...to duck out of this family wedding after the formal bit?

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

ust received invite to cousin's wedding. Have been single 3.5 years and of course there's no "plus one".

My cousin lived down the road when he was growing up and so we saw each other a lot but we weren't necessarily close. He moved away to London with his girlfriend about 3 years ago and we've probably not seen each other more than at Christmas for the last 7 years. I think I've met his bride-to-be once.

The only people I will know at the wedding will be my parents, my grandparents (who will leave after the meal because they are in their 90s), my cousin and his parents. As my cousin is 14 years younger than me, most of the other people there will be considerably younger.

Would it be rude of me to duck out after the service and the formalities during the meal (speeches etc) and not stay for the evening disco bit? The idea of just sitting around for a whole evening pretty much on my own does not fill me with much joy. If there were more people I knew or could take a plus one for company, it would be OK but I am just going to feel so "single" and I hate that at the best of times. Weddings and Christmas (and this wedding is just 2 weeks before Xmas) are worst of all.

And if I do duck out, what sort of excuse could I use? I had a save the date card some time ago (although the official invite only arrived today to which I need to RSVP).

Unless you're part of the wedding party then no one will notice if you slip out.

But don't 95% of people meet their OH at weddings (or something)? Nothing wrong with a younger wo/man.

Last report I read said most people meet their OH at work, so that figure seems unlikely, MrsTP.

Each to their own but a 14-year age gap isn't for me. All their friends are pretty much their own age (26). There was an 11-year age gap with my ex and I am not doing that much of a gap again, it became an issue, so 14 is certainly not happening. Five maximum either way!

I think your making excuses, why not go with an open mind instead.

Leave when you want to. Of course you don't have to stay for the disco.

I'd leave your options open, and decide on the day, depending on how it's going. Sometimes events we expect to be excruciating turn out to be rather good (and vice versa). Just make it up as you go along.

If you are going to go and be determined to be miserable then dont go, but surely the whole point of going to celebrations like this is to meet new people, not necessarily with a view to meeting a potential partner, but just to meet new friends, catch up with long lost old ones perhaps, and generally just be sociable.

Just because your cousin is 14 years younger doesnt mean that his bride and all their friends will also be the same age as them. My social circle has people ranging from late teens to late fifties..

I'm sure it won't matter if you leave before the end, but you should stay for a bit. You might even find you enjoy it! It's not like you're totally alone is it? I'm sure your parents would like your company for the evening??

Yanbu. Don't tell them beforehand just go. If anyone notices, have a headache/drunk too much/been a bad week/whatever. That way if you meet someone fun you can stay, if it's as horrific as most of these things are you can escape to snuggly pyjamas and crap Christmas telly :o

Squeaky - I wouldn't go determined to be miserable but my mum has confirmed that aside from immediate family on both sides, neither of which is large, it's basically all their friends from university. They aren't even having 'extra' people at the evening do. So I do know what age group the majority of people going will be.

Flossie - I see my parents fairly regularly and they've said the way it is looking they will be ferrying my grandparents there and back and as they live about an hour away, once they go after the meal, my parents have suggested they may not come back either. Which really would leave me pretty solo.

And, really, even if my parents were there, they would want to be up and dancing a bit rather than chatting to me all night who would just be sat there watching.

It's miserable being single at a wedding. Especially a family one, the time I ended up in a single bed in my parents hotel room because there was a mix up with the hotel bookings and I was asked to give my room to a couple is burned in my memory.

Just don't go but send a fab present.

Just say you're accompanying your elderly grandparents home. Then don't go back. They should all be too pissed too caught up in the day to notice.

keep your options open. Get fed (why not?) and listen to the speeches, then see how it is going. If you find those on your table interesting company then stay, if not make polite excuses and go.

Once the meal and formalities are over I don't expect anyone will be bothered if you stay or not. If it were me I would go too.

Worried - if my car was a 5-door, I would offer to be chauffeur to my grandparents as it would get me out of it and I would be happy to be useful but typically I have a 3-door and they're in their 90s and can't scramble into the back. Maybe I should consider hiring a car just for the weekend?

Special - our table will be me, my parents, my grandparents and another cousin.

I went to another wedding earlier this year at which I knew literally the bride and one other person, but they let me take a "plus one" which made SO much difference.

Well, a lot of people (esp those with small dcs) tend to leave after the first dance, and as that's when evening guests arrive, the bride and groom wont notice if you slip away then rather than stay for the whole evening.

If the wedding is relatively close to you, could you ask if you could bring a date to the evening do - although stress totally fine if they say no. It's the day bit that tends to be expensive for randoms to join, but the evening it doesn't really add to the cost unless that have an open bar.

Could you ask if you may take a friend?

Don't/Cereal - it is an open bar, it's not a huge venue, and they aren't having any 'extra' evening guests as I mentioned earlier, or I probably would have asked about someone joining me for the evening.

I think I will just disappear and use the headache excuse if necessary, just wanted to know that some other people would consider doing same and I wasn't being totally awful.

Is the other cousin at your table alone too? Maybe you could pair up for a bit after the oldies go.

I'd duck out, too.

You're neither friend nor close family to the couple, they probably only invited you out of politeness anyway.

You could probably get added onto your parents insurance a lot cheaper than hiring a car, if borrowing theirs would work? Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about leaving - but make the decision when you are there and see how it's going!

I'd just give your grandparents a lift and say goodbye to them then. They won't mind; they'll be too busy to think about it.

Either offer to swap cars for the day with your parents so you can take your GP home, or go with them and see it as an opportunity for a quiet get together. The B&G won't be offended at all.

You don't have to go to any part of the wedding you know, btw.