Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To consider buying this house ?

43 replies

chinainyourhand · 12/10/2013 21:52

Firstly I would like to point out that at no time was my dd ever purposely deceived . Is just happened .

My dh is not my 8 yo bio dad . She doesn't know this . Dh and I split up and I got pg to a n abusive sociopath . I got back together when dd was a toddler . Dd called him by his name at first then "daddy name" then the name got dropped . It's all been very natural and nothing was planned or forced . They absolutely love each other and we have a dc together now so I am continually worrying about when it comes out because I don't want to change their relationship and I don't want her to feel different to her sibling . I know it is going to come out at some time but this is not it (and I'm sure another thread)

Anyway we have been house hunting . My aunt has to sell up as she needs to go into a nursing home . I would love to buy her house it is exactly what we are looking for . But ... It's diagonally across the street from the block of flats DDs bio dad lived and I think still lives (I have no idea I've not heard anything about him since dd was a baby)

The thing that is making me think it will be ok is that there is a huge car park at the back where dd would play and we would come in and out the back door .

WWYD ? Am I just brining trouble to my door ?

(Ps I am a regular name change as I've never even admitted on mn that dd is not DHs . Pps I didn't realise that would be so long thanks for reading this far)

OP posts:

VivaLeThrustBadger · 12/10/2013 21:54

Can't you find out where he lves now?

If you can't or if he does live there then yeah I wouldn't buy it.

Original poster

chinainyourhand · 12/10/2013 21:57

Probably should have said if he doesn't live there now I'm certain his mum still will . I have no idea how I would find out i can't think of anyone that I know I could ask .

OP posts:

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 12/10/2013 21:58

I think you need to find out if the bio dad is still living there before you do anything else. Seriously. You could be inviting all kinds of trouble if you say 'to heck with it' and move in. You don't know what's happened in his life in the intervening eight years, but considering he has no contact with you or his daughter, suggests nothing much has changed. Do you really want an 'abusive sociopath' to be able to doorstep you, or say things to your DD?

If you can't find out, I'd suggest not taking the risk.

TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 12/10/2013 21:58

No way.

Ruprekt · 12/10/2013 21:59

Google his name and the area of where he lives will come up.

sarascompact · 12/10/2013 22:01

No way. There are other houses, there's surely plenty of time to find the perfect one just like your aunt's but which isn't within spitting range of someone who could wreck your lives or harm you and your daughter.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 12/10/2013 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrandpaInMyBlender · 12/10/2013 22:11

No no no. Just asking for trouble really!

bimbabirba · 12/10/2013 22:14

What exactly has he done to be labelled like he has?
If he deserves the label then I'm surprised you're even considering it? no house is worth your family's safety or peace.

Smartiepants79 · 12/10/2013 22:15

Unless you are prepared to right now sit down and tell your daughter her history then you nee to find somewhere else to live.
Can you imagine the awful, heartbreaking fall out from her being told all this by someone else?
Find another house.

Flojobunny · 12/10/2013 22:15

No way. Don't do it. Doesn't sound like the perfect home to me anyway. Opposite a block of flats that houses low life's and a car park at the rear for DC to play in
Plenty other, nicer places I'm sure.

Original poster

chinainyourhand · 12/10/2013 22:18

Yeah I know all this stuff I just really needed someone else to tell me . Not really a door a want to open right now . Or ever actually but i know I will have to at some point .

OP posts:

facedontfit · 12/10/2013 22:18

NO NO NO

RandyGiles · 12/10/2013 22:20

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but forget about the house. Find somewhere else. I understand the panic about finding somewhere to live, but you'd be putting your DD at risk and it's not worth it.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 12/10/2013 22:22

I wouldn't - no way. Also, are you sure you can't do better for the money? Carpark to play in?

I also think that you need to tell your DD now, as hard as it will be now, the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. It is the sort of thing kids should just grow up knowing - it's a shame you didn't make her aware of it when she was younger. I know you didn't want her to feel 'different' but there is never going to be a good time to tell someone this... so the sooner, the better.

Donkeyok · 12/10/2013 22:24

Is she giving you a huge discount or else I'd be looking else where.
He could have looked you up before now. He doesn't pay towards her?
Would you be living in fear everyday. You better find out where he lives and if his mum is there.

comewinewithmoi · 12/10/2013 22:25

No just no. Never mind the half sub, getting in a relationship when teens etc.

Wishfulmakeupping · 12/10/2013 22:26

Never in a million years you will literally be bringing trouble to your door don't even think about it

comewinewithmoi · 12/10/2013 22:26

Also location? Opp block if flats?

Tiptops · 12/10/2013 22:29

Don't do it. So not worth the risk of bringing trouble to your door, then the related stress of that situation plus trying to find a new home.

LegoAcupuncture · 12/10/2013 22:31

I wouldn't. Given you don't know if your ex still lives there or if he would stir up trouble, definitely no.

And to bring up the first issue regarding your dd and your DH, please tell her sooner rather than later. I was told aged 19 that my dad wasn't my biological dad and it had such a negative impact on me. Would have been much easier hearing it as a child.

Original poster

chinainyourhand · 12/10/2013 22:34

Will try to answer posts I can remember I'm on app

I say a car park but really it's massive and two cars park in it . Only I've been around the area my whole I I'd probably think the same .

we would pay tea asking price but it's way below market value for a quick sale .

comewine I'm sorry but I'm not sure what your posts are trying to say ? Not being defensive or anything I'm just genuinely unsure could you explain further please ? (Sorry think I'm just being a bit thick)

I don't actually think he would ever come to my door I mean he could easily find us now I live in a town with a two mile radius and I've never heard from him . He really doesn't want to know her and that's the way Iike it . But knowing he is just across the street I think it would creep me out and make me nervous .

I think I will try and find out if he's still there. And if he is or I can't ill just forget about it .

OP posts:

quoteunquote · 12/10/2013 22:35

Does this man know he is the father of your child?

He may or may not live there, but if you are in the same town, your paths are going to cross sooner or later,

I would tell your daughter as soon as possible, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be for her to take on board.

RandyGiles · 12/10/2013 22:36

If it's way below market value could you sell it on?

Original poster

chinainyourhand · 12/10/2013 22:36

lego I'm definitely not waiting until she is an adult . She is very emotionally immature so I don't think she could process it very well just now . I'm hoping to tell her when she's a bit older but before she is a stroppy teenager .

OP posts:

Flip

1 2