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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let DD go on holiday

21 replies

MiaWallace · 11/10/2013 20:21

Ex wants to take on DD on holiday. He has recently lost his job and reduced maintenance form £300 to £150.

Dh works away for 12 days out of a fortnight to provide help provide for me and DD.

AIBU to say if you can't afford to cover the basics such as childcare, food and clothing then you can't afford to take DD on holiday. The £150 doesn't even cover childcare so me and DH are covering everything else.

We haven't been able to afford an holiday for years.

Ex partners newest girlfriend is offering to pay for the holiday.

AIBU?

OP posts:

NotYoMomma · 11/10/2013 20:29

yab petty

he has lost his job (you havent mentioned he quit it to spite you)

why would you stop your dd spending tine with her father?

NickNacks · 11/10/2013 20:30

How would you feel if he refused to 'let' you take your dd somewhere?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 11/10/2013 20:32

YABU and spiteful.

RandomMess · 11/10/2013 20:33

YABU - your ex isn't even paying for it!!!! How wonderful that your dd will get to go on holiday even if it isn't with you.

curlew · 11/10/2013 20:34

What would your justification be?

Bowlersarm · 11/10/2013 20:35

YABU. Sorry, but your taking your anger out on your dd.

wannakillem · 11/10/2013 20:35

I can appreciate the fact that you now have a reduction in maintenance but this shouldn't prevent your dd from having a holiday with her dad.

Original poster

MiaWallace · 11/10/2013 20:36

Okay. I appreciate your opinions and will reconsider

OP posts:

DurhamDurham · 11/10/2013 20:40

He's going on holiday with his gf anyway so the only person who would miss out is your dd. I do not understand your logic.

Louise1956 · 11/10/2013 20:40

if the girlfriend is paying, that seems fair enough. Why grudge your daughter a holiday with her father?

VonHerrBurton · 11/10/2013 20:41

Wow. Yabu. Very unreasonable.

You are basically thinking of doing your dd out of a holiday because your ex has lost his job? So what if the gf is paying? As long as she is nice to your dd it makes no difference who pays.

What reason would you give her for 'not letting' her go?

HaroldLloyd · 11/10/2013 20:42

Let her go, not knowing any history, its nice of the girlfriend to include your DD.

Not letting her go will not improve your finances, letting her go will give her a treat you don't have to pay for.

mumofweeboys · 11/10/2013 21:58

Is it the fact it's a new gf that's annoying you too?

BrokenSunglasses · 11/10/2013 22:06

YABVU, but I think you know that.

It's going to feel like a kick in the stomach when he can go on holiday after reducing his maintenance payment, but if he has been paying £300 a month for one child up until now then it's not as if he's been trying to get out of paying for his daughter.

You need to get over how you feel about it and let your child have her relationship with her Dad.

Donkeyok · 11/10/2013 22:36

God he hardly gets any quality time with her if he works 12 out of 14 days. This could be a wonderful bonding opportunity. You are probably a tinsy bit jealous. Not a good look. He's not paying for it. Dd sounds in need and you can have a break while she's off really a win win.

Onesleeptillwembley · 11/10/2013 22:48

He's not 'affording it'. You sound really spiteful. Let her have the holiday and grow up.

DontCallMeDaughter · 11/10/2013 22:51

Some of these responses have been a bit harsh.... I think is be a bit fucked off if ex dh swanned off on holiday when we were struggling to make ends meet.

But I still think you should let her go, it's not her fault he lost his job and she shouldn't be punished for it.

OneStepCloser · 11/10/2013 23:26

I can see why your frustrated, but I would really reconsider letting your DD go with him, its for her benefit.

MortifiedAdams · 11/10/2013 23:28

YABU about the holiday.

But now he is not working, cant he provide the childcare?!

FunkyBoldRibena · 11/10/2013 23:34

It's not the ex that works away, it's the OP's husband.

peppapigmustdie · 11/10/2013 23:41

If after losing his job he is still paying £150 a month and not the £5 a week he is legally obliged to pay from jsa then you are very lucky. Yabvu especially if he isn't the one paying.

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