want to curl my fist into a knuckle sandwich and feed my mil

[poolelass]

Perhaps I'm wrong feeling like this. See what you think.
Mil has had very limited contact with dd up until she was 6. Twice a year. Her birthday (feb) and xmas. That's it. No interest at all.
Dd is her youngest gd, her 2 eldest hadn't seen her for 10 yrs(moved away with their mother and due to a massive row, she wasn't allowed access. (Mil bf was accused of molesting 1 of dh kids). This was never proved.
Anyways, dh eldest came to live with us after a breakdown in relationship with her mother. This was 16 months ago. I cannot now keep my mil away from the house. To me, it is obvious that she wants to get to her eldest gd which is fine, my dsd is old enough to meet her away from my home. I accept that they have had years apart, though tbh she could have taken the mother to court and gained access as a gp. Unfortunately, I have taken her snub of my dd for the last 6 yrs to heart and feel that if my dsd wasn't living here, we still would have only seen her twice a year.. I've spoken to her(4he twisted my words), emailed her(she ignored it) to tell her how I feel.. I think she would crawl thru every nook and cranny to get to her eldest gd and is using her newfound interest in my dd to get what she wants... My dh accepts how I feel and has spoken to her. She won't accept how I feel. My dh rightly says its my issue and to deal with her myself... I really want to tell her to piss off and stay away... Am I making sense?

no, you're not really. You soun a bit unhinged tbh

how old is eldest and how old is yours

she cpuldnt have taken it to court to see the eldest, there is no such thing as grandparent rights, its a myth

she may just not be interested in younger kids? you have said she was the same when eldest was little so it seems to be pretty (shit but) consistant on the lack of interest front

just stop her seeing them then if she cant treat them the same, does she treat them dofferently still when she is here?

How often have you taken your DD to see her?

Do you have any other issues? Anybody else you keep on at?

Actually your thread doesn't make much sense , that said if I had a MIL whose partner molested a child ( even allegedly) I think I'd be actively keeping her away from my children ,not moaning about a lack of interest .

I think I understand what you mean.

Your mil doesn't sound like someone you want near your child so why are you moaning about lack of contact? From personal experience, it's not worth getting aggravated about. It's probably for the best she's not in contact with your dd. stewing over this will just eat away at you.

And if she's been banned from seeing her grandchild for 10 years, don't you think it stands to reason that she wants to catch up with her now?

You say your DH accepts how you feel, but how does he actually feel about this?

I understand that you feel hurt for your dd that she has been ignored. But your dd won't be bothered if she's never known any different.

You don't really say what it is that you want from mil? I think if it was me I'd be keeping her at a distance from dd, and let her meet dsd away from the house if she wants.

Regarding 'taking the mother to court' so get access to her grandchild, why didn't your DH give her access during that 10 years whenever she came to stay?

Is the DSD that MIL is interested in the child who was allegedly molested? alarm bells ringing for me over the combo of possibly abusive past and what you describe as disproportionate interest - she would crawl thru every nook and cranny to get to her eldest gd

If I'm picking up on something that's not there, then are you saying this is a straight case of GP favouritism? I like Worra wonder what your relationship with MIL is like and how much effort you have made. A child's relationship with their GP is often somewhat a reflection of the parents' I think.

Is mil still with the same partner that was accused?

How often have you took the bairns to see her?