area?

The best thing you can do is try to ignore it. I know it's really difficult to do when you see your child so upset by their other parent.

It's ludicrous I know! He's deluded as apparently I get all the benefits and he's hard done by (incidentally I work full time and the only benefit I get is Child Ben) I knew he was a tosser but to involve her in this way is so unfair and makes me furious, I just don't know how to deal with it?
Although the packed lunch option seems good as he didn't bother to feed her AT ALL today!!! Wanker!

He didn't feed her? that's unacceptable.

he didn't feed her? was there food in the house for her to help herself too? if not then I wouldn't be letting her go back. if she is there for 7 hours he should be providing at least one meal, probably two depending on what time she arrives and leaves at.

Very difficult for you. In terms of talking to her about him but not putting him down I favour a sort of listening and reflecting approach with Dd (who has sometimes had some issues with her dad....very different situation but anyway). She will say "Whenever I see him all he does is talk about himself, he doesn't even ask me what I've been up to" and even though I'm thinking "yes, he just does this and it bloody pisses me off" I say "Does he? Mmmm, how do you feel about that?". What else can you do? You can try to point out some of his better points but I don't think it's helpful to pretend it's not happening...not that you're doing that but you know what I mean!

Missingmum has it sorted with regards to the packed lunch and free stuff though.....what kind of dad doesn't feed his DD!!

Well he took her to a coffee shop so thought a cup of milk and a biscuit was plenty to keep her going? He is seriously bonkers and I am particularly dreading the next few months as he's planning of taking DD for her first holiday abroad, with gf and her 2 children. I really need to ring that passport office to get a note out on or something (would just like to be involved when getting her first passport) I just don't trust him :(

he cannot get her a passport without your signature though can he? why do you feel you need to get a note out on it?

Does she even want to go? Is the contact court ordered?

what sort of a note on her passport?

why cant you apply for the passport?

what don't you trust him with in regards to the passport/holiday? and if you don't trust him then don't under any circumstances let it go ahead.

No. If he can't feed her when she's with him for the day, then he can't be trusted to take her on holiday.

Imperial that's my point he can't and never does put her first when he's with her, he's lost her in shops and she's had to ask the cashier to call his mobile (which she knows in her head) if he takes her shopping and she wants to go into a shop that he doesn't he sends her in on her own and says he will wait outside, many a time she will come back out to find him not there. He's lost her at the park and she's walked home (when we were still together and not long moved, DD knew the area better than him!) the only thing that reassures me is that she's 11 and sensible, but put another country into the mix with him who has additional/new priorities now and god knows what could happen?
Someone on here the other day said I could get a note put on at passports? But I don't know how it all works?
Youthecat what's a contact court?
Sorry pretty new to all this :(

Thanks for the advice lovely people, I have today applied for DD passport myself!