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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my SIL is taking the piss?

21 replies

setti · 10/10/2013 21:42

SIL has asked me to mind my niece next week in the school holiday week. I didn't have a problem with that, until she told me that she has arranged every day something for her to do- a swimming lesson on Monday, art class on Tuesday etc etc. I was going to take my niece somewhere nice and give her something to do every day, but I really don't want to be dictated to like this. AIBU?

OP posts:

ihatethecold · 10/10/2013 21:44

She is taking the piss massively.

JessicaLundge · 10/10/2013 21:46

I wouldn't see it like that. It structures the time and means you're not responsible for entertaining her 100% of the time. I'd be v pleased with that arrangement!

Original poster

setti · 10/10/2013 21:48

Jessica that's what I was afraid of people saying! On one hand she's done all this and paid for it, but I've got my week planned out so I can get everything done.

OP posts:

FryOneFatManic · 10/10/2013 21:51

I assume the childcare you are providing is free, so she's really taking the piss if she's arranging all these things without checking with you whether they are possible, or whether they clash with any of your plans.

I wouldn't be happy if my SIL tried this on. I'd be happy to provide childcare but I would not be dictated to as I could have other plans.

puntasticusername · 10/10/2013 21:51

She might just be trying to help by making sure you have things to do every day and you're not stuck for entertainment. Difficult to know just on the info given. If I was in her shoes, I might be thinking I was asking for quite a lot of childcare from you, so I'd be going possibly overboard like this in trying to make things as easy for you as I could!

Though I hope she is paying for all these activities? If she's expecting you to, that's a bit different!

xuntitledx · 10/10/2013 21:52

I think the intention was nice but very rude of her to arrange your week without speaking to you about it.

Can you re-arrange your week to get everything done and still attend the classes?

If you wanted to make a point, you could cancel something on one day and explain to SIL that it clashed with something you'd already arranged but might not be worth kicking up a fuss if you can accommodate?

Original poster

setti · 10/10/2013 22:00

Oh yes she's paying! I've not got to meet anyone or have any appointments, just things like doing my shopping on Tuesday morning, dropping my mum off at various places. I'm not sure of where some of the places are so it's likely we'll have to leave about an hour in advance, which means I'll need to hang about.

I'm not massively keen on making a fuss, it's just inconvenient.

OP posts:

AndHarry · 10/10/2013 22:08

It was rude of her not to discuss it with you first but I think she's probably done it to give you a break each day. Google the locations beforehand so you won't need to leave so early!

Alanna1 · 10/10/2013 22:08

Why don't you talk to her? I imagine she wouldn't mind if you say you plan to do (x) instead. When my DD1's godmother looked after her for 2 days I had a little list of the things she could do (it gets boring, right...) and she very politely told me what she wanted to do instead :) - which I was absolutely fine with!

Kiwiinkits · 10/10/2013 22:22

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt TBH. She was probably trying to find things that would keep your niece busy and less annoying for you!

DinoSnores · 11/10/2013 09:15

I would have seen that her trying to give you a break from constantly entertaining her.

sparkle12mar08 · 11/10/2013 09:18

I can see that she's trying to be helpful but I'd be very irritated at being taken for granted like that, and if there was something I didn't want to rearrange, I wouldn't, and SIL would have to sort out paid childcare for that day. She has been extremely inconsiderate and rude by not discussing it in partnership with you first.

starfishmummy · 11/10/2013 09:23

She probably meant well but has gone overboard - and she would have consulted you.
My sil does this when mil goes to stay to look after her kids. Mil doesn't drive and is run ragged catching buses to deliver two kids to various activities every day.

MammaTJ · 11/10/2013 09:23

I think she is trying to make it easy for you.

BrokenSunglasses · 11/10/2013 09:27

You are doing her a favour, if you don't want to go to some of these places then don't. You are not a nanny that she is employing.

I agree she might be trying to make it easy for you to fill the days with a child, but if it won't work for you then tell her, and she will just have to accept it.

whitemonkey · 11/10/2013 09:29

Sounds as though she has asked you to be her child's taxi rather than looking after her. I would ask her to cancel a couple of these activities and explain that you would like to spend time with her rather than just ferry her around.

perplexedpirate · 11/10/2013 09:32

Is she paying you?
If so, I don't really see what the problem is.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/10/2013 09:39

I think she should have asked you first to see whether you wanted her to arrange a load of stuff.

Is she giving you petrol money for all the ferrying about?

Goldmandra · 11/10/2013 09:45

Take her to the activities you'd like her to go to and, if there's anything that really messes up your own plans, tell SIL you can't do that one.

If she did it to help you out she won't mind that you're choosing not to take up one of the activities and will realise she should have spoken to you first.

If she just sees you as a taxi service for her DD, she is taking the P and you have every right not to comply.

ouryve · 11/10/2013 09:48

YANBU. Maybe you should not so cheekily suggest that she pays for an Internet shop for you, if she wants to dictate how you spend that time.

quoteunquote · 11/10/2013 11:00

Is she paying you?

If not, she shouldn't be treating you as the hired help.

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