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Original poster

5 year old playing with guns

29 replies

westbest · 13/10/2013 08:51

I am interested in views on this. My DH bought our DS a toy cowboy gun and a nerf gun. I have always said that I didnt want to have 'toy' guns in the house & we had a big row about it.

Now 2 different people (childminder and playdate parent) have commented that DS talks about guns a lot. I am very cross about it as I now feel we have to undo this & I have confiscated them and am gently encouraging other interests.

DH thinks I am making a fuss and that all little boys play with guns. Am interested in views on this as I dont think I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
meditrina · 13/10/2013 08:56

No-one thinks they are being unreasonable.

Playing with guns, especially lovely big shiny ones that are obviously a toy, is a phase many children go through as part of totally normal fantasy play. That's when sticks etc become guns.

Now if you want to ban play that involves "purpose of death" then that's your choice, but I hope for the sake of consistency that pirates, swords, bows and arrows, Star Wars, light sabres etc etc are similarly barred.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 13/10/2013 09:00

Ive never bought mine guns, however they range from 18 down to 8 months and ive lost count of the number of guns that we have acquired somehow over the years!

Its a phase many of them go through, if they dont have a gun they will make one out of a stick in my experience.

Fakebook · 13/10/2013 09:00

DH thinks I am making a fuss and that all little boys play with guns.

I played with guns growing up and dd has 2 nerf guns and another arrow shooting type gun. I haven't succumbed to the gang and gun culture in 30 years and I don't think my dd will either. Infact my older brother used to own an air gun and I grew up shooting coke cans in our back garden.

What do you think will happen if he plays with guns?

ImagineJL · 13/10/2013 09:01

I'm not a fan of guns, and swore that I wouldn't buy them for the DSs. But now I think you just can't fight testosterone!

DS1 lived happily in a gun-free world until he was nearly 7 I think, and then all his friends had them, and he wanted one too. He would make a gun out of anything - Lego, cardboard, toast, anything. Gradually I have had to relent, first with water pistols, and now we have an armoury of Nerf guns etc.

DS2 is 3 years younger, so of course he was exposed to guns at an earlier age. For a while I insisted the DS1 only played with his guns out of sight of DS2, but of course they want to play together, so inevitably they play with guns together.

I'd be the first to admit I am (or was) quite precious about the whole gun issue, but even I have become desensitised. To be honest I think you just have to go with the flow. Having said that, I can entirely see where you're coming from, and I too would try and steer your DS towards other things if possible, but probably not have a total gun ban, as that may make them more desirable due to being forbidden.

Original poster
westbest · 13/10/2013 09:04

I just don't like hearing my 5 year old constantly talking about shooting and killing etc but maybe I am being naive.

OP posts:
Original poster
westbest · 13/10/2013 09:06

But yes, thats a good point about banning them might make them more desirable!

OP posts:
42notTrendy · 13/10/2013 09:08

I was dead set against ds ever playing with guns. But, we too have acquired them over the years. And I've watched him play 'guns' with sticks, fingers, a banana etc. I think it's nature and the friends they play with. If I should feel uncomfortable with it, I'd talk to him but to be honest it's a game. And I seem to remember making Lego guns when I was little and I've turned out ok. Grin

sonlypuppyfat · 13/10/2013 09:09

They are only pretending its just play. How many farmers etc grow up to have real guns? They don't end up as murderers.

Fakebook · 13/10/2013 09:10

You don't have to allow him to talk about killing people! Dd has never mentioned she wants to kill someone with her guns. She's also 5. If she ever did, I'd explain that we use guns sensibly. something along those lines. Why don't you build a little shooting range for him in the garden with cans and things?

YoniBottsBumgina · 13/10/2013 09:10

It doesn't make any difference. DS doesn't own any guns but he makes them out of lego, paper, everything. It's a phase they go through at about this age - it's probably worse when they suspect that you object to it.

I understand your reluctance as I think the idea of children playing with toy guns is horrendous but there is too much conditioning to fight it. If I think back, I used to play with guns as a child and I can't stand them now - at his age he doesn't really get the implications of killing or maiming someone, it's just "bang bang, you're dead!", get up a second later and carry on the game.

I must admit I prefer nerf guns and water guns as the idea of them is to actually shoot something which the other person has to avoid ie being a game in itself rather than being a game which is, actually, about killing.

meditrina · 13/10/2013 09:11

"I just don't like hearing my 5 year old constantly talking about shooting and killing etc ."

That's more likely to come from the playground and from what is seen on screen.

bigTillyMint · 13/10/2013 09:12

FWIW, I don't think letting them have/play with toy guns will make them into a gun-crazed loon.

We didn't buy our DC guns as we didn't like the aggressive play/chat that seemed to go with them. Some friends agreed, some thought we were mad. DS sometimes played with friends and their toy guns, or used sticks as guns!
They are now teens DD has never shown any interest in guns. DS did buy himself one aged about 9/10 - one those toy ones you get in supermarkets in France. He is not bothered about getting a nerf gun and is not really interested in x-box gun-games like CoD- just Fifa, Fifa, Fifa!

feelingvunerable · 13/10/2013 09:16

I never bought my ds guns.

I think there is a difference between giving a child a gun and them pretending something else is a gun. The same as a child trying on mum's high heels is different to actually buying a child a pair of high heeled shoes.
Therefore I agree with you.

PirateJelly · 13/10/2013 09:20

DS has had an entire armoury of guns since about 3, every type you could think of. He has never mentioned killing anyone and knows that even though they are toys he is not to point them at people or animals. And you know what at the grand old age of 4.5 he never plays with any of them anymore because they are 'boring' (his words) I've never seen him make a gun out of sticks or anything else. I feel perhaps we saturated his gun interest and they are no longer disirable.

However his friend who has never been allowed guns is completely obsessed and runs around killing people with sticks and Lego guns and uses really quite violent language to describe his gun play. I don't know if there's anything in it but that's our experience.

harticus · 13/10/2013 09:20

We don't do guns and swords and all that bollocks. And I always intervene if there is lots of chat about killing etc. Nobody I know has toy weapons or has ever bought them as gifts either . I can only hope that, like golliwogs, they are being consigned to the shitheap of history.

We have always been part of protest organisations that oppose arms trade etc and that is how my kids are being raised - to be aware of the reality of violence and war.
Seeing little kids running round with plastic AK47s makes me heave.

YoniBottsBumgina · 13/10/2013 09:23

I don't think it's nature, BTW. No way. It's just that the idea of it seems fun when you don't think about the idea of someone actually getting killed or injured. Nerf type guns in particular. Having to aim soft projectiles at someone/trying to get out of the way is fun. Explosions are fascinating - do you like watching fireworks, ever watched any of those programmes like mythbusters etc where they blow stuff up which is nothing to do with people getting hurt? I think it's a shame that this kind of toy has ended up being made in the shape of a gun specifically, though. I'm sure you could have the principle without all the faux machinas etc.

Plus when you look, really and actually look, at the stuff which is aimed at boys of this age, it's all guns, aggression, macho "I can defeat you!", alpha "I must prove I am the strongest", good vs evil by virtue of force, and girls are exposed to this too - some of the "boys'" stuff obviously appeals to them too and a lot of the gender neutral programmes etc also revolve around fighting, defeating, competition. Just watch one advert break on a weekend morning children's TV slot or channel. At this age they are desperately seeking to find out what being a boy means and everything which is aimed at boys is giving them this message.

YoniBottsBumgina · 13/10/2013 09:26

Far from it harticus I think it's getting worse :( I find it really bizarre that we're all so desensitised to it that we don't find it shocking. If we see pictures of child soldiers in poor countries we find that shocking, so why not children running around playing at war? Even worse in some ways in a peaceful country like ours where they are not exposed to violence by necessity. Why do we choose to bring it in? :(

harticus · 13/10/2013 09:30

Absolutely Yoni. Very well put.

Athrawes · 13/10/2013 09:35

I was adamant that we would not be having guns. Then swords crept in. And light sabres. Then he saw the deer that the gun had shot, all tongue hanging out. Then ate the deer. And liked it. So we still don't have play guns to shoot people because he fully understands that they kill. But there are still sticks that he pretends are guns and mummy or daddy have to pretend to be the animal, including lying down while he skins you! He just turned three.

Morgause · 13/10/2013 09:38

We had a ban on realistic looking guns. We compromised on "space guns" because they looked nothing like the real thing and were complete fantasy.

I see no play value in realistic looking guns. Seems very creepy to me.

Stillhopingstillhere · 13/10/2013 09:42

My ds is 4.4 and obsessed with guns, swords and killing. He's had no exposure at all at home to anything violent, still watches nick jr so not even Ben 10 or batman or anything.

And yet still he's obsessed. It's only been the last couple of months and I'm hoping it is a short phase but I fear not! He likes guns but swords are his weapon of choice. He has some foam swords which he plays with all the time. I have got him a laser gun for christmas I have to admit. He will love it. Small children, especially small boys, have always played with guns I think.

Before having ds I probably would have said I wouldn't buy guns etc but I guess I've just accepted it's going to happen, ds uses sticks as swords, blocks as guns, flags as an axe.

Stillhopingstillhere · 13/10/2013 09:43

Oh and the guns we have aren't realistic, they are like space guns. Not real scary guns.

sashh · 13/10/2013 09:54

They were banned in our house when we were growing up, until we got pocket money and bought our own.

Not having guns didn't stop us playing at shooting people. Gassing them, blowing them up ........... er we must have been fairly odd kids looking back.

Chocovore · 13/10/2013 09:58

Ours have toy guns. Not allowed to use the word 'kill' though. We use zap, splat, squirt, etc.

DrCoconut · 13/10/2013 10:00

My DS has a toy musket. We go to re enactments and I think it's far better that any mystery about guns and war is dealt with by responsible people early rather than macho twits later on.