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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaids

17 replies

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/10/2013 18:55

It's ok to not have family at all right? I don't have sisters just two female cousins who I am not close to. It didn't even cross my mind to have them as bridesmaids. However my grandmother intimated she was not at all happy with this and I was doing the wrong thing.

I'm just having two of my closest friends. This is totally fine surely?

OP posts:
teaandcakesagoodmummakes · 12/10/2013 18:58

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

CoffeeTea103 · 12/10/2013 19:02

I think it's probably the old fashioned way of have family first in the bridal party. But if you are not close to them then definitely include your friends.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/10/2013 19:04

Have whoever you like! You don't have to have family at all.

Don't forget your bridesmaids are there to support you on the day so you need to pick the people you feel will best do this. If that's your friends then so be it.

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 12/10/2013 19:05

We're not close at all. Not for any particular reason, our lives just have nothing to do with each other's. Bar being related we have nothing in common.

My Nan can be difficult (euphemism) and was an absolute horror when my mum was engaged to my dad by all accounts (except her own). I'm not keen on having her dictate anything to me but she's more than capable of just not coming if she doesn't like what's being done.

She detests the fact it won't be a church wedding for example. Despite knowing I am not in the slightest bit religious Hmm

OP posts:
Summerblaze · 12/10/2013 19:07

If you are not close to them I don't see why you should have them and why your grandmother isn't happy. Does she think you are closer than you are or are you i each other lives but just don't really gel with them.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/10/2013 19:08

Well let her get on with it. You can't please everyone. I do get very annoyed with family members feeling they can dictate other people's weddings. You could threaten to elope instead!

Original poster
Alisvolatpropiis · 12/10/2013 19:22

Summer I'm not really sure what she would consider to be close but I only ever see one of my cousins when at my Nans house and the other I have only since a handful of times in the better part of 20 years (long story). I think that by virtue we are "closely related" she considers us to be close

OP posts:
Summerblaze · 12/10/2013 19:43

If you haven't seen them socially or spent lots of time in each others company then I wouldn't worry.

They obviously haven't been too worried about keeping family ties either.

Have people who are going to be there to support you and who you will feel comfortable with.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 12/10/2013 21:21

Nope, have who you want to. And tell her if she's so horrified no one is holding a gun to her head and she doesn't actually have to come, I found that shuts people up pretty quickly, a reminder that actually, their presence is not the most important part of your day Shock

Also, if you are not close to them they probably don't actually want to be bridesmaids!

ZingDollyChops · 12/10/2013 21:22

totally fine. your choice.

I wonder if your grandmother is hitting that you should ask her!Grin Grin Grin

ZingDollyChops · 12/10/2013 21:23

*hinting

not hitting

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 12/10/2013 21:23

YANBU Ignore your grandmother. If she wishes to throw a tantrum that's her problem.

BrokenSunglasses · 12/10/2013 21:25

My Nan is lovely, but she too thought that my wedding was all wrong because my cousins weren't ushers and bridesmaids. Nor did my uncle give me away (my Dad died), which in her mind seemed to be the social equivalent of spitting in the vicars face.

I decided to put it down to being an old person thing, because my nan really is wonderful in many ways, and she's normally lovely and kind and generous. She just couldn't get her head around the concept of couples hosting their own weddings and not revolving it around relatives.

MissStrawberry · 12/10/2013 21:27

Have who you want!

I had no family give me away. No family on the top table. Only one family member actually at the wedding.

A child I nannied for was my page boy and his parents were on my top table and his dad gave me away.

Different circumstances as I have no family to do those roles but no one died and the world didn't end because I couldn't follow some old rules.

Donkeyok · 12/10/2013 21:32

You have got to look at that photo on your mantelpiece for a long time.
If its not right its going to piss you off for a long time.
I didn't have any bridesmaids just 3 adorable little nephews.

Eldestoffive · 12/10/2013 21:35

Without reading any further give up now, I got married in July, it was a very simple wedding but besieged by setbacks, the marquee blew over my neighbours had to rescue the garden, the chef phoned an hour before the ceremony cancelling and the heavens opened as I walked out of the church........none of it mattered! It was wonderful! Just make them pay for their own damn dresses!!!!!

ZingDollyChops · 12/10/2013 21:37

sunglasses

Grin @ social equivalent of spitting in the vicars face

excellent choice of words!Thanks

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