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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel upset about this...

17 replies

mewmeow · 11/10/2013 20:18

Nursery rang me today about my three year old dd who has a large bruise on her thigh. I noticed it last night when I was giving her a bath, but when I asked her about it she just said "I was running and running and running and then fell over", so I didn't think anymore about it. Nursery rang today and started questioning me about it and I felt accused like I'd done something wrong or that they clearly thought I'd or someone in the family had caused it! I said I wasn't sure, and that I'd asked her, and as she was at nursery yesterday I asked if it could have happened in the day there. Their reply was "so your saying it happened here?", and I said "no I can't be sure". When dp picked her up they asked him to fill out an incident form, which he tried to and then realised he couldn't answer any of the questions because they were all about when and where the injury happened and he didnt know, so he refused to fill it in. I'm really upset about the whole situation and feel it will cause a rift in what was always a very good relationship and atmosphere. :( I know they have to be careful because of all the instances of abuse going on, so I was just wondering if this is standard precedure, or if they genuinely suspect us of causing injury to our dd in some way :(

OP posts:

OvaryAction · 11/10/2013 20:23

it's protocol, they have to do it my poor nephew burnt his hand on his mum's straightners and she was devastated when the nurses at A&E stripped him to check for other injuries.

YANBU, but try not to worry about it,they'd only be doing anything more than this if a child was repeatedly turning up with unexplained injuries and displayed worrying behaviours. I'm sure the nursery workers are just so wrapped up making sure they do their jobs properly (and who can blame them with the recent news about that poor little boy) that they were a bit inconsiderate of your feelings.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 11/10/2013 20:24

Don't feel upset, they are looking out for your dd and have her best interests at heart. It's much better she is somewhere like that than somewhere they don't give a shit.

They have to be so careful about these things and have to follow procedure and they can't base it on how much they like the parents.

It's really nothing to worry about at all, although I know it feels like it, I have been on both ends of this having worked in a nursery and having had 4 children at nursery.

hiddenhome · 11/10/2013 20:24

Just confidently tell them that it happened there. If they can pass the blame on to you they will. This happened to ds2 when he was at nursery. An older child bit him and left a nasty mark on his arm. The nursery worker tried to claim he'd done it to himself

They won't want the hassle of trying to explain how it happened on their premises, but if your dd has told you she did it there and there has been no accident at home or with a relative, then it's happened there and they need to acknowledge this.

MrsSpencerReid · 11/10/2013 20:26

I always mention any bumps or bruises when I drop DS off then nursery know about them and they don't panic when they discover them!! I'm sure it'll be a total non event in a week or so

nokidshere · 11/10/2013 20:33

Just be honest and say you don't know if it happened at nursery or home and you are not going to start guessing. Children are covered in bumps and bruises most of the time and you are not going to know about all of them. My boys often have massive bruises which look like they must have really hurt themselves but if I ask them where they got them they just shrug and say "I don't know"!!

I would consider it far more suspicious if a parent could account for every mark their child gets.

NotYoMomma · 11/10/2013 20:38

Imagine if they didnt query injuries or bruises though? id rather they at least ask than not give a shit tbh

when dd had a bruise (on her face! ) I took her to nursery and just said that she had had an accident the day before (randomly fell into a coffee table - still no idea how to this day and I had been standing next to her!) and they just said ok.

if it happens again after nursery get in there first (I noticed dd had a big bruise on xyz after Nursery and would appreciate information on any falls she may have)

LadyintheRadiator · 11/10/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrohnicallyLurking · 11/10/2013 21:33

Surely it's not the nursery's job to investigate things like this?? I work in a school, and we are supposed to casually ask child or parent how it happened, if we have concerns they should be passed on to the designated child protection person or on to SS, we shouldn't be questioning parents ourselves.

LimitedEditionLady · 11/10/2013 21:42

Apparently the nursery staff are to tell their manager if they notice anything.we took ds in when he had a bruise on his head when he fell at the park and they just said " ooooh howd he do that?'I understand why its shook you up but i think its just something they have to be so careful of and they are just safeguarding which is part of their responsibility.Accidents happen and i bet your dd did do it falling and unless someone saw they wouldnt have known either.

InsultingBadger · 11/10/2013 21:45

Standard procedure as far as I'm aware. Soft tissue bruising is always higher alert too. Don't worry, procedures like this pick up real abuse which is what's important

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 11/10/2013 21:46

A 3 year old with a single bruise on her leg is not 'cause for concern' it's everyday life with a small child... no idea why they are creating such a fuss over it.

InsultingBadger · 11/10/2013 21:46

Although thinking about it as a childminder I would have passed it on rather than question.

Sunnysummer · 11/10/2013 21:52

It sounds like they are trying to be careful and do the right thing first by checking up on an injury they noticed and after you mentioned that it could have happened at nursery, by making an incident report to ensure that it doesn't happen again (and of course to cover themselves, which is again sensible).

It sounds like a great nursery and there is no need to worry about what is a very standard procedure for them.

DismemberedDwerf · 11/10/2013 22:06

Four kids in and I have lost count the number of times I've asked a child where a bruise has come from to be shrugged at.

Also, I've lost count how many times I've taken a child to school with bruises/ scrapes or whatever and an explanation. I had to take one in with bite marks the other month "Her sister did it...don't worry, the sister has a matching one..." (and these kids are not that young. Yrs 6 and 8).

I think my pinacle was saying to the doctor in A&E, "I have no idea how she ripped her arm open, they were supposed to be tidying their room and were messing around." Three stitches. sigh

I inwardly cheer when they injure themselves at school rather than home. And I took dd2 to the doctors because she kept getting massive bruises over her hips. I knew damn well it was because she had a vein running over the iliac crest, so every time she knocked it... massive massive bruise. I just wanted on record that I was worried about it and wasn't hiding it. I have no idea how she kept knocking it (I suspect the doorframe).

My kids just love A&E (the record is twice in four days). Touch wood, haven't been this year! I've never had anyone mention abuse to me, but I would expect it given the amount of minor injuries my kids have had. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's all part of safeguarding and such.

greenbananas · 11/10/2013 22:22

Sounds like your nursery staff were a bit tactless, and that their child protection procedures could do with looking into. If I was looking after a child who had a bruise like this, I would ask the parents how it happened, and make a note for future reference - I would also have to fill in an "existing injuries" form and get the parents to sign it, but I wouldn't be making a big deal of it. Children do get random bruises in quite innocent circumstances (my 5 year old currently has a big bruise on his bottom and I have no idea exactly when he got it). If the nursery have real child protection concerns, they should be reporting you quietly to social services not haranguing you about paperwork, and possibly putting you on your guard if you really were abusing your child.

Don't worry about this. Nothing will come of it.

deakymom · 12/10/2013 00:10

my son drank disinfectant at his great nans house the other day i was surprised by a phone call from the school nurse she was asking me about the "incident" and then began to ask about his feet i was really confused till i realise she was talking about an incident from 18 months ago when my sons big toe randomly were swollen up and we never found out why we had x-rays and everything done but there was no reason for it! i felt a bit put out she rang me to be honest on my mobile while i was shopping because she couldnt really hear me and i had to speak loudly about him swigging disinfectant thinking it was OJ (long story short he took his cup out like a good boy saw the bottle in a cupboard that was half open and took a sip four hours at casualty resulted in the advice if he passes out call 999) it happens if they really want you to fill in paperwork put in bruise from unidentified accident at nursery it should shut them up

Original poster

mewmeow · 12/10/2013 08:18

Thanks everyone for the replies! Good to know that this appears to be standard procecdure (although slightly over zelous for one bruise, It is a whopper though). The nursery is great and very caring, so they probably are just being careful. I think what got me was they rang me on my mobile, rather than waiting to ask when one of us picked her up. But that was probably to establish it hadnt happened that day. Hopefully this will be the last of it, in my head I'd imagined us being on some kind of high alert programme now or something, expecting a visit from SS!

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