aibu to want my friend to listen to my moaning/bitching too...

[alwaysworryingmum]

Sorry, bit long-winded.

I always listen to my friend moaning about her job, boyfriend, family etc.

It does wear me down, sometimes I'm bored of listening to the same old shit endlessly repeated in multiple variations.

I listen to her and let her have their say, though. I would never interrupt and say I can't bear to listen anymore to them bitching about others and how what they are saying is getting me upset and giving me an headache.

Today I sat listening to my friend moan about her boyfriend, her job and then her house and garden and then not long before she left I had a moan.

My friend then said that my ranting was giving her a headache and I was being really bitchy. I did get fairly agitated when I was telling her what had happened but I feel upset about it. She said I brought it all on myself my sticking my nose in.

She then told me she didn't want to hear any more and that I was being really self-righteous and nasty about it.

What the fXXXX am I doing wrong in my 'moaning'?

I can't work out if I was being a bitch - I thought I was just saying what had happened.

This is what I was moaning about....

I've had problems this week with a colleague. She had upset quite a few people and I privately talked to her about her behavior - but she was still told off my management as she ignored my warning and continued with her bad attitude - I did not report her - someone else made a complaint and she knows this; she has gone on to have a totally unnecessary rant about a project she pretended not to know I'd been responsible for.

She sabotaged the final bit by rushing my handover (so obviously knew who was responsible for the work as she requested it asap directly from me) - the final bits were simple to fix but she then made out that she had spent ages correcting my mistakes - when it's fairly obvious that she had no reason to rush the handover and the final bits that needed doing took minutes to fix - mostly biro over pencil marks and she could have easily asked me directly to sort it out...

It was obvious to everyone in the meeting that she was annoyed at me and was trying to get me into trouble. I'm not worried about the consequences. I'm just hurt that she's acted this way as I was trying to help her and a bit shocked she was such a cow.

YANBU

My friend is like this too. For years and years I've listened and supported her through all her woes and difficulties. Then a few weeks ago I was in a really bad place and for the first time really needed someone to talk to. She did the same, didn't want to hear it. I was more upset at her response than the situation I was in.

My partner says she's self-obsessed and she only really gets in touch when she has problems. He says I'm stuck in the older sister/mother role and that's how he's always seen the friendship.

I know they don't really get on but I'm beginning to believe he's right. He says she's been rude to him in the past and doesn't really listen to what he's saying. He thinks I'm a mug for putting up with it and thinks she's been really rude to me this evening.

I am more upset by my friend than what happened at work. I really doubted myself and my behavior because of my friends response to it.

YANBU - I had a 'friend' like that - her marriage split up so she decided that as I was single it was okay to come and spend most evenings and every weekend at my house for a couple of years slagging off her ex-H. My cousin (who was only 45) was dying at the time and she even texted me on the day of his funeral! If possible can you just fuck her off and stop taking her calls?

My partner says she's not changed; it's always been this way and she has very poor coping skills whereas I just get on with things.

I think we used to have a friendship rather than this dysfunctional one-way support system that currently exists.

I'll be more distance with her and less receptive to her 'tales of woe' from now on.