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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to black bag everything that is lying around the house

18 replies

Binkyridesagain · 10/10/2013 11:44

and then give them till Saturday to sort it before it gets binned?

I have had enough of shifting everyones shit. Housework in this house isn't just hoovering, mopping, clothes washing, pots and general tiding, it involves moving everyones stuff, in particular my DHs crap, before I can get down to general maintenance.

If there is a space it has to be filled, my coffee table is a storage area for paperwork, the dining table is for pliers, screws and wires, the bedroom draws are for plonking things on, clothes do not go in draws wardrobes are for magazines. In every room there are corners filled with crap, that is his.

The DCs are nearly organised, if there stuff is hanging around they are told to shift it and 90% of the time they do without too much fuss, work is still needed though. DH however gives me I'll move it in a minute and doesn't, he can fall over his stuff and still won't move it. He has a shed 12'x12' that is full, a lock up that is full, the attic is full, the front of the house has his stuff (scaffold poles, wood) stuffed in the corners or under vehicles, he is reluctant to throw anything and he thinks tiding up his stuff involves moving things from A to B but not actually putting it away.

I feel like I am drowning. So I have thought rather than trying to push the tide back, I would bag the stuff and leave it where it will cause the maximum irritation to him and give him a time limit to sort and shift it before I take it to the tip.

AIBU to even think of doing this with his stuff?

OP posts:

eosmum · 10/10/2013 11:46

My house is the very same, I will see how you get on and may do the same. So I can't say yet if YABU.

MsWilliamTheBloody · 10/10/2013 11:48

he thinks tiding up his stuff involves moving things from A to B but not actually putting it away

That's classic hoarder behaviour. MiL does this. I go round for a day to help her declutter (at her request) and it all just ends up elsewhere.

Could you not just tell him how much his crap upsets you?

specialsubject · 10/10/2013 11:49

Have you spoken to him about this in calm terms? Does he know how you feel about this?

If yes and still ignored, then not fair. He shares a house with you and it is not on to turn it into a piggery.

ooerrmissus · 10/10/2013 11:50

Nope, YANBU. But be prepared for you to be more irritated by falling over it than him.

You could ebay it and spend the money on shoes?

whysoglum · 10/10/2013 11:50

Yanbu. That drives me potty. I hate mess and like you I do the housework, which I don't mind, but when you have to move shite to even see the floor it becomes a losing battle.

If you've warned him then I would bag it but I fear it's a habit that'll take some work to break.

Ariane5 · 10/10/2013 11:51

Sounds just like my house although the majority of the mess belongs to dd1 who leaves everything on the floor.

Quite often I bag stuff up and have recently been sneakily getting rid of things to the charity shop in preparation for birthday and Christmas presents.

EssexGurl · 10/10/2013 11:52

I threaten this on a regular basis but makes no difference. I have boxes for things so it all goes away. I just need to sort out the boxes now and throw the rubbish away and see if they notice.

Original poster

Binkyridesagain · 10/10/2013 11:53

eosmum fancy hiding in a corner with me?

MsWilliam I have spoken to him repeatedly about it, I have explained that his behaviour is having an effect on me, that our 2 DS believe that tiding up is womens work because that is what they see. He is a hoarder, he won't accept that, he won't let me help him sort through his stuff with him because I question him. I am banging my head against a brick wall with him.

I do not know how to sort this other than to bag and bin.

OP posts:

GhostsInSnow · 10/10/2013 11:53

Did this with DS's videos when he was about 9. They were all over his floor, in boxes, out of boxes. Bagged up the lot and put them in the back of the garage.

DS is 21 in a few months, the video's are still in the back of the garage. He never noticed

SeagullsAreLikeThat · 10/10/2013 11:55

Not BU at all. I regularly threaten to throw anything that is left on the floor. My daily chant is pretty much " things generally don't live on the floor therefore anything left there will be removed and thrown". I am in the same position, to even begin cleaning I have to do half an hour of clearing in each room. The problem is, I am the only one out of me, DH and 2 DS who cares when it's untidy so I am the only one who does anything about it.

ghostonthecanvas · 10/10/2013 12:02

I think leaving loads of stuff lying around is very disrespectful to others in the house. YANBU. Especially if you give him a time limit to sort it. Could you use boxes or truggs? Black bags are confrontational. Can he see how much nicer it is when surfaces are clear? I explain to my lot that it is not okay to leave stuff at their backsides as it implies that I am there to wait on them. I am not.

Original poster

Binkyridesagain · 10/10/2013 12:08

Just done one bag, everything that was in the vestibule is now bagged, it contains engine oil, transmission fluid, power tools, castors, electrical boxes and a shit load of other stuff. I've had to double bag it because its that heavy.

I think I'm going to be knackered by the end of the day.

OP posts:

Hegsy · 10/10/2013 12:29

YANBU, I thought my house was bad. DH is a bit of a hoarder ie we have all his uni books and stamp collection from his childhood, never looks at them but he won't let me chuck them but we have becaome quite good at keeping things clear otherwise.

FlapJackOLantern · 10/10/2013 12:35

My Mum threatened this when we were children. I still remember the sight of my best doll poking her head out of the dustbin !! We never did it again.

Do it, do it, do it !

Dahlen · 10/10/2013 12:37

I do this exact thing from time to time. It works for quite a while before it becomes necessary again. No DH though, just DC.

silverten · 10/10/2013 12:44

I do this at work in the kitchen. We're supposed to clear up after ourselves but there are plenty of lazy sods who leave thing 'to soak' or 'to drain' because they can't be bothered. Of course they never come back to sort their stuff out.

Whenever I go in and find stuff in my way I find a clean washing up bowl and shove it all in there. Takes two seconds and means the sink is clear for other people.

It works quite well.

Original poster

Binkyridesagain · 10/10/2013 12:52

If I hear 'I haven't got time' i'm going to wrap a fucking clock round his head!
He's got time to move the piles of magazines from one end of the table to the other, he's got time to fall asleep on the sofa after 7 hrs of sleep, he's got time to install new fuel systems in the land rover or install a winch. He's got time to do everything else he WANTS to do but not the time to sort his fuckin stuff. He's got time to spend 4 hrs googling stuff on a Saturday morning.

Someone please give me something that will make this man see fuckin sense.

OP posts:

tedmundo · 10/10/2013 13:07

Everything gets the 'would I even recall this item following a full house fire' treatment in my house. If it is a no, then it gets binned /recycled / donated.

I hate clutter and if there is even a slight build up it makes me feel low.

It sounds like your DH does not know how to get his head around parting with all the crap. You may need to give him a hand (possibly not with your best clock though eh?).

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