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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think i have shitty friends?

6 replies

howardbear · 11/10/2013 16:56

I have a group of five friends, and I thought the six of us were close and cared for each other until today.

one of the group is 40 this month and I was 'appointed' to be the one who organised a cake and present for said friend.

I researched cake prices, and the cost of a celebration glass (personalised) and msg them all with cost (£15 each).

the first friend to msg back it was a msg sent to everyone basically telling us she had split with husband (and seeing someone new) and that she is not allowed to see any friends at the moment and has no money cos her husband has stopped joint account, so thought fair enough, that answers my question, she cant contribute.

msg all the others, saying in light of her situation would everyone be willing to put £20 in instead, and I could buy some balloons or bubbly with the spare tenner.

one friend txt back straight away and said it was fine and could she pay me back on payday (no problem)

have heard nothing at all the from the other (has been two days)

and the friend who appointed me in the first place has just rung to say I know the first friend has put you in an awkward position, but £20 is far too much to pay.

now here's my issue, two friends have already turned 40 (the one who said it was ok, and the one who's fallen off the face of the earth) and we had a joint collection for them (same thing, cake and glass) and put £15 each into the kitty that time (plus elaborate trips, that we are not doing this time) so I think they are being bloody mean and making me feel like ive done a bad job of trying to organise the thing when I didn't want to do in the first place.

I feel really sorry for the friend who's birthday it is, cos there making it obvious they don't give a shit!!! sorry rant over.

OP posts:
westbest · 11/10/2013 16:59

I would just get your friend a birthday present from you and let the rest of them get on with it!

Nagoo · 11/10/2013 17:02

Yup, just get a present from you.

howardbear · 11/10/2013 17:07

we were all going to get an individual present anyway (well, I was) but because we did cake and glass for the other two, it kind of begun a tradition!

OP posts:
atomicyoghurt · 11/10/2013 17:07

yeah just get a present from you. Or from you and the friend that can't pay just now. Email the others and say that as no-one replied you felt it best that you should go separate on the presents.

LunaticFringe · 11/10/2013 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beastofburden · 11/10/2013 17:24

At 40 I think whether you are close and care for one another ought to be about more than who pays for cake. Money and life go up and down, be flexible, don't equate affection with how the budget is doing this week. Make a cake yourself, send a hug emoticon to all saying, as times are hard and money is shit you will have to put up with my pathetic baking

and wait for the Flowers

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